Birth Mother's Suicide
Here's my story...
I met my boyfriend 7 years ago..I am madly in love with him..he's amazing..the love of my life. I knew coming into this relationship that he had two girls (ages now 12,15) it did not bother me at all.
He also HAD his girls 50 percent if the time..at first it was different but I got used to it. He's EX was never easy to deal with, lots of threats towards me and constant drama on her end for about 3 years. Then she finally accepted me after I lived with my bf for the last 2 years at the time..
Throughout the years I have been VERY challenged by his oldest daughter... She is ( it sounds so bad) the most miserable little girl I have ever met..he's youngest I have never had a issue with! But I dealt with the older one as it was only 50 Percent of the time..I mean this little girl is awful..you ask how her day was..she automatically snaps'Fine!!! Why!???' Everything nyou ask her or say to her she's very rudeee!! No words really..
Ok here's the kicker....ready...2 years ago her mother committed suicide...she just had another baby under a year at the time with another man...absolutely has been heartbreaking... She left 3 girls without their mother.
So the girls have now moved in with us full time...I have been there for them every step of the way.
I chose not to have my own children a long time ago. My choice. It scares me for my future.. Especially considering me and the oldest ones.relationship.. I cant handle it..it has came between me and my bf relationship countless times..it sounds soooo bad but if it was just the youngest one..I would have no doubts whatsoever. I become very resentful ..and upset and unhappy.
We are now engaged...i cannot be without him...so I am choosing to block it out...and try my best..any input would be appreciated any tips to.make it easier..thank you:)
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You know
There are No tips. She is 15 you are not going to change her. Unless her father you SO does something. Him letting her come between you and Him saids he not going to do anything, not now not ever
she most likely need need to see someone. Dealing with first break up now the lost of her mother.
most likely this is how she is and it’s not going to change. Remember nothing said she is going to leave the home at 18 she may be with you for a long time .
counseling
The child needs counseling to help her deal with anger and grief over losing her mom.
What has changed in 2 years?
OP, it seems that you consistently present a stylized, fantasized version of a real relationship with SO. Verbatim. Cut-and-paste. Literally. Nothing appears to have changed other than the depth of your anger & resentment towards the skids.
Blocking it out, sweeping it under the carpet, flat denial, or even pretending to live in a different, parallel Universe will not work in the long run. Hold on to the ring for a bit.
Skids could likely use some professional help. It's hard to reconcile the kid's love towards someone who was a cr*ppy parent IRL & who ultimately rejected them with the magical, fantasy Mommy they wished for.
Good luck. Listen to your inner voice.
ETA: I mulled & wrote & deleted a bunch before posting. Truly, I never got that far on thinking about the skids. I got stuck on cut-and-paste "I can't live without DH" histronics. I have changed so much over the last 2 years that I can't imagine someone not --- heck, SGK's suicide attempts, cutting, sex offense charges, eating disorders, court cases, CPS ... I've aged. Two years is a long time. So, after a few glasses of wine I got stuck on OP's idealized love for her SO. Nonessential factoid.
Guess I should delete this but I'll let it ride. Stepping away from the phone. Sorry OP for wandering off-topic.
I copied and pasted on
I copied and pasted on purpose as i didnt want to write the story all over again...I deleted it for u so u don't have to criticised it...this post has nothing to do with my love for my So..u know nothing about it and I am pretty sure this website was made to support one another as stepparents...not judge or assume.....I am not in fantasy love world with my hubby...it truly is how it is..we are madly in love with one another which is rare and hard to find and will not give that up...yes I have major trouble with the oldest daughter however I do my very best to be there for her..she is in counseling...no family is perfect...mine just happened to go tho tragedy and has been tough on everyone...not much has changed in 2 years no....i guess I was just looking for advice or suggestions to make this a little easier for everyone!