I would be beyond pissed if my husband ever gave or loaned BM one penny. But, it would NEVER cross his mind to do so.

Ya...no. I would lose it. However, I know my DH would never let that happen. BM wouldn't even think of asking him. She knows better. 

Sadly I can see SO doing this - he would say it is best for the kids to have a stable home and if he is able to help then so be it. 

I, on the other hand, would walk out. NO WAY would a DIME of our money go to HCBM (above and beyond CS). This would be a deal breaker for me. 

If you don't already have separate finances, I would start that now. Split whatever you have in a joint account and open your own. If your DH feels he can loan out money to whomever he wishes then he should only loan out HIS money. 

I'd be pissed! But DH knows better ha!

Oh hell no! But evidently that BM thinks she can take advantage. My DH used to just give BM money all the time until we got married BM controlled everything now some boundaries on placed on her.

I don't understand why he would even consider giving this woman the teens school savings. Stupid. Being the teens are seventeen that savings needs to stay where it is and continue to draw whatever interest it grows. This savings will be in use fairly shortly. 

Why hand it to someone who very likely won't only not pay it back , but doesn't appear to have any cash to add any of her own to the educational goals. 

Loaning money to 'family' is never wise. But then I believe in gifting when assistance is necessary because loaning sets up all kinds of headaches, resentment blah blah. And in your case you've given , absolutely not should he be gifting his ex-wife money.

She rents currently, if she's lucky she might get back a deposit? If she's unlucky, well, that's just not his problem. I suppose she can do what other adult children have had to do and go 'home' and impose on her aging parents. The teens , who stay with you 50% already could, if necessary, stay with Dad 100% until BM resettles.

I also do not believe that her teens should go get jobs and pay for their mother. If they are currently not working, sure they can get a summer job and help with their own cell phones or their share of vehicle insurance.... but it's not these teens place to support their mother. If she can't afford her minor children she shouldn't have them with her. Graduated HS , aged eighteen, perhaps different story, but not at seventeen. 

If BM has been blowing her cash on vacations and spending like no tomorrow, she'll just have to tighten her budget up. Or pick up a second job herself. 

If this is really your DH's money (inheritance or whatever) you can't stop him, but yeah, he definitely needs to hear what a foolish idiot he's being over this. Except perhaps renting a new apartment with deposits and tightening her own budget should go a long way there, what does she need much money for anyhow. The lady didn't get fired. 

I could see my H doing that because I think he lives by the philosophy that it is easter to ask for forgiveness than to talk about what he is planning to do.  Especially when he knows what my reaction would be.  He once (we'd been marrried about 5 years at that time) wanted to give his oldest son the down payment on a house.  His reasoning was his son had asked him, that his other son had a house because of an interitance his wife received, etc., etc.  I told him that if we'd had that kind of money laying around we could talk about it but we didn't so I would not agree to it.  He went (behind my back) and got a loan from the bank.  Thereafter our finances becamse separate.  Just reading this makes me wonder why I stayed because we live in a community property state and if something had happened to him it would of been my bill. 

I would not be happy and would object to giving BM money. And who cares if it comes out of the kids' college funds - your husband will likely pay for the deficit if BM doesn't repay the loan.  That's really no different than any other source of funds your husband has.

BM here asked SO for her first and last month's rent when she moved into an apartment last year. He said no because he didn't have it, but I was telling him he shouldn't even consider giving it to her, even if he did have it.  She has parents, grandparents, siblings and a boyfriend she could be asking, rather than asking SO first. And it's not as if the kids would be homeless - her parents have plenty of money and would never let that happen (and SO would always take them anyway), while SO lives hand to mouth.   You just have to wonder what these women are thinking.

It's not his money to lend. He put that money up for his children's schooling. As far as I am concerned, that money is already used and not available. 

What is he going to do tell kids they can’t go to collage because there is no money. He will take your money to pay for kids schooling.  By then it’s too late and BM would of gotten the money and not pay it back, Just a story about kids money . 

but if he did I would be furious. Your DH cannot use the kids as an excuse. They are old enough to come live with you if BM loses her house. A judge isn't going to force a 17 year old to live with Mom under those circumstances.