How is it MY responsibility???
The last time my skids came over was a month ago, and they brought 2 LARGE garbage bags full of dirty laundry that their mom "didn't have enough money to do (at the laundry mat)", so I did their laundry that weekend. Fine...well, except for the 1-inch thick "blanket" of cat/dog hair that I had to pull out of the lint trap (gross!)!
Anyway, this weekend, they asked (again!) if we can do their laundry for them. I said NO, and I said this because the last time they were here, SD14 told DH that her mom had recently spent $500 (YES, FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!) on groceries, and just last night DS11 was online with SS16 and he was told that they (SD14, SS16, and their mom) had gone to a hockey game that same day. And NOW, they want ME to do THEIR laundry??? If she has money to blow on that many groceries and a hockey game, she can do her own dang laundry! And what do you think she'll be doing this weekend with the kids over at our house? Drinking, of course! So this just means she can only have 2 drinks instead of 5!
I don't get how it's MY responsibility to do HER chores! I only did it the last time because they surprised DH with it - they just come out to his car, he doesn't see their mom on pick ups. He actually said to me "Well, they NEED clean clothes..." O.o Seriously??? If they needed clean clothes, then their mother should have ensured that they HAD clean clothes! It's not MY fault she chose to live in a dumpy apt without on-site laundry facilities. I got my own laundry to do. What's next? We need to buy her groceries for her, too? Heck no!
If they show up with their laundry bags, I'm making DH do it. I'm too busy making an Easter dinner (turkey with all the fixins) and dealing with MY chores!
I mean, am I being unreasonable? Would YOU do the skids' laundry even if you knew they had money to spend in other areas? I did their laundry when they were with us for the WEEK, but I think that's different. IMO, the Witch was too lazy to do the laundry and told the kids to save it for when they came over.
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Comments
Unless it is the wear and
Unless it is the wear and tear on your appliances and the cost of the water/soap, why not tell these teenage kids to do their own laundry?
If it is the laundry at your home you don't want, have your DH gather it back up and take it rightback to BMs.
Why would you be doing laundry for kids this age even if the laundry was being worn at your home on Dad's time.
Free yourself, woman. You are not their maid!
Valid
It's so so important to establish boundaries that make sense for you and your DH. I am no expert, however, I can certainly relate to feeling taken advantage of when SS16 pushes the boundaries. It's your right to put your foot down. Now they can bring their clothes for the duration of their stay (ideally those clothes would be clean) and they THE SKIDS - can wash their clothes before heading back home. What BM and Skids do in her home, is her business. But certainly unfair for her to send the Skids over with bags of dirty clothes expecting for you to just do them. You are in control. You can have a very reasonable conversation w DH and have him reesatblish those boundaries. I know it's frustrating and you have every reason to be upset. However, when you set those boundaries down, and firm, you will find peace and comfort knowing that they know what is acceptable vs unacceptable.
Good luck!
NO, NO, NO, Laundromat time for DH
Do Not let your DH do those skids laundry in your machine. If the SKids dragged bags of laundry to the car at pick time, your DH needs to tell them to go get money for their BM for the laundromat and HE needs to take them there and make them do their own laundry. FFS, my DS was doing his own laundry by the time he was 10 years old.
Not allow the kids to do
Not allow the kids to do their laundry at their father's house is beyond petty.
Would it help if each kid handed dad a roll of quarters for the privilege of being able to wash their clothes in his home?
As long as no one expects/demands that the OP washes their funky clothes, why go to battle over something so minor?
I really don't think being
I really don't think being the BM's servant is minor. This is about power and pettiness of the BM. There is absolutely no reason an adult should send 2 weeks worth of dirty laundry to anyone's house.
Their mother is awful for not
Their mother is awful for not taking care of the kids for 2 weeks when she has them full time. SHE shouldn't have custody if she can manage to keep their clothing clean.
Its not minor Disney fan. Its neglectful.
IF they were toddlers cps would be after her with a parenting plan. Food, laundered weather appropriate clothing, running water, electric.
She is providing a shelter,
She is providing a shelter, food...for the kids, so she us taking care of them. For whatever reason they are not getting to a laundromat on a regular basis. HOWEVER, they have another option. They can do their laundry at their dad's house.
If I were a caseworker , I'd think both parents were pathetic. Mom for not figuring out how to get the kids to a laundromat on a regular basis and dad for not allowing his kids to use his washer and dryer.
Why is it the parent's responsibility to keep their clothes clean? They are 14 and 16 years old. All the parents should be doing at this point is providing access to laundry facilities. That can be in the home or in a public space.
If these are skids who come
If these are skids who come EOW I would NOT do two weeks of laundry since their last visit. F*ck BM.
agree
When I met my husband and my step daughters would come over from their moms he would have to wash their blankets. And I'm like why? Why can't she walk her ass to the laundry room while she takes their other laundry and wash the blankets there? I feel like your step kids mother is the type that you give her a inch and she takes a mile. As in you did the laundry once so she feels you can keep doing it and doing it. I completely agree because I feel like if you can afford that much money and groceries why not put some money aside to do laundry at least 10 to $15? And also hockey games are expensive and sometimes even have to pay for on-site parking. So I feel if you have money to spend on these things then you have or you should have money to spend on laundry for your kids. It's called priorities. Clean laundry should have came first before a hockey game. Even if the kids are doing laundry that's still detergent being used more frequent and you have to go out and buy more. I'm the type where I buy things and I have a time schedule of how long it will last and when I go get more.
EXACTLY!
This is what I"m trying to get at! Last time, there was so much cat/dog hair, I could have made my own dog a new playmate! What if it had wrecked our washer/dryer? We're only renting, so we would have to replace the machines out of our own pocket.
I get that it's partly our responsibility, but not a whole month's worth when we haven't seen them in that long. If they mess up their clothes WHILE they're with us, then sure. I'll wash that ONE article of clothing. But we're not the laudromat.
It would be using up OUR resources, which WE have to pay for. And it's not just one load. It's 2 loads for 2 separate kids. Maybe if BM sent over her own laundry soap, it wouldn't be as bad. But she's expecting us to do it all our own dime when she clearly has enough to do it herself.
Nope nope nope. This is a
Nope nope nope. This is a power play, like someone said above. It is not your responsibility to do your DH's ex-wife's laundry!!! Do you think, for one second, that BM would do YOUR laundry! My gosh, your DH would have 47 nasty messages and 300 phone calls saying what a massive B you were.
Take those bags right back to the car and send them as is back to BM's house. Your DH should not even be taking them in the first place.
The skids are old enough to
The skids are old enough to do their own laundry under their father's watchful eye. When they arrive, their dad should walk them to your machine and they should do it together. Let them bond while getting their business done. All kids need to learn to do laundry and this is a perfect reason for them to learn now. If you really find that too much compromise, let them wash enough clothes to get through the weekend and send them home in clean clothes carrying the remaining dirty clothes back in bags.
The dog hair won't wreck your machine.
And the resposibility should not be on you. It should be on their parents, and if not biomom, then biodad.
I get it - it's an imposition and gives his ex a free pass. But the kids still need clean clothes. Why shouldn't their father be responsible for some of their daily care, especially if it keeps his kids from becoming those stinky kids who get bullied in school?
Nope. Would not of even
Nope. Would not of even excepted all those bags of clothing in the first place. You’re being taken advantage of. And why in the world to the kids and the dad think you are responsible to their laundry?
Nope. Nope. Nope.
BM used to cross that
BM used to cross that boundary so much. She would even send skid over wearing dirty clothes and underwear from the day before!! Her excuse was that it was first thing in the morning and she could change clothes when we got back to our house. EW. As much as I can't stand SD, I would never be so blatantly neglectful as to put her in dirty clothes...much less send her out in them. BM would send damp clothes, dirty clothes, and full bags of laundry for me to do. I agreed to do it once or twice while she was waiting for her new washing machine to be delivered, but she obviously took that as me agreeing to become her new maid. Just send the dirty clothes back with them; as long as you have clean clothes for them at your house, then they're fine. We have a full house set up here for SD so she doesn't need to worry about clothes and toys going missing and getting broken going back and forth between houses. BM leeches enough money from my husband as it is, without us spending money on doing chores for her. We have a wardrobe for her here so SD always has clean clothes to wear, even when her mum tries to take the piss with dirty laundry. She has toys here that won't get smashed or stolen by BM's partner's kids at her house. Believe me it makes things a lot easier. BM will soon take the hint if you refuse to do it. You're already looking after her kids, you shouldn't be being made to do her household chores for her. That's complete disrespect for you on her part and DH shouldn't stand for it either. She's trying to take you for a mug....don't let her.