Just needed somewhere to write this out...
If you don't remember I posted last month about DH talking to another woman...one he had an emotional affair with a few years ago. I was livid. This is how things have progressed...
I threw a fit and told DH to stop talking to her. DH told me he was an adult and could do whatever he wanted, I was crazy and jealous and nothing was going on so stop being stupid. (He did tell me he was talking to her, I didn't just find out about it, so at least he wasn't hiding it-doesn't make me feel any better)
At first all I could think about was...why is he doing this? What did I do to him to make him want to hurt me? I just focused on being hurt.
After I calmed down, I thought maybe something is wrong in our marriage that he is choosing to talk to her again...If I fix what's wrong maybe I can get rid of her...
So I ask him-he says that he has no issues with me. I'm a good wife and mother and step mother and he loves me.
Which led to this reasoning...So he wants to play around with this woman while I sit on the back burner. F*ck that! He wants to play this game I can do you one better. You will not play around with this whore and still get the benefits of having me as your wife. I stopped doing everything. I don't do his laundry, I don't make his lunch for work, I don't cook for him, I barely speak to him at all. He's noticed. He asked me if I was mad at him...mad? mad doesn't cover it. I guess he better hope I still want him when he's done with her.
I've actually considered telling him to get his job to send him on temporary assignment to her city. Live with her and see how long that relationship lasts when you throw in bills and kids and exwives and exhusbands and he won't be able to help her pay her bills because all his money will be going to CS and to plane flights to bring his sons to visit him. Because not only will I not allow him to take my son I know BM sure as hell won't let him take SS. My son can visit DH 2 weeks a month but he's not keeping him. We'll see how he likes that. An affair isn't fun when you have to deal with reality.
He's definitely noticed the difference. He's told me he loves me more the last couple of days than he has the last few weeks. It's really f*cked up that I have to play these BS games with him.
- Gabriels Mom's blog
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Comments
Good for you GM!!!! I would
Good for you GM!!!! I would most DEFINITELY NOT put up with that shit either....you are either with ME ONLY or you HIT THE FUCKING ROAD. Period!!!
I am glad to hear that what you did is getting noticed and working but don't throw in the towel just yet....he needs to prove himself not just with words but most importantly with actions!!!
I'm not ready to give up on
I'm not ready to give up on my marriage. I just want him to think about the consequences of his actions. I KNOW he would never go to live with her (she's married anyway I'm sure her husband would have something to say about that) but I wanted to put that dose of reality in with his little fantasy. That's why sometimes we aren't happy when we get something we've been wanting for a long time because we don't know what it's really like to have (insert want here)
Exaaaactly! I totally forgot
Exaaaactly! I totally forgot about that movie. Maybe we'll watch it this weekend.
I don't think that he knows
I don't think that he knows it's an emotional affair but he knows it's wrong otherwise he wouldn't get so defensive.
I made an appt with a marriage counselor we'll see what happens.
Marriage counseling: When you need a professional to tell your spouse they are being an ass.
I appreciate everyone's
I appreciate everyone's feedback.
Y'all are so awesome!
That's how it all began with
That's how it all began with my ex. Notice I say EX. It started all 'innocently' with him talking to other women online, then calling, then texting, then meeting for "lunch" or "coffee". It isn't like I didn't do everything for him either. I cooked, cleaned, worked full time, was everything he wanted in bed, etc. I was the "perfect wife" according to him bragging to his friends and coworkers.
Well, what I didn't quite understand was that this man was a horrific liar. He told these women that he never got his sexual needs met, that I didn't cook or clean or work. He always played on their heartstrings, to get attention and sympathy. He had an ego the size of Texas and it had to be stroked 24/7.
Emotional affairs are worse than physical ones, in my opinion. Either way, he ended up going into the physical realm of things after a while. Once I caught him, I divorced him and that was the best decision I could've ever made in my life.
If your DH truly loved you, he'd never want to have any type of affair with anyone else. You'd be the one who met all his needs and he'd have nothing to do with other women at all, other than friendships and coworkers.
I wouldn't stand for this shit. You're better and deserve a man that wants you for you, 100%.
Thank you, I completely
Thank you, I completely understand. I guess that's why this hurts so much. I feel like I was blindsided. All he's ever told his friends and family and even me was how awesome we are together, how much he loves me, how easy it is to be married to me blah, blah, blah.
I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. I've never fought for anything in my life but I'm not going to let my family fall apart. We'll see how it goes. I'm sorry your ex was like that and I hope we can recover from this.
What he did is wrong. You
What he did is wrong. You have every right to be angry and demand he stop talking to her or get out. On the other hand, you might turn into the ex-wives we talk about here before even divorcing him...which is not good. He didn't cheat on your child, don't think about getting back at him through your child.
Perhaps you misunderstood
Perhaps you misunderstood what I meant. I would never prevent him from seeing our son. But I'm not going to move to another state so HE can be happy. That's why I said he can get our son for 2 weeks every month that's 50/50.
The idea is that an affair isn't fun anymore when you throw real life responsibilities into it.
Thank you =) He doesn't get
Thank you
He doesn't get it when I try to explain it. He says he never cheated on me before. I explained that an emotional affair is cheating. He says "Last time I let it go to far and that was my fault, I'm sorry that it happened and I ended it." Yes he did but now he's talking to her again 4 years later. How many times am I supposed to forgive him for this? I guess it really is going to take a trip to a marriage counselor to tell him he's wrong.