crazy encounter with brother in law
Does anyone else have issues connecting with their in laws? I’ve spoken a little about my mother in law in a previous blog but I had a rough encounter today with my brother in law and his girlfriend. My husband and I currently share our home with his brother and his brothers girlfriend. They mostly stay to themselves and so do we. But lately, my husband and I have noticed that our groceries seem to get eaten up quicker than we planned. I nagged my husband for a good week or so to talk to his brother and just establish some clarity on the grocery situation. I was under the impression that they were eating their own stuff while also eating ours and felt a little disrespected because I never touch their things. Long story short, he confronted his brother (I must mention it wasn’t in the best way) and his brother got upset and walked off. His girlfriend comes out and explains that he’s angry because he’s been buying groceries for the whole house and apparently always looks out for us and even buys things that he knows we like so we can eat what they buy too. I felt like a complete jerk after that and explained to her that we just simply didn’t know and just wanted to communicate with them and establish some clarity, never meant to accuse anyone of anything and of course, I said we were sorry. The next day I went to her room and apologized again and we had a good 15 min talk about how we should all communicate more and how there’s no hard feelings and we’ll share from this point on. His brother walked into the room and then walked out quickly when he saw I was in there. I took that as a sign to leave and right after I left I heard him yelling at her asking her why she would talk to me. She said we were only clearing things up and he continued yelling at her telling her that she shouldn’t talk to me and that he told her last night not to talk to me or my husband. Then slammed their door and went to sit out in the living room. I was disgusted by the fact that he treated her that way and didn’t know if I should get involved. I grabbed my things and was headed to my car but when I passed him in the living room, I decided to apologize to him directly. He stared at his phone the entire time and never acknowledged my presence, much less my apology. I feel bad because I was the one who pretty much started all this drama by making my hubby talk to them, but it was clearly just a misunderstanding. I just need some opinions: is he wrong for the way he treated me? I asked my hubby not to confront him and he didn’t. Was that also the right move? Thanks for reading!
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Comments
I think this is about more
I think this is about more than groceries. There’s some underlying thing between either your DH and his brother or the brother and his gf.
Not sure how I’d handle it, other than to back off and let your DH deal with his brother. You’ve done all you can, you apologized to both of them.
On another note, when I was first divorced my kids and I loved with my bff, her hubby and her kids. We all bought groceries and nothing was mine or theirs only. Everything was shared. We would put the receipt in a jar and twice a month we’d add it all up and divide by 7 people, I paid for 3, they paid for 4.
Ha Ha He got caught
Your BIL angry because he goy caught out eating your food, rather then buying their own food.
Let's face it if they had really been buying food for the whole house you would have extra food not less.
As for his stone walling you and your DH I don't know what I would do other then looking for somewhere else to live as it will not be nice environment to live in.
Ugh, what an awful situation!
Ugh, what an awful situation!
I feel for you. All you can do is apologize and you did that. Living with other people is such a nightmare! I would feel more uncomfortable about what happened between BIL and his girlfriend than the rest of it. I wouldn't feel comfortable with him treating her like that. How awkward!
Give it a few days to settle and see where it lands. It might be time for BIL to move on. This is what happens when people cohabitat without really clearly defined rules, and even with the rules, it often ends in arguments.
Stay tight with the girlfriend and let the dumb men work on their own piece of it. The other poster might be right - that for the brothers, it's about something different.
and his brother got upset
Your BIL possesses ZERO communication skills, and he’s going to need some if you and your DH are going to continue to have these two living in YOUR home. At least this is how it reads - that it’s your home, correct?
Girlfriend is BIL’s cleanup crew. He acts out, she sweeps in and tries to cleanup his verbal, or non verbal mess. This cannot be fun and will cause you to feel like you’re walking on eggshells - again, in YOUR own home.
While BIL sounds like he has a low emotional IQ, you and your DH need to sit down with them and clear the air. 1) Communication is key. Ya’ll are adults and are expected to act as such. If BIL is prone to temper tantrums and browbeating his girlfriend, perhaps they should just GTFO. Keep the lines of communication open with girlfriend, in the meantime, because think about it... why in the world would he be telling her not to talk to you or your husband? 2) The food situation. If it is THAT bad, perhaps you can assign sections of the fridge for your and their food. Or you could get super petty and take a sharpie to your food, marking what’s yours.
I don’t know. This whole “always looking out for us” comment reads a little shady and guilt trippy. That wouldn’t sit well with me.
I feel for you. This sounds like an awful living situation and BIL sounds like an immature man-baby.
Why are they all living with
Why are they all living with you? I rarely see a set up like this working out. Rarely. Either your food is disappering or it's not. My guess is that the food IS disappearing and that BIL is responsible for the missing mash and that is why his response was so over the top to something so stupid. I have never understood how it is so difficult for people to NOT eat another person's food. I mean I KNOW what I buy at the grocery store and I KNOW what DH buys, if he makes a special trip. Just because DH and I are married, doesn't mean I feel entitled to eat something that he has specifically bought and I would ask before just helping myself. I just don't get it with skids and people eating someone else's food?? It's just plain rude.
How soon can they leave???