@Halo_Horns no I haven't told him why I want him to waive rights to my house because I don't want to come across as evil or uncaring. I'm even willing to leave him a life tenancy should I die first that gives him the right to live in the house so long as he keeps up with the required maintenance etcs.,

@Unfreakingreal the children have different mothers so it's 17% for one child and THEN 17% for the other child minus the first court order. Plus there's the possibility of prorated childcare, medical care etc,.it's 25% if they are in the same household.

@Willow2010 could you elaborate what exactly offends you so I could have a better understanding?

We pay rent now. He cannot afford to contribute equally or innproprtionnto a mortgage be it 15-30 year because of his CS. So really we'd be in an apt anyway. My money is the deciding factor. If we own this house equally then I am subsidizing hi children indirectly because I am carrying a larger share of the expense. I am no ok with that. Ad he knows this.

@realmcoy I've thought about that and yes he can have the portion of the house that he is capable of paying for we can own as tenants in common and own unequal shares. But keep in mind that this now opens him punt being proportiantely responsible for his portion of the mortgage/insurance/taxes/heating costs/repairs/water/sewer and all the other associated expenses and not just maybe $400-500 per month plus his share of light n gas... Whatever percentage of the total COST he can afford he can own. The problem is he doesn't want that. He wants to own half knowing he doesn't have the ability to contribute anywhere near that amount. 

See I see where everyone is coming from to a certain extent. If BF made 30k and I made 70k and we both had no kids. I would think it reasonable to pay 70% of the bills and have him pay 30% AND split everything equally 50/50 even though I bring home more simply because we are a team. The way it works now we make equal amounts w/ 34% of his incoming legally belonging to his children. As I've stated I'm not bitter about that just realistic. Why should I contribute 100% of my income to our household while he contributes 66%. This is not something I agree with and he knows AND understands. That being said if I should throw my 100% in the communal pot with his 66% (and God know what that actual figure will actually be with extras and all) then I am subsidizing his lifestyle and his children. My income benifiting him and I frees up his money for his children yet he has equal claim to my money. And as for SAHM not having am equal say that's BS Shea home running their household taking care of their child. That benefits the household. Period.

Just for example at top pay (which we are not at yet yes I have the exact same position) for arguments sake our salary plus a little overtime = $100,000-25k (approximate taxes) =$75,000-17% (child 1) =$62,250-17% (child 2) separate mother= $51,668 divide that by 26 (pay periods per year)= $1,987 now factor in mortgage/home insurance/ taxes/ light/ gas/ heat/ water/ sewer/ his car insurance/ commuting expenses/ his car maintenance/ his cell phone/ his personal saving/ his retirement accts etc and NY is very expensive. Also in NYS child support can be MORE than 17% especially with young children. It can include the cost of child care, and medical coverage (he carries them). And these are just of the top of my head. He cannot afford to pay a proportionate share of our household bills DUE SOLELY TO CS. why should he own an equal portion?

@snickersgal never married to either BM so basically state law would apply (as opposed to a divorce decree). I dot think so but who knows.

@Unfreakingreal that is exactly the plan. NYC police officers can live in Suffolk Westchester, Orange, Rockland, Nasaau and Putnam and in addition to the overpriced 5 Boros. I'm currently looking in orange and Rockland. And my point is marriage is a business. Yes love is apart of it but let's be real it's still a business.

@kaybitesback a SAHM moms for children bornn of the marriage is fulfilling her role as a a wife and mother. You two decided that the division of labor was that he works and you stay home. This benefits him as well. Now if the kids you were staying home, and taking care of was not his and he comes home to a filthy house and uncookled dinner I'd say that you're not holding up your end of the bargain. Otherwise you're entitled to your half. Apples and oranges.

@stickafork the sense of permanence. The longing to belong to one person and and have that person belong to me. The thought of sharing my life with ONE person, and looking over in our old age and reflecting on our life. Sharing those 'knowing' laughs. I want to have children with this man im describing. This is the main reason. I do not want to coparent. I want to PARENT with my spouse. I want to have the family I didn't have as I was raised by a single mom with a father that was very loving and involved although he lived across the country. I want to build a legacy that I can leave to the next generation of mini-me and mini-hims. I want to build family traditions that carry on for generations. I want to contribute no matter how small to the bigger thread of our community... Sounds corny right?

@ImaSmom if your friend was injured on the job in such a way that prevented him from doing his job then he should have retired three quarters. When officers are injured on the job in such a capacity that they may no longer fulfill their job they are released frim active duty and paid 75% of their normal pay TAX FREE. In regards to being disabled off the job I would take care of my husband and my BF KNOWS this. He'd also collect disability and guess what CS would garnish 17%. Definitely not the 17% BM's are used to but it's 17% nonetheless. That's the standard of living dad lives at. However his children would be on their own beyond that. They'd essentially have one working parent just like our (future) kids together. Why should I take care of his kids when I have my own? Hell even if I don't have my own. THEY HAVE A MOTHER- No? just like my kids have a mother. Me! I will take care of my husband to the best of my ability. But not his prior existing obligation that's where I draw the line. I'm regards to his kids getting sick we have insurance I'd it's something outside his insurance we'd buckle down and figure it out that is a different circumstance altogether. 

@OldDart I don't seek to exclude the kids however both BM's would rather I do nothing for their kids and I am happy to oblige. I think it's fair for him to split his assets four ways upon his death. However I don't think he should leave my assets to his kids equally. The home I'm planning to buy will always be more mine and I want my children to benefit from that. Honestly if I could be CERTAIN the portion of the house I paid for would go to my heirs I wouldn't mind him being on the deed. I do however feel some sorta way that I'll sacristy so much and my children will not benefit. If I owned 80% of the home and he owned 20% I'd be fine leaving my 80% equally between my children an him bequeathing his equally between his children. I also have large life insurance policies and various savings and retirement accounts that we've both agreed we'll leave equally to our children. Of course we'll ensure each other is adequately provided for in old age but essentially we will pass our legacy to our heirs.

@YANKEE GIRLl I think I read somewhere that (in NYS) if a married parents inability to pay would cause the SKIDS to need govt assitance then a stepparents could be forced to pay CS. Trust me I've thought about it... I mean really how many stepmoms here want to pay for their non-custodial stepkids. Don't all volunteer at once.

@Geraldine that's not fair though because myself and my (future) children will have to sacrifice so much at the expense of his CS to his first two kids... I say that we own shares equal to what we have contributed that we may do with as we wish. I can live with that. Hopefully my portion can be placed in a trust...

@YANKEE GIRL she should have filed injured spouse. The injured spouse should have been filed at the same time as her taxes this flags the return so that the IRS separates it in two and returns the portion that slings to the stepparent. This is generally used only if a NCO falls into arrears past a certain amount. Should that happen married filing separately is the way to go. The few deductions that's lost filing this way surely makes up for protecting your tax returns... That's your portion. Step parent is entitled to there portion. Your friend could have gotten the money back by filing the injured spouse form the money is held and the NCP is notified prior to the distributions of the funds to the CP.

Ok so after listening to much of what was said yesterday (re: spouse paying spouse rent). I've suggested to my BF that he can own a share of the future home from the date of marriage equal to what he can afford to contribute. Instead of owning our home as joint tenants with rights of survivorship as most married people do (essentially either party owns the entire property upon the death of the first spouse) we can own it as "tenants in common". I own my share he owns his definitely not a 50/50 split. He doesn't seem too happy with that as he said he'll have way less to contribute because he will always have more children, and more responsibilities than myself. Upon either death each spouses estate remains their separate estate to distribute as they see fit. I'll gladly leave him a life tenancy though I wouldn't foresee our future kids forcing their own father out of his home (though stranger things have happened) and would accept the same from him. 

I've given this much thought as to why this matters so much to me and the truth of it all is that my children and I will sacrifice much (I say this because 34% of dads income goes outside our home and therefore more of my income pays for our home to make up for that) due to BF paying his legally obligated child support for the next 18-20 years as SKIDS are 3 and 1 respectively. In NYS CS currently continues through the age of 21. I will for the better part of 20 years carry our household. The only reason that is not the case now is 1) I'm not having it being just a GF and 2) we live someplace where we can BOTH afford the rent. I would like my OWN children to benefit from my hard work the bulk of that will be in our home, If something were to happen to me I need to be sure that this is seen through. (he and I have already agreed that our savings and retirements including contributions made after marriage will be kept separate and he acknowledges due to his prior obligations that there will likely be a disparity in accumulations our home is just an extension of that) I've also considered that the house can be in our name but held in a trust that benefits the children born of our marriage irrevocable upon the first spouses passing. One never knows how soon or far that is. But I still worry about what would happen if God forbid we were to divorce what if a judge doesn't acknowledge that I contributed more to our life and divides things equally? Hence the reason for the insistence on a prenup. As OP stated in response in my last blog his track record of two kids not too far apart by two diff women gives me much concerns as he was in a very casual friends with benefits type relationship w/ BM 1 and a hit it and quit relationship with BM 2. Neither should have resulted in a child especially the child of BM 2. It leaves me to wonder, and yes worry about our future. There are also other practical things to worry about that were pointed out by other posters. If we were to sell our home and capital gains were made does he owe 17%x2 on his half of the home although he didn't actually contribute to "his half". If he were to fall behind and arrears accrued could a lien be attached on his portion of our home. Again would that be his undeserved half or his contributed to 20% what a difference that could and would make. The difference between his half or his 20% would be him bequeathing 50% of our home to 4 kids or his 20% to 4 kids. Why should he dilute my hard earnings to kids I didn't produce, and therefore am not responsible for?

Another posted stated that my hard financial stance would leave SAHM moms out. I should point out that I addressed that in a previous blog entitled and I will copy and post a portion: "IMO when a man and woman determine he will work and she will stay home, and rear the children/run the house they have a division of labor that is understood to benefit all of them. Even though he makes the bacon and she fries it they both own it all 50/50. IMO opinion that's what divorce laws were REALLY meant to protect." HERE IMO IS AN IMPORTNAT DISTINCTION IN STEP/BLENDED FAMILIES AND WHAT I BASED THE PREMISE OF MY PREVIOUS POST ON SPOUSE PAYING SPOUSE RENT "Such is not true in step/blended families. He is obligated to provide part of that bacon to his previous children which does not benefit your family/household. And you staying home may not be 100% benefit to the family/household. Lets be real step mom staying home caring for children from a previous relationship isn't doing your new husband/family/household any favors. It benefits your previous family the way CS benefits his. On another note step mom isn't obligated to care for his previous children. Although he may expect you to do so as part of your contribution and SAHM/W duties."

My BF paying CS does not benefit his current family the way a SAHM/W staying home with another mans kids or me wanting to own my home independently of him doesn't benifited him. Plenty of things in step/ blended family aren't fair they just are and we learn to live with them. 

Another poster said since you own your home independently of your husband that doesn't benefit him just you- I suppose you'll never expect him to make repairs, or mow the lawn. My answer to that is do any of your husbands expect you to things for SKIDS that in no way befits SMOM? Cook, babysit, clean up... Oh ok then.