Crazy Ex-wife (warning: negativity)
So I have been with my bf for almost 2 yrs, I love him and he loves me. Typical, right? Well When we first started dateing he was going threw his divorce. His ex was dragging it out by NEVER showing up for court, or even signing the paper work. She didnt give her new address for the court so we always ended up getting her mail.
About 2 christmas ago, we drove down 3 seprate times with a court order to get his son (who at the time was 4). First time she said his paper work was phoney and that she was calling the cops. Well we called the cops and they showed up for us, since the paper work stated that the child was to be removed emidatly no matter what. She freaked out thinking they where here to arrest her. The officers had to calm her down, they even informed her that if she didnt they would arrest her. Well I dont know the laws on custody and extraction. But from what the judge said and the paper work said, it shouldnt have mattered that it was almost 12 am (we lived 3 hrs away, and he doesnt get off work until 7ish) the cops said they couldnt do anything and left. As we are getting into my car, she threatens to "sue" me, calls me a child molester and takes down my cars tags. I was shocked non the less. (All this happens over the 21-26 of december) The second try is the 23rd, he shows up after having a long convo with the police cheaf and he informes him that what happened was wrong and those involved would be held accountable for it. He wasnt worried about that, Until he got to his ex's house and she had been "tipped" off about him comeing to collect his son again. So she loaded him into his car seat and took off. She then called us (after we had driven 6 hrs there and back) saying the only reason she did that was because she wanted him for christmas!! WHAT?! Ok if you wanted him for xmas then you could have been an adult and called us and im sure it would have been worked out so you got him for part of it.
So after christmas she is informed she MUST bring him into our custody or be arrested. So we arrange to meet her half way between where we live. When we arrive he see's his ex's mothers car, they pull up and it turns out she didnt even bother to come with her son! Needless to say after that for the next 5 months we got phone calls at all times of the day. "I'm coming to pick my son up, he's been with you long enough" She thought that we only had him every other week. We had to keep reminding her that NO the paper work states until the court appoints any other custody that we are the sole custodians. In that time she used her "phone calls" to her son to dig info from him about me.
"Does she hit you? How much time do you spend with her? Well she's a bad person, she's trying to hurt mommy"
All these convo's I witnessed started to really hurt. I mean I had never said one bad word to her and always encouraged my bf to make sure she knew that her son was ok.
Well, when the divorace was finalized they determined, until he can go to school, that he is to be swapped every two weeks. Fine, I can do that, when that started the face to face bs started. I'm a short, rounder woman. Not anything like her. I have medium/short hair and many tattoos. NONE of which are skulls or scarry images. I've been called a gangster, a drug addict, I've even been threatened that she is bringing the police to arrest me for the next pick up/drop off.
Clearly the woman is crazy..right? I mean I worry that the two weeks he's down there she brain washes him, cause everytime he comes back he is stand offish with his mother around and it takes him 24-48 hrs to be alright with me again. Granted he is 5, but I'm just so heart broken that this is what she has decided. I have told her she is welcome to call me and if anything if her son wants to talk to her I will have him call her.
I just dont know what to do anymore. I'm digging threw legal work to see how it would be possible to limit her visitation to maybe every other weekend. He's 5 yrs old and he doesnt know how to count. Even though every two weeks we have him we work with him on a preschool work book. But i just feel so depressed because I feel Im failing at being the best (semi) step mom to him. I try everything...and now she says he is enrolled in preschool where she lives. Again I dont know much about the laws regaurding this type of stuff, but from what I do know, is that no school would be able to take him on and off every two weeks. They would miss half the years schooling.
-sigh- Just alot of this is really starting to sink in with both of us and now we dont even enjoy doing what we use to do. I mean even our sex life is gone. I know he worries about his son every time he is down with his mother, but the only thing that he can do is wait for a re-evaluation in the next couple months. Im left here holding my head in my hands saying "What do i do!?" Because I've tried everything I can think of!
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I feel so badly for you. I do
I feel so badly for you. I do think that maybe you are taking on too much. I know you want to help, but your bf has to really handle all of this, and until things are more "set," you have a long road ahead of you. This poor little boy is probably so confused, and you are doing all you can, but his mother will most likely continue to make this harder for you and your bf. Unless she changes, this may be the way she is for the rest of her life. Some people CAN and do change, but many do not. If you want to be with your bf, you have to prepare yourself for dealing with a crazy woman for a long time. You can probably learn to deal with her, but like I said, it may get a lot worse. If you had the little boy full-time, it may be easier, but for now, you have to wait for things to change, if they even can......You also need to prepare yourself for the fact that this child may become very nasty/difficult, because of all of the confusion. If you read some of the blogs, you will see horror stories of kids, teens and adult skids. It does NOT have to be a horror story, it can work out, but right now, you are in a stressful mess.
Your relationship is suffering now, and that is understandable, esp. since your bf is so worried about his son. Is this where you want to be? I know you do not want to give up, but you have to take care of yourself, and do what is best for YOU. There is not a whole lot you can control here, and your happiness matters, too.
hi hollywood! i don't think i
hi hollywood!
i don't think i can really help you with your legal issues. my suggestion is to document document document. do you have a lawyer? someone is going to become the primary physical custodian of the child when he starts school. no way round that one, unless one of the parents moves within 30 min of the other.
you are definitely dealing with crazy. we are both in that club but thank goodness the police haven't been involved. bm did call them but they won't do anything because it's a civil matter.
anyway, the child is the one who is really being harmed in this case. just be there for him and understand that he's a very confused boy. hopefully, he will realize that his mother is crazy and her claims are not true. also, make sure your bf is always sticking up for you.
it's great that you've made yourself available to bm but she clearly has no interest in developing a healthy relationship with you.
i suggest a book called "the smart-step family" by ron deal (it's a faith-based book) and one that a lot of smoms suggest on this site that is faith-neutral is "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin.
i hope that helps a little! i wish you the best and this is a great community to vent too.
Hi There, My husbands ex is
Hi There,
My husbands ex is the same way. When I met my husband my Stepdaughter was 4 years old and was living with his ex wife. After the course of Kinder, 1st,2nd and 3rd grade my stepdaughter missed 14+ days of school/tardy, because her mother didn't think school was "important" nor did her homework with her because of her misunderstood priorities. Anyway she kept threatening my husband demanding a ridiculous amount of money before she'd hand over my step daughter. Mind you the ex wife re-married and had a child by this time... oh yea and she left my husband for her 16 year old son's best friend (messed up huh?). Once we got married she got crazy!!!!! My husband finally decided to go to court to get my step daughter 100%. We had enough proof with school records (all the tardies/absences), domestic violence reports (from my stepdaughters new step dad). I eventually said enough is enough and called Child Protective Services on the ex wife and the situation she allowed my step daughter to be in. When CPS arrived she had my step daughter lie and they got away scot FREE!!! Still makes me upset to this day. WEll my husband went to court and the night before the court date, his ex wife got scared because she knew we had all kinds of evidence... and gave in to whatever my husband wanted. So now my step daughter goes to my daughter's school and lives with us 4 days a week and one full weekend a month. When my step daughter lived with her mom she never once attended any school funstion and thought of the extra activities as a waste of time. But somehow now that I'm involved in the school and she knows just because thats who I am, she is all into everything. She manipulates my step daughter's teachers into thinking i'm the Evil Step mom .. even to the point that when the teacher isn't around she is extremely nasty to me and says I can't see any of my stepdaughters school and then when the teacher is around she acts all nice nice with me even saying oh would you like to see her work?.. Total bull****! I can't stand her makes me so upst that her true colors aren't being exposed and I'm the one that looks like the evil one like i'm sticking my nose into something i shouldn't be. But i love my step daughter like my own and want her to excel and would love to see all her work and how she progresses.. I just hope in time she calms down ... oh and my husband just made the deicision to go back to court to get my daughter 100% with supersived visits with her mom because her mom emotionally abuses her, puts her in ice cold showers as punishment and pinches her during church which leaves marks on her arms. His ex wife also brainwashes my step daughter into saying I"m doing things I shouldn't. I hope in time My step daughter will come to realize the real truth about her mom and realize who really cares for her.