Her and I are both unhappy.  We've discussed being unhappy and not feeling that we can fix things.  We also discussed waiting until we got the youngest through high school before we proceeded with looking in to divorce.  This is a discussion her and I've had a handful of times and she concluded it would be best for both our happiness.  Then a few weeks later or a month, it's like the discussion never happened.  Until the next time it comes up, then she gets upset all over again.  I realize this is going to be difficult for everyone involved.  Now that the discussion of the finances for the youngest who goes off to college in the fall, it's on my mind.  It seems my DW leaned on me financially thoughout the years even though I pushed  for her to be independent. There was no reason she couldn't save money, build credit, finish school, get jobs (as many as she wanted).  She had a husband (me) that took a lot of that burden off of her.  My DW decided to spend more than she made and half of what I made instead.  Petty fights over me not wanting to make expensive purchases that were unnecessary with the bigger picture of bills that related to the kids will be coming up.  Now she is living paycheck to paycheck since we split finances 8 months ago.  The fight before we split finances involved her wanting to spend money on herself for things that weren't need.  ie a vacation with a friend and electronics she already had access to.  The ball was left in my court when it came to shelling out thousands toward the kids college future etc.

My skids bio dad lives about 35 minutes away and did not play a big role in their upbringing.  He's on his 3rd marriage now.  His kids are with the 1st, and he married two other women that already had kids.  Child support is garnished from him and it's been this way for nearly a decade.  He sees them and does stuff with my skids but he isn't interested in giving them money for college.  My SS20 was upset when she graduated high school and he offered no assistance.  I'm sure my DW is scared to get her 2nd divorce and face all the challenges on her own financially.  

I've helped raise these children for 17 years... from before grade school and now in to college.  I would like to have a relationship with the skids after the a divorce but not sure how good that will be.  I don't know if they will resent me or feel let down or what have you.  I haven't started any separation process yet nor do the skids know about for certain about the possible divorce.  I have concerns that paying for college will be an issue for my DW and could cause issues for the SS18's future.  I'm definitely feeling some guilt but as many here have mentioned... I am not their bioparent.  At times, I feel I care and provide for them more than their biomom and dad. 

It's been a rollercoaster over the past 17 years living as a family.  I'll be 43 this year and knowing all the stuff that will need to be dealt with soon, it's pretty daunting.  All these years when I provided for my DW and skids and gave her the opportunity to save money, get a college education (dropped the ball on this one).  Financially she is living paycheck to paycheck making purchases with only herself in mind.  Although her actions affect both me and the skids if a real expensive needs to get taken care of, falls on my lap.  My finances and credit have gone to crap also, even though I do make good money.  

Thinking back to all the purchases we made but I lost the argument.  Our 4 person unlimited cell phone plan that cost the same as a car payment.  It didn't matter that I use the least amount of data in the household I still get stuck with a large portion of this bill.  Over the years, when my DW and SS would exceed our data limit and I tried to get them to stop.  The issue never got resolved but it always resulted in a fight which I lost.  Apparently increasing our data plan over and over instead of using data like a responsible person with limitations was out of the question.  This sort of fight always happens over money.  I think it's too expensive or want to teach everyone moderation or responsibility and get on WiFi.  Her idea is to just keep paying more on our wireless bill instead of discipline or restrict everyones wifi access.  Even now under the unlimited plan, I use the least anmount of data.  How fantastic it is that I get to pay 65% of a bill I fought to keep low and everyone use their cell phones like people with limits.

I understand that I make more and have more money to spend but it shouldn't be ripped out of my hands unwillingly when a normal, reasonable solution is so obvious to me.  Bitterness over money and various things always come up.  My SS will leave empty bottles on the dining room table with the caps laying there.  Sometimes, 5 bottles sitting there having a party for days.  I notice it, I've tried to get him to pick it up and toss it away.  I explained how this needs to happen each time he is done wiht something.  It rarely happens, I address it to my DW... she considers me complaining and turns it in to how I "hate" the kids.  The only reason I've been in this relationship so long was for the skids.  If this stuff was going on and she had no kids, it would beover.,  Sorry, venting!