Well, as much of a follow up as it can be before anything goes down!!!

DH and I talked (again!) and have decided to take some of your wise advice. We will be going to family holiday events together or not at all. We're going to have a open house for the family either the Sunday before or after so everyone gets to see everyone but that's going to be it (as of now).

Here's the email that's going out to them. I don't know why we have to explain ourselves so often but that's what ends up happening. Let me know if it seems out of line -

Dear friends and family,

After a lot of thought and discussion we have come to an agreement about how holidays will be handled by the X household and we would like to let you in on it and explain a bit.

DH and BM are divorced. There is no more DH and BM. There is now DH and PBM; and BM and BMDH. And it seems like everyone is happier with their choices. This is a wonderful thing. All of our family should be overjoyed for us and our new families. Even without the awkwardness factor we've added 2 families (PBM's and BMDH's) and their traditions and expectations to the mix. What that means, though, is holidays as everyone knows them have to change. Not really a big deal when you think about it since life and circumstances are always changing and we all have to adapt to new things. We're just over 4 years delayed on this one.

The kids benefit from this line of thinking as well. They are not put in the middle of a more stressed situation and they are not seeing their parents being uncomfortable and not truly enjoying themselves and their time with family just in the name of "getting along". And, really, they get a minimum of 2 celebrations! No need to feel sorry for them, they are smart and they know what's going on, even when the words are not spoken.

Besides the divorce we've also added a shift worker to the mix. The shift work is not something that is likely to change anytime soon. It's a fairly rewarding job and it provides well for the family.

That being said, from here on out, if either of our family heads are unable to make an event, either due to a work committment or a potentially awkward environment due to an ex being there we will not be attending. It's going to be both of us (and any kids who are home that day) or neither of us. End of story. We know not everyone will understand our thought process on this but we do ask that you all respect it. We appreciate every invitation we receive but it does end up causing conflict at times.

What we are thinking is, on most holidays, we will have some kind of open house here. Nothing huge or fancy, just a way for everyone to have a little something to eat and drink and celebrate without the stress. Most likely on the Sunday before or after the holiday (whichever one we have the kids). PBM has and will have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off until January 2014 and will be working overnight to make that happen.

This year we would love to have each of you over for appetizers and drinks on blah blah blah for an open house. No need to bring anything unless you have a special appetizer you enjoy making that you'd like to share. We would also prefer to not have a gift exchange for the adults. We just want to see you all. Eat, drink, be merry and all that.

Thoughts??