:jawdrop: Just saw this coming from a mile away!!!

I have been married to DH for ten years this coming November. I left my teaching career to becomae the mother of four SC 15, 12, 8, and 3. Two of these children have severe disabilities and one has been in a residential facility since the age of 8 (the 15 y/o). The other SS at three was suffering from such developmental delays that he could not feed himself, wasnt toilet trained, did not hardly talk..basically...1/2 his age. BUT I loved these children as mine. The two SD 12 and 8 struggled a bit having a new person come in, but my DH was gone all the time working, so I had no choice but to just step in there and take the reins. BM is a whole other matter. I had a hard time believing my DH at first about her, but, OH MY!!! what a piece of work. This woman cannot even maintain an apartment that she lives in herself....thats a whole other story. Moving forward, DH and I had 3 little boys together who are now 8, 7, and 5. So in total, 7 children... 24, 21, 18, 13, 8, 7, and 5.

My SD who is now 18 is the subject of my frustration right now. For the last couple of years, she has been one of the most, if not the SOLE cause of our marital arguments and issues. I would talk to my husband each morning and night and decide ways to go forward ..and it woudl seem we would be SOLID!! BUT THEN..as I moved forward with the day, and things played out, as they quite often do with 15-17 y/o SD, HE would be the softie and turn things back around on ME. Im not saying I am perfect,....heck, far from it,,,BUT I have been there for my SD for almost 10 years now and my heart is simply BROKEN TO PIECES. After seeing a marriage counselor, and trying to resolve all of these issues, last year my DH DECIDED AGAINST MY WISHES to send my SD to live with her Aunt. The biggest issues betwwen my SD and I were typical issues that you would face with any teenager, but my DH found it easier to send her away and "solve" the problem than to deal with the issues head on. The issues were mainly disrespectfull talking towards me, refusal to do what she was asked to do, and things of that sort. Sher also refused to work or even try to go find a job, and frequently referred to me as the devil b/c I was forcing her to do things she didn't want to do. SHE was not having any moral issues at that point, something I was very happy about, and probably should have focused on more (looking back).
After moving to her Aunts, she basically had free reign to do whatever she wanted top do whenever. She was a FREE person at 17 with no person to guide and help direct her. OH BOY..OF COARSE SHE WAS HAPPY!!! During this time, she also started seeing a boy who was 20 y/o and not of our faith. At home, this would have been severely frowned upon..and most likely nipped in the bud. BUT NO...she had no parent there...my DH the softie that he is...did not want to tackle that at all...SO....moving on..she was living with her aunt during 1/2 of her senior year and lived at home with her dad while I was in CA for a month in the summer. OOOHHH>>>>I HATE THAT she was staying in my house without me here...TRUST...things gone through..missing....IM still mad over that, but even the mention of it makes my DH mad!!!! GGRRRR!!!! NOW She has moved to the community college town 45 miles away and finally has a job. She is enrolled in teh local JC ( THANKS TO ME FOR GETTING HER FAFSA DONE) OF COARSE...she doesnt want any help from me..so spends full price on Books, etc...such a smart girl!!! I now realize that doing TOO MUCH for her for the last 10 years was a HUGE mistake. There is a difference betweeen parenting and enabling....wont make that mistake again!!! I do sound like the wicked with talking about her, but Im pretty dang fired up right now!! I have gone to that town several times to shop and such and have offered to get her for lunch, etc....only to be rebuffed.."IM A BUSY COLLEGE KID>>I DONT HAVE TIME!!! She wont give her work or class schedule so that I dont try to CONTROL her. Im sorry, but BRAT!!! She has completely stopped going to church and is still dating this boy, who we now know is on probation for sexual act with a minor under 16. Havent broached that with her..that would be all out WAR!!!!

My 21 y/o SD had her baby shower this weekend so my 18 y/o SD came down for it. Of coarse, I got the cold shoulder from her, but at this point, Im kinda immune to that (well, at least it sounds good, right???) I must always keep separate my feeling between the two SD...One is now doing great, thankfully!! She is having a baby in a few months. I dont feel that she is my SD..I have always treated them as my own....to the best of my ability. The only hinderances have been BM and DH..and of coarse the games that the kids liked to play in between all parents!!
Anyways...after the baby shower that night, I noticed that my 18 SD's car was at this boys house. Come to find out she had been in town for two days and was basically playing house with this boy. WTH!!!! AND NOW...my DH dropped a bombshell on me tonight that my SD told him she doesnt really want to do any church right now. Of coarse, WHO WAS THERE TO GUIDE HER????? IM SO STINKIN MAD RIGHT NOW!!! IM SCREAMING INSIDE LITERALLY MAD AT MY DH FOR HAVING HER MOVE TO HER AUNTS...MAD AT HER AUNT FOR NOT TAKING CARE OF HER ENOUGH( THOUGH ITS REALLY NOT HER FAULT) MAD AT BM FOR BEING SOOO STUPID AND ONLY TELLING SD WHAT SHE WANTS TO HEAR..NEVER THE TRUTH......MAD AT MYSELF FOR NOT FIGHTING MORE WHEN SHE WAS SENT AWAY.....I FEEL AS IF A PIECE OF ME...ONE OF MY APPENDEAGES, HAVE YOU, WAS RIPPED AWAY AND THERE IS A HUGE GAPING HOLE THERE THAT CAN NEVER HEAL...AND NOW.....MMMMOOOORRREEEEE......2 months from now we haev our 10 year anniv. I am seeing a counselor now because I am depressed, have severe panic attacks, and sometimes just hate myslef....will we make it to 10 years or even beyond...How do I LET GO of what my SD is doing now and let her choices be hers and not feel like im at fault for not fighting harder to keep her at HOME????? I told my DH tonight after he laid the church bombshell on me that he better get ready to be grandpa again sooner than later....HOW CAN HE TAKE THING SO COOOOLLLY He tells me that I am taking things TTOOOO personally and letting them affect me..How do I NOT do that????? I feel like my heart is going to explode and dont know how to react. AND My biggest fear is that it will happen AGAIN with my 13 y/o SS who is very developmentally and academically needy..SOOOO Im always on teh defensive when it comes to my interactions with him.....ADVICE NEEDED!!!!HELP!!!!

:O