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Feel very sad

Jumpjimcrow's picture

Submitted by Jumpjimcrow on Sat, 03/31/2018 - 3:52pm

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Disengaging

I have been disengaging for sometime. Its helped me. However my partner who sees more of his adult daughter now, and two small Grandsons seems to be going back to having her direct his life. She is setting him up to become a regular babysitter and I know this is just the start of more to come. Thats the hard part. More to come ugh! I just feel so sad. I have to be strong and really be disengaged  and not interfere.  It feels unbearable to be around this any longer. Finishing my relationship seems to be all I can do . Im not feeling strong enough to endure any more. I wish I was. So need to vent here because I live in a small rural community and dont want gossip to do its poisonous rounds. His daughter lives here too. Extra difficult. Thanks X

 

fairyo's picture

Submitted by fairyo on Sat, 03/31/2018 - 5:12pm

Hi- so many of us like this it seems. Instead of choosing me The Ostrich chose to let OSD run his life-well they are welcome to each other. I no longer have to have that sort of crap in my life. Steplife like this will sap your strength but you must trust your instincts,which are telling you to fly. 

In the end I just left- it was a lightbulb moment-why should I stay there? Things fell into place, but I had a network of friends and family away from where I lived. Make a plan. Don't tell anyone, then when the time is right just go. Goodluck .

Jumpjimcrow's picture

Submitted by Jumpjimcrow on Sat, 03/31/2018 - 5:40pm

because if I dont share this and be understood I just feel so overwhelmed. So thanks. Im asking myself if I want to stay in this much longer and the answer is no. Im always thinking it will improve and so hang on in there waiting. Ha ha waiting for what. It has sapped me. I dont sleep like I used to. My hair and clothes have turned blah. I no longer have my own car, go out alone to visit friends and feel excited. It triggered my depression. Aghhh I feel unhappy and powerless. Its time to step back and be real with myself. In the end it is DH and his daughters web. I want to rip myself away from it. Yes. Thanks fairyo.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Submitted by SacrificialLamb on Sun, 04/01/2018 - 8:37am

Please find a counselor that you can work with to build up your strength and make changes in your life! You should not settle for situations that make you unhappy.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 04/02/2018 - 4:36pm

even when all of the history and repeated drama clearly proves that a toxic person is irrecoverably toxic.

It is sad to see those we love eternally chase their toxic spawn or other toxic relatives.

For those  of us who live in a black and white world free of grey this process does not seem to be as difficult to navigate while those who have a grey scale in their lives never seem to be able to write off the eternally toxic.

Please find a safe place to get some support and some conseling.  You have to rediscover the JJC you like being so that you can keep  yourself safe and whole even while your partner once again goes down the rathole  with the toxic spawn.

Only you can decide if this is a relationship you can remain in. I navigated my version  of your situation in my first marriage.  Thankfully my toxic cavern crotched whore of an XW filed for divorce and gave me the greatest gift of that marriage... my life back.  I also got a killer queso recipe and an amazing pair of elephant skin cowboy boots (one of the last legally sourced pairs sold) but those pale in comparrison to the divorce papers.  Other than marrying her... my one regret is that I did not have the confidence to leave.  I was all in and would not have divorced her.  Thankfully she had no character or staying power.  In my own defence, if I had known she was shopping her junk out to every available partner in the city.. I would have been gone in a heart beat.

Whatever you decide... take care of  you.