Thinking back on my college experience... I had a half scholarship and worked. Another university offered me a full ride and I turned it down because the other college had the major I wanted. I'm not sure I would make that choice again. I don't have tons of student loans ($13k) and I only pay about $150 a month on it. But graduating college debt free would have been a blessing! Because with life right now, sometimes $150 is rough. I hope your SD wisens up and realizes she doesn't need some crazy expensive, no scholarship, college to get an education) Best of luck and keep us updated!!!

Gah. 

Do we have the same SD? My SD also got into College of Charleston, which is where she's dead set on going...it's in state for us, which makes it a little more affordable, but they're not giving her much aid. 

Like your SD, she generally gets good grades and is a good kid. She also works pretty regularly, though she was a harder worker before this year. She cut back her hours because of 'school stress' even though, as a senior, she only goes until noon now and has easy classes. Whatevs. Not my problem...but don't come with your hand out for college money either. 

Truly, this whole college hunt thing has been driving me insane and taking up waayyyy too much of my time...especially considering that I want it to take up exactly zero of my hours. Blogging about that shortly. 

Like your SD, she's had better offers from some good schools (Winthrop, Anderson, USC) but she's poo-pooing all of them and just assuming CoC will work out. 

This is very similar to how my SD was when she was in high school and as an undergraduate.  BM is a serious helicopter parent.  SD wanted to go to the most expensive (yet not impressive schools) and ended up going to DH's sister's alma mater.  Basically an expensive school for rich kids who couldn't get into better schools.  SD had a decent gpa in high school, but really didn't have a distinguished record.  She only ever worked in the summer as a life guard.  Luckily the university gave her a decent financial aid package, but she still ended up with over $18k in loans to repay.  Oh, she also majored in Creative Writing and minored in Photography, but refused to get any internships until her senior year, and did nothing involving writing as an extracurricular.  (She was a life guard at college too for about 5-10 hours per week.)  She also has anxiety issues and takes medications.  An example of how enmeshed BM was/is...when SD needed to apply for study abroad which was required at this school, BM spent a weekend in SD's sorority house and filled out the paperwork for her. 

So...SD graduated with a writing degree and no writing work experience and no desire to get a job writing after graduation.  She finally listened to DH before her senior year and he got her an internship at the Wall Street Journal (he used to work for Dow Jones) but it was only 2 weeks long and she didn't cultivate any contacts.  She spent the next two years as a waitress and lived with BM.  She then decided to go to grad school in Colorado so she can smoke pot legally and wanted a degree in Communications so she can get a job marketing recreational use marijuana.  DH did not agree with it at all, so he only gave her a third of her security deposit for her first apartment.  BM foot the bill. (She gained an inheritance shortly after SD graduated as an undergrad.)

Now SD is 26, nearly 27.  She is finally working in a "real" job, making a whopping $40k per year with a graduate degree, and works for a lawn care company.  We still think she is rather immature for her age, but she's a million times better than she was a few years ago. 

I worked full time while in high school, and graduated from college without debt.  Not sure if it's a generational thing or what.

My niece is graduating from high school in June.  She is getting a free ride to college through the Army/ROTC.  She is so completely different than my SD.  She doesn't need a full scholarship to go to college, but wants to do this.  Proud of her.

You've explained. You've shown her the facts. You can't make her believe her if the mom is saying otherwise.

Does SD, and by extension her BM, understand that there is nothing DH can contribute beyond his legal financial obligation? That if there is no support beyond 18 in the decree, he cannot commit to give her anything, and will  not cosign loans, as he still has three other children to support. That if there is support in the decree, that is all he is contributing.

DH needs to explain the finances once more (and that student loans are not dischargable under bankruptcy) and then let her and her mom make the final decision. You can't make someone financially responsible. You can only show them the way to get there.

Will do your skid a world of good. It sounds as if the mother is the source of a lot of your SD's anxiety.

Just a quick FYI.  I work for a non-profit and make an excellent salary and have top of line insurance and benefits.  I don’t make as much as I might in the private sector, but it is still lucrative.  Not every non-profit is subsistence wages.

I am always on the side of reality.  A person going to college needs to understand what others can or  cannot provide.  I am not opposed to student loans ( NOT co- signed loans). 

I was able to attend a fabulous woman’s college on scholarship with a loan.  It changed my life.  But my loan amount was approximately half of my first year’s salary.   I think that is a fairly good yardstick to use.  

 But had that not worked for me I would have gone to a local college- even if it was not so hot.  

 But the most important thing is for a child to accept the reality of the situation. 

The best thing I ever suggested to my older two kids was to take a gap year. My son graduated in the top 2% of his class, was ASB President, in sports, was active in the community etc and my oldest daughter graduated Valedictorian. Both are Type A and both took a gap year. Not only did they gain work experience and life experience, it gave them a chance to really think about college and what it meant. In the end they are both attending a local university. 

My middle daughter is enrolling in a technical high school in the fall and will (fingers crossed) have her cosmetology license before she graduates high school. My youngest plans to enroll in the same school in a different program. 

Your SD should also look into whether or not she needs college to get where she wants to be in 10 years. 

This sadly sounds so like my SD18 except she is going to community college. She far away from her anxiety driven BM but is so co-dependent on her it’s ridiculous. She has no clue what she wants to do and has absolutely no social activities to the point it is driving me crazy.

how the hell do you get any freaking alone time when your depressed anxiety ball of mess SD is always around?!?

If the divorce decree says each bio parent must pay half after all scholarships etc., shouldn't BM be taking the loans? I'm about to embark on this issue shortly.