I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, other than to say that's no way to live. Once the bad outweighs the good like that you need to take action. Ten years or more down the road you want to look back on @ happy life, not one you settled for or had to struggle thru. Good luck

This is a hard way to live but while you can't change other people, you can change your reaction.  You need to find a way to mentally disengage even if you can't physically.

Now the two days leading up. Stop yourself from dreading and running through all the worst case scenarios in your mind. This does nothing productive and in fact probably makes it worse because you allow your boiling point to build. It's like a diagram I have on my wall.

Do you have a problem..yes or no. If no...dont worry . If yes  can you do something about it yes or no? Yes...dont worry...no? Don't worry as well because worry won't fix it.

So every time you find yourself going down that rat hole...shake yourself and redirect your mind to something good.

The two days before they leave... instead of focusing on them...plan a fun thing for when your home is your own.

And then after they are gone...dont rewind the visit....go do that fun thing.

Also, while they are there make sure to do things for you

..go walk, read in your room. Lunch with a friend...gey a pedicure etc... because your so can wrangle his kids...i mean spend one on one time with them.

ESMOD this is good advice but OP I know exactly how you feel.

ESMOD this is good advice but OP I know exactly how you feel.

With practice it gets a little better, at least most of the time.  

And I like ESMOD's advice, but for me, I struggle with the constant tension that comes with having them in the house.  We deal with PA, so both kids are essentially spying on us and the rest of the time, they behave like we should be so pleased that they've graced us with their presence that it just feels gross to have them around.  SS lurks in hallways, staring at us because he couldn't possibly speak to us like humans, and SD complains unmercifully about her mother, which is tiresome, even if I'm not engaging with it.  And then there's their mother, who's just impossible and unreasonable in all circumstances, but even more so when she feels justified in doing so, like when a skid complains about us or when she feels sad because they're not with her.

And for the 4 days they're with us, everything is about them, even if it's not.  There are so many rules!  No one (other than SD or DH) can be left alone with SS.  SD wants to "do something" but never knows what, so she mopes.  Bio-DD wants nothing to do with either of them, so she's left on her own the whole time.  No eating out because the skids are ridiculous about food and can't behave--and because DD won't come because she hates them.  Even my dogs are off when the skids are there.  And DH is simultaneously thrilled to have his kids and miserable because he doesn't really like them, so that's an issue, too.

Yes, taking care of me (and DD) in those times should be the priority, but the reality is that it feels a bit like spinning plates on stciks during Skid weekends, and even if I'm doing well with it, it's still tiresome.

I AM THE SAME! You just spoke the words for me! My 3 stepson will be here in less than 7 hours and I have been dreading it since Monday. Just knowing they are coming over puts me in a mood. It sucks. It is like Christmas morning when they return back home...already cannot wait for Sunday night to arrive!

I can't imagine living that way. I don't know how you do it and endure that anxiety but I wouldn't be able to. I hope you find a way to manage this because its not healthy for you.