Couldn't believe the vitriol out there!
This morning I linked on to Steptalk to find the site was down. Wanting to check up on this I did a search of Steptalk and what did I find? So much hatred out there! Many people saying this site was vile, full of evil child abusers and horrible bitchy women who hated their husbands. There were those who said they had used this site and then left because they were treated so badly, those who wanted the site banned, and others who said it had a terrible name and no one in the right mind would use it! They weren't complimentary about the moderators either.
Was this the same site that I came to a year ago and had my sanity saved by so much kindness, empathy and understanding?
Unfortunately you had to register on these sites to post comments, so I couldn't defend it, but it made me very angry to read some of the posts.
Then I went back to my baby eating and I'm glad to see the site back on-line so I can abuse people and slag off the man I love.
I too have that nasty baby
I too have that nasty baby eating habit....
It's probably just a hoard of angry BMs who hate the realities of a role they don't even understand. And the fact that maybe BM isn't some magical being that should be worshipped.
Very seriously though. i just
Very seriously though. i just looked at some of it and died. It's all these mom websites too. Or BMs gettin gmad because they apparently read that a SM had the audacity to discipline her child? I don't get that. What are SMs supposed to do? Just let the skid be a little s***?
I digress. I did just laugh at a lot of them. Also apparently we're all b*****
So congrats on our new title I just discoverd 
To be fair, most SM's think
To be fair, most SM's think their skids BM is awful and most BM's think their kids SM is awful so there is no love lost on either side and as a result the SM sites are full of rants about BM and BM sites full of rants about SM's.
BM is not a fan or me and I'm not as fan of her but we keep it polite for the most part on the surface and no doubt bitch to our hearts content about the other to our friends and family ha ha ha.
Bahaha. Oh I'm sure! I try to
Bahaha. Oh I'm sure! I try to be polite to BM for the sake of the skids, her less so... (Cussing someone out, shoving them, apparently not polite... Strange!)
But I'm sure the majority of SMs and BMs just don't get along. It's hard to deal with exes period. Whether it's your spouse's ex or your own!
Or, it could be a board full
Or, it could be a board full of SMs who have had different experiences as SPs. I will admit that I can not relate to many of the experiences/feelings posted about here because they are so different from my own.
While there is plenty of helpful advice here, if you search, you will find the type of posts they were talking about.
Yes, but...
...they were knocking the site itself, as if Steptalk shouldn't even exist. As if it were the work of the devil- that's the thing that made me angry. Of course there are people I disagree with on here, and as for the ones they were talking about I don't see any about abusing children for example, which is what they were claiming, if there were I would report them. Bitchy ones? well yes you get that on any social media site, but those I just scroll past. And I don't search for them.
I can only speak for myself,
I can only speak for myself, but by the time I found ST, I really NEEDED some brutal honesty. After so many years of drinking Kool-Aid and dealing with cognitive dissonance, I didn't know what was real and what wasn't any more.
A lot of step situations need our compliance in order to limp along. Our money, homes, time, maid, nanny, chauffeur and bed warming services prop up these failed families. Of course it serves everyone else better for us to not know too much.
I think there's a great deal of dysfunction and delusion to be found in the wake of some divorces, and a lot of parents who fear the truth. It's easier to demonize ST (imperfect as it is) than to admit there's some uncomfortable truth going on over here.
Meh
Those people can be appalled, scandalized, horrified, repelled, dismayed, outraged - whatever emotion they want. How nice for them that everything is all rainbows and unicorns. That's not the case for all.
None of us here (or anyone outside of here) knows what others truly deal with individually. One can sympathize, empathize, be incensed or disgusted by whatever event they hear/read. Take into account that people react in different ways to identical situations. What stresses out one person energizes another. We do not all react to the same situation and not all of our situations are the same.
Everyone forms their opinions on the bits and pieces they know. No, it's not the entire story, but we go on what we get. Walk a mile in that person's shoes. Walk 10 miles. Spend a year walking that path. Maybe, just MAYBE, you'll have a better understanding of what heaven/hell they're living. Don't forget to factor in that person's past: their upbringing, any horrific things that happened, possible PTSD, medical conditions, everything that molded them into who they are TODAY. Also, be sure that YOU react to that person's events IN THE EXACT SAME WAY. You can't do it.
People judge what they cannot see/feel/experience. People judge us every day by what we wear, how we look, how we speak, how we walk, how we drive... The key is to not let it matter. They are entitled to their own opinions. Even when those opinions are WRONG.
I have been part of several blended family sites over the years
STalk for the longest. The first one was great but only had a few dozen members and even fewer regular participants. I have run into a few old "friends" from that community here and on other SParent communities I belong to.
Different communities provide different support points for those who participate.
This community, like others, goes through cyclical phases. Yet it remains a viable community and tool for those who need it.
To be fair, the tone here has
To be fair, the tone here has changed a lot in the last 5 or so years. There were bitter step mothers who gave the Dis way step mothers a run for their money. Not all posters were that way, not even a quarter. But the terrible ones really made the most noise.
I have seen some of those
I have seen some of those myself and also Facebook. They all want to hold hands and sing Kum Ba Ya about how fabulous steplife is and how wonderful it is to have bonus kids, all of this while pixies and unicorns prance about. Meanwhile those who acknowledge their feelings and want to deal honestly with the reality of their particular situation are ostracised,shamed and made to feel evil. Whereas, when peeps come here you get honest viewpoints instead of being shamed for admitting that steplife may not be the most amazing thing to ever happen in the universe.
Unfortunately I am too busy sacrificing souls to the darklord to reply to them.
I found this site 18 months
I found this site 18 months ago after googling "adult step daughter hates me" and a post from Step Aside. I clicked on it and am so happy I did.
Lol three years ago when I
Lol three years ago when I found this site I googled "abusive step daughter and spineless husband"...low and behold I found my mecca!
With the rise of nacissism in
With the rise of nacissism in our society, it seem like there are a whole lot of snowflakes out there. Facebook now has a marketplace where people can buy and sell stuff. Every once in a while you'll see someone post something like, "wow, that looks damaged" or "this item is really overpriced, i don't think you will sell it for that", and rather than just ignore the post, these sellers go off into a tirade and try to have the person banned. Seriously, if this is the worst thing to happen to you today, get a real problem, kk snowflake?
If you don't want something, don't buy it. If you don't like something, don't watch it. If you don't like xyz religion, don't practice it. If you don't like gay marriage, don't get one. Think eating meat is unethical, don't eat it. Etc. But snowflakes' fee fees are so sensitive, they have to control what everyone else does, and ban whatever they don't like. It's nariccism, pure and simple.
"I have an image to uphold, and I'm going to portray I'm perfect and have a perfect life. Meanwhile in too vain to leave the house without makeup on, my hubby is cheating on me, I can't get along with anybody, and I'm on the verge of bankruptcy from my rampant materialism. Secretly I am a racist. But I am The Champion Of The Downtrodden™."
One also gets quite a lot of
One also gets quite a lot of articles in expensive glossy magazines about step mothers who are having a love fest with their new step children and can't really understand how anyone cannot manage to do like they do!
Someone should explain to them the Wednesday Martin theory that the bio-parent has to "give permission" for the child to like the step parent, and if they don't - there's no blooming way you're ever going to have a relationship.
That is Often Missed
I agree this is often missed: the bio-parent has to "give permission" for the child to like the step parent, and if they don't - there's no blooming way you're ever going to have a relationship.
I don't remember where, but I read a glowing report of SP'ing from someone the other day titled something like, "Hang in there," and she mentioned that part of the reason why she "made it" (And, I put "made it" in quotes because her 3 SKs weren't even teenagers yet.) was because she avoided all of those so-called negative sites. The author gave no information whatsoever on how much support she got from either her husband nor BM. And, she literally thought she had made it, because they were all getting along now, even though none of the kids were teenagers yet. (Insert laugh here!)
AND, who knows, things may just be fine for her now. But, getting along with your SKs teen years and all the way into adulthood, that is pretty much a crap shoot, as any tenured SM knows, and by tenured, I'm thinking around 10 years experience of being a SM to see some of the realities and realize you always seem to be the one left holding the spoiled lunch. By that time, usually at least one SK is either a teenager or adult and has shown their true colors, whatever they mayy be. Again, not to rain on anyone's parade, becuz' IF you have at least a supportive DH, with a few other qualifiers, it can work. Yet, at the same time, a heavy-PAS'ing BM can knock it all down with just one good shot.
There is just so much that goes into the Miracle of the Blended Family, and there is ignorance even among SPs themselves, esp. those just into it. Funny thing is that the main determinants are DH and BM and not SM and kids. Sad, but true, and yet very few are aware of this. They just think, "Oh, anyone can do what I did and hang in there and make it work!," never realizing that the reason for their success had much more to do with support from their DH and even BM, than it had to do with anything else.
It is sad there are so many
It is sad there are so many Fakebook and other social media posts that show only what they want the world to believe. I know my mean adult steps never show in their social media posts the reality of how terrible they treat their bio parent and myself. God forbid, what would their friends think.
This site has been a blessing and helped me navigate on dealing with the harsh realities of steplife knowing that I am not alone in the way the adult steps have reacted to the marriage of DH and I.
Life isn't always perfect and the harsh reality is that some steps are going to be hateful and will stop at nothing to try and undermine and disrespect their stepparent.