Abandoned by Daddy
I asked my coworker how he was doing, How are things going? and he tells me that he's Okay but his wife isn't because her dad is moving. That she and her dad haven't had the best relationship since the divorce. Her father remarried and had 2 more kids and her mother remarried and had 1. The father lost his job and he and his wife decided to start over somewhere new. They put their house on the market and bought another one across the country in a place they've always wanted to live. "I don't know why they're in such a hurry to leave. They don't even have any family there." I thought BINGO, maybe that's exactly why they want to live there, to get away from a whiny grown daugher in her mid 20's who's still punishing daddy for the divorce, a PASing ex who lives close by and a Son in law who sides with his wife and her mother.
This story was extremly annoying to me for several reasons:
a grown woman who likely chose not to have a decent relationship w/her father is now upset that he dare moves.
She's trying to manipulate his actions through guilt. Having her husband take sides and her husband is now whining about it too.
Daddee's abandoning her? What?! She's a grown married woman and daddee stuck around her entire childhood until now. Doesn't dad ever get to make his own choices or live a life independent of his children?
I work with the public all day so I'm very good at CSBF (Customer Service B*llsh*t Face) and used it on him too. "Oh that must be very hard for her." "Gee that's rough." "Hmm." What I realy wanted to say was, "Tell your wife to grow the H#ll up and get over herself. She's 20 something years old and needs to act like a grown woman and wife instead of a wounded little girl." My coworker and his wife have no idea what abandonment means. I was in a foster home as a teen and dealt with screwed up stuff but in retrospect my situation was peaches compared to some of the kids who came through. Little does my co worker know that I'm a hardened veteran SM of a whiny adult ss.
I wish someone would tell her, "No sweetheart, you're not being abandoned, you're growing up."
Add 20 something years and
Add 20 something years and you are describing my OSD. She was graduating college when her parents split. I married her father years later. We did not live where she did, but she was mad that we did not move to where she lived. We chose to move a warm climate like millions of other older people, but daddy is not in her city worshipping her and her children so she is mad. She also has been punishing her father now for years for not doing what she wants, which was to divorce me and move by her.
I can't figure out how people grow up thinking they deserve all this devotion and other people exist solely to cater to their wants.
40 something and still acting
40 something and still acting that way, your SD should try focusing on raising her own children rather than controlling her father.
"I can't figure out how people grow up thinking they deserve all this devotion and other people exist solely to cater to their wants."
Add to that divorced parents should take their grown childrens floggings and dote upon them and continue doing their bidding. It's a never ending cycle of never enough.
Good job
Good job in posting here instead of saying what you thought to the co-worker! I would be biting my tongue, too; better to stay quiet than risk the blowback.
It was tempting to say
It was tempting to say something profound and attempt to teach him but that would have put a damper on our work relationship. Next time he starts whining about his FIL moving and abandoning his wife I'll swiftly change the subject.
Gads, what a selfish woman
Gads, what a selfish woman-baby.
My Dad remarried 1.5 years ago and now lives in FL for the better part of the years (they're snowbirds). Do I miss him? He!!, YES!!! Do I feel abandonded? He!!, NO!!!
My Dad is happy and active and involved in a LOT of fun things: dances, birthday parties (there is one every week!) ,swimming, cycling, card games, community barbecues, book clubs... Guess what? He did not know a single person other than my SM when he moved. Not only is he now friends with HER friends, they have both acquired NEW friends because of him - the man who didn't know anyone there.
Pfffft. Whiner needs to grow up, live her life, and be happy for her father.
Sounds like your dad and SM
Sounds like your dad and SM are living the good life and how awesome for everyone involved that you are supportive! I agree that she needs to grow up and live her own life. Hopefully my co worker will tire of the daddy issues and remind her that they are a family and now each others next of kin.
Oh, I know - how dare daddy
Oh, I know - how dare daddy be happy, sell his house and move somewhere he wants to? This reminds me when my DH had to tell his adult daughter, who unfortunately is my SD, he was selling his house and she responded that he could not sell HER HOUSE! Really? Her house? Adult SD never paid a penny toward the mortgage or bills for DH's house.
It amazes me how some adult skids believe they can dictate what their bio parents do and don't do with their lives. It's so selfish. My DH wants to move us somewhere to get further away from the manipulative adult skids.
A question:
"It amazes me how some adult skids believe they can dictate what their bio parents do and don't do with their lives." I want to know if this is only a Skid thing? This does not seem to occur very much with non-skids - where they are trying to control their parents lives and manilpulate them to splt up. Or am I wrong?
My parents never conferred with me before they moved anywere - no matter what age I was. When my Dad died the house went to my Mother. I would never have the nerve to tell my Mother that it was MY house. Yes it is just amazing how differently the SM is veiwed. Even though many of us have been married to our DHs for far longer than BM was, it is still assumed that when DH dies we're entiteled to nothing.
Nope, I don't think you are
Nope, I don't think you are wrong. People I know with adult skids seem to get bossed around more by the adult skids than those I know with just adult bio kids and no skids.
In my case, the miserable adult skids cannot stand to see daddy happy, and it seems like the more control they lose over what daddy (my DH) does and does not do, the meaner they are to him. Have they tried to manipulate DH to split us up, you betcha. When they saw they could not control our relationship, they amped up their nastiness more.
Most non skid parents I know, let their children know what they are going to do with their lives and not the other way around. Although, I know a few parents who would drain their retirement and bank accounts to appease their bio kids.
I am just glad my DH puts our marriage first and does not let the adult skids tell him what he can and can't do. Like he says, they ran his life for the longest time, always taking and never helping. He also says he is done with that chapter of his life - no more. It is just sad they simply cannot be happy for him. I also would never tell my parents what to do with their life or their assets. Maybe it is also a generational thing?
Your co-worker doesn't
Your co-worker doesn't realize it, but daaadee moving away is likely the best thing for his marriage.
DH and I are preparing to put our house on the market and move over 2,000 miles away. The fact that we won't know a soul pales when compared to the fact that we will be far away from his family.
Yes hopefully it will be good
Yes hopefully it will be good for their marriage. Maybe she can finally start playing wife rather than poor little COD. Good luck with your move. DH and I are planning a move in the near future as well and I'm sure that's why my co workers whining about his FIL really annoyed me. Soon DH will be in the same boat of being accused of "abandoning" his family and I'll be accused of taking him away from them.
Lol... my Skid freaked when
Lol... my Skid freaked when we told him a year ago that I was looking at taking a job in SpermLand. He was adamant and let me know in no uncertain terms "DAD! Do not move to that crazy shithole of a place. Keep mom as far away from there as you can. I will visit you anywhere you got.... BUT THERE!"
Not the same situation as ranting about his mom dumping me and moving to where he is but... the corelation made me laugh.
Today my co worker (the same
Today my co worker (the same one) raced out of work after getting a call from his wife. We all thought there was some emergency and didn't expect him back for the rest of the day. He came back 3 hours later and explained what had happened, apparently little miss twenty somethings birthday is today and she was crying and upset because my co -worker (her DH) hadn't decorated the house and made a big deal out of her special day. The guy was working and he had planned to take her out and celebrate tonight. Co worker said that wife's mother had always decorated the house for her and she expected him to do the same. I blurted out, "She does realize you're not her mother right?"
I feel for this guy, they've been married under 6 mos and she sounds like she's emotionally 13 years old and he's running around like crazy trying to fix everything and make her happy. He spent 3 hours of his work day "smoothing things over" with her.
What's princess going to do when they have kids? they're religious and planning a big family. I wonder if my co worker will be able to put up with little miss entitled "until death do them part?" Imagine what a fun BM she'll be if they have a kid(s) and get divorced.
I hope to h#ll none of my boys hook up with an immature beech like this!
She's the COD who is being "abandoned" by daddy as well. She obviously missed the memo about growing up.