No Easter
I was absolutely fuming last night.
This weekend was BM’s weekend with the kids as well as her year for Easter. I can respect that fully. She has every right to refuse SO any extra time but what she did was in my mind so completely low and the worst thing is it really was the kids who paid the price.
I had family coming in from out of state this weekend. This was known for a while and I was not in control of when they came because of this situation SO asked if he could have the kids an extra day. He offered to do all the transportation and would fit into whatever window she would allow. She refused but her reason was to punish him. Not I think her reason was but we have text of her flat out saying that was why.
So anyways we tried to carry on KNOWING that BM wouldn’t even see the children during the time he had requested. Not only was that true but she didn’t even have them Easter morning. So not only did they miss out on spending extra time with their father but they also missed out on having anything for the holiday and spent the whole weekend locked indoors with their grandfather.
I hate this woman with every inch of my being. She is so vindictive and set out on destroying him that she really doesn’t care what damage she does to the children in the process.
SO called the kids yesterday afternoon and that’s how he found out that BM hadn’t even seen them all weekend. It breaks my heart that an 8 and 5 year old didn’t get an Easter bunny either.
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This BM should be friends
This BM should be friends with ours. Evil women.
Did they get any festivities at grandpas? What did she say in her text that indicates she did it just to be nasty?
No they did not that we know
No they did not that we know of. SO didn't want to directly ask but when he called them they didn't say anything and that is not their normal behavior. The little girl was clearly upset.
As for her text, I can’t find the messages right now but they have been copied and saved. Back after the divorce was finalized when SO went to get them during his time she was throwing a fit because the wrong order was submitted. Or so she claimed. She is the one who filed it all through court so it is on her if the wrong stuff was submitted. She said she didn’t have to follow what was signed by the judge and threw in some more choice words. When SO made it clear that he had no intent to follow any order but what was enforceable by court she wasn’t too happy.
When he requested the time that he did she very clearly identified that it was because he was following the order. And she didn’t say it as “we’re going to follow the order.”
It was something like, after the sh*t you pulled on X I’ll never give you any extra time.
X was that the order clearly identified that a holiday visitation started earlier than she wanted it to and she was trying to claim the order she meant to submit gave her the time she was claiming she got BUT I know for a fact that’s not true and we’ve always had a nightmare dealing with her on anything other than every other weekend visitation. She screams about every holiday and summer break. She threw a fit that he demanded to pick them up at the documented time for Christmas, that he was ruining the holiday but then called him yelling that he needed to come get them early.
This woman has attempted to blackmail him in the past that if he takes the kids to see their grandmother she will never let him have them again outside of the court ordered visitation.
He requested to have them Saturday and would return them that night so it wasn’t even going to impact the holiday. She works every weekend and basically doesn’t see the kids from Friday after school till Monday after school so him asking for that day wasn’t taking the kids from her and his exfather in law has already expressed that he doesn’t want to watch the kids as much as he is but the man is afraid if he refuses to do exactly what BM says he won’t see the children at all.
Flat out sending that in a
Flat out sending that in a text... Means you have proof later to show she's a vindictive little b*****.
I feel bad for your Skids... BM doesn't do holidays for them either... She doesn't take them... But Christmas time she spends money on herself and hardly any on them... We strive to make sure the girls get a Santa, and an Easter Bunny, and f*** I even had a leprechaun visit them and deliver green shirts for saint Patrick's day. I think it's important to keep the childhood whimsy and imagination alive for as long as possible, and even though we don't have a lot, DH and I both see that as a priority.
I'm sorry your'e having to watch this... That's probably my least favorite part of being a SM, watching BM use and abuse and neglect the girls and being powerless to give them better
Due to her repeated hostility
Due to her repeated hostility towards SO and flat out attempts at blackmail we are recording EVERYTHING now.
We have every intent to use it when we go for 50/50. We aren’t even trying to go for full custody. The goal is to show that he HAS attempted to see them more than the bare minimum and she has refused though she herself doesn’t use the time that she denies him.
The intent is to get them during the time she already works.
Being able to show how willing she is to use the children to hurt him is only a bonus.
A bonus that will work in
A bonus that will work in your favor!
At this point we kind of just want her to fly away... Something I know won't ever happen, but we're going for supervised only visitation for her... So I get recording everything!
I hope it goes well for you both! And get some holidays written in there for him too!!! Hopefully you both can provide the skids some form of a childhood that's not just being used on the whim of a narc!
The order isn’t the issue. He
The order isn’t the issue. He has holidays. This is her year for Easter. That’s not the problem.
The problem is she doesn’t respect him at all and would rather he be dead that actually let him be a parent. The only reason she “allows” weekend visitations without fighting is so she gets child support. It’s also free babysitting for her. Every single holiday though she throws a fit about when it starts if not outright trying to get him to give up the full day.
They have every other year rotations for holidays so this year was her year for Easter. He in no way requested she give that up. He only requested to have them Saturday since she would most likely be at work anyways and this way they could meet my family and get to spend the day with us doing stuff instead of being locked inside all day but she is so…. I can’t even find the right word.
If we’re in town we’ll stop by to see the kids at grandpa’s while she is at work. We can’t even take them to the park for an hour because she refuses and like I said grandpa is afraid that he doesn’t follow her directions she will completely keep the kids from him. The man is really old and sick so I understand but he is also getting burned out because she will leave the kids with him almost every other day so she can go play around with whoever she wants.
We don’t ask the kids direct questions because it’s not fair to them but from time to time we are told things that make it clear how bad it is. One of those weekends we stopped to see them we found out that the kids hadn’t seen mom since she dropped them off after school on Tuesday. That’s 4 days she hadn’t seen the kids and she wouldn’t let SO leave grandpa’s with them to take them to lunch.
He’s trying really hard to do right by the kids. We’re fighting VA right now for his disability benefits. If we get what we should the plan is to buy or at least rent a place close enough that he can go for 50/50 with the possibility of full if we ever have enough to show a court. Sadly the courts ignore so much to let BM keep the kids.
Courts are starting to tip
Courts are starting to tip towards 50/50 more though
And with all the s*** she's pulling I'd say you have a fair chance!!! They do ignore though, or just give a little slap on the hand and a "don't do it again."
The VA can be a slow a$$ process, so I hope you get through it sooner rather than later, and that you get the skids more often.
I understand, we don't ask questions other, but anytime I do hear something I'm disgusted.
This is the 3rd time he's
This is the 3rd time he's going through the process and I'm well aware of how it goes sometimes. Both my parents are military and my father just ended a 4+ year battle with VA.
That’s the whole reason our focus is on 50/50. It’s not even to attack her as a parent directly. It’s that the children have the right to equal time with their parents. Right now it’s not that way because it’s not possible but once it’s possible it should change. The alternative right now with the kids being with grandpa is not a long term option. Grandpa is sick… He should be in a nursing home but they are keeping him out because he can “watch” the kids.
SO has no desire for Grandpa to miss out on seeing the children. We just feel it’s best that they be in a parents home with their own beds then sleeping on a floor every other weekend and what appears to be a consider amount of weeknights.
Where in the world does BM
Where in the world does BM work that she works from Friday after school until Sunday night?? And maybe????? She had Easter baskets for the kids at home today?? i know, I'm probably grasping here.. but maybe???
BM works 16 hour shifts on
BM works 16 hour shifts on Saturday and Sunday. Because she needs sleep (and to party) she drops the kids off at their grandfather’s after school Friday and doesn’t see them again till she picks them up Monday after school. Apparently that’s IF she picks them up on Monday.
We’re not upset about BM working. I understand many people do this job and when she went into this time slot the excuse was so she could be more like a stay at home mom for the kids which is wonderful in my mind. The issue is that she refuses to let SO have them except the bare minimum she has to by court order.
She also played dirty and attempted to submit altered first rights of refusal that only took effect after the parent OR GRANDPARENT couldn’t watch the kids which of course doesn’t help SO at all since she hides them at her father’s house to keep him from having them any extra.
She MAY have do something today for Easter but what upsets me is she wouldn’t even let him have them on Saturday when he offered to handle all transportation and ensure they got home Saturday night. She was at work the whole time as we knew she would be. She only did it to punish SO as she clearly identified in her message to him.
On top of this she did NOTHING for them on Easter, so they missed out on everything on Saturday (seeing my family, spending time with my niece and nephew, who they ask to see all the time, missed out on my apartments egg hunt that they do on Saturday each year) and still got nothing from their mother who apparently was at work the whole time anyways.
Last year she threw a fit demanding SO return the kids early and took a half day off so we hoped she’d at least do that. Now I question if she will even see the kids after school today. I also question what she will tell the kids to make this all his fault.