So my DH teased me in the past about if we divorced (we were watching some TV show - and we always do that "what if" to each other teasingly about random things). So, DH teased me that if we divorced or if I died, he would remarry and he would encourage the SkankHo,which I lovingly nicknamed any potential future hypothetical GF/wife in the event of our divorce or my demise...He said he would encourage SkankHo to snuggle my dog, refer to her as "Momma", give him cookies as rewards for cuddling in her lap watching shows, and would have dog sleep in bed with SkankHO and DH and that SkankHo would give our dog all his medications and would be at very vet appointment.

It went downhill real fast LMAO, AWWW HEEEEELL NAAW! Not MY BABY not MY PUPPY I keel you and your skankho I punch her in her ho face rrraaaawwwrrrrrrr.

In this, I found my inner BM.

I cannot, for my life, imagine sending my DOG to DH every other weekend or god forbid every other WEEK to live without me with DH must less, (palpitations here) much less to live a week at a time (hopefully just EOW..) with NEWWIFE awwwwww. Did she snuggle my puppy every cuddle, every "we bonded aw I lurv OUR puppy like mah own", I swear to God, I would end up bashing her face in to the concrete. NOT OUR PUPPY BIZNITCH MAH PUPPY you are NOT "momma skankHo"!!!! Raaawwrrr.

SO, in seeing how irate and irrational I became discussing a hypothetical, never to occur situation, I realized just how horrid it would be to BE a BM with a SM in the picture, especially one that tries so hard to be a part of things and to fit and to bond omg or one that tried to say "our child" or "love him like my own" or "calls me mommy skankho" GAG!! Punch,kick,rawr!

I am very attached to my dog, btw. Very protective and love him so much, more than I love most people actually, but I digress, now I am pregnant and I can only imagine if I felt that way about my dog, how it might feel about a biological child.

So, I am not making a bid to glorify BMs or anything of the sort, but for those BMs that are psychonuts, I have to say, I can sort of see why, even if the SM isn't intentionally doing anything wrong or is really trying.

I am a SM and not a BM. I am pregnant with an ours baby. As SM, I am raising SD since she was 3 with DH with no BM involvement. In the beginning, I tried to watch my steps so not to step on her toes and maintain appropriate boundaries, but my BM didn't come around and I even talked to her during the year she did visit some at my house, and she was totally cool with me being the mother figure, so what the hell, DH worked all day and I dealt with schools, medical, friends, everything parental. I encouraged BM to visit, but she didn't and didn't participate in anything (I invited her to a couple school concerts that she came to), but in the end, I was the "parent" and she was the visitor. I did what I had to do, but I still feel bad about it, like as much as I encouraged BM to visit and encouraged SD to love BM, I wonder if she would be around more if I wasn't here. We've never fought, she isn't a bad person, she has three other kids at home and doesn't call or visit but about once a year with SD.

SD wants me to adopt her, and I worry if that is the best interest of SD. (Her sister got adopted by grandparents is where she got the idea). BM agreed to SD being adopted by me (SD called her and asked her to sign paperwork), and SD is questioning my hesitance now at this point. It isn't that I don't want to adopt her, I just want to be 100% sure it is the right thing for SD.

1. I worry she thinks BM will come back around again if SHE is adopted, since when SDs older sister was adopted, BM started an email and text relationship with that girl and still doesn't call or facebook or email SD hardly ever - maybe back and forth for a day or two then disappears for the rest of the year.

2. I worry that if I adopt her, it will even further distance and damage any quasi-relationship she may have with BM. She went through a phase where she wanted BM so bad about 6 years ago in kindergarten/1st grade ish and it broke my heart that BM would keep her a few hours then drop her off due to random dramas or whatever. At the time, I thought filling the mother role was the best thing to do for SD but now I am wiser and I realize that I couldn't ever replace her BM, even if she has never lived with BM and has never spent more than one night with BM (she stayed the night a COUPLE times and BM dropped her off at 6am at my in-laws due to some random drama, saying she and SD slept in the van because she and her current BF were fighting) all sorts of crap. Even if I am the consistent, stable, nurturing parent between us, I will never be able to surpass BM because that's her BM even if she has literally never parented SD at all (BM called me when SD got sick and brought her home; the couple years she got SD a gift for Bday, BM called and asked me what SD liked since she hadn't seen or spoken to SD in about five months). I think it was a mistake having done that now too. But it is too late to change it now. I wouldn't change being "her mom" either at this point because it is too late, we already have the established dynamic, unless it was better for her, of course.

I have never said an ugly word about BM, though I have been mad at her a number of times for not even trying to visit or parent SD beyond a few visits at my house (which I invited her to come over and gave her groceries and fed her and her little kid lunch to come over). She isn't a bad person at all, she is rather nice. I just after seeing my response about my DOG, do not see how she is not all over trying to be with SD or parent at all. Easier for me of course, but SD is 13 and she lies and won't talk about issues, and I know the kid has issues. I don't know if it is true or not, but she told me she "cries herself to sleep every single night". I have never heard her crying. She said she cried all her life every night because BM doesn't love her and has no contact, but I got her a cell phone at age 9 so she could talk directly to BM and BM family, only stipulation was she was not allowed to call them after 8:30 pm, in the mornings before school etc, and that she could not call repeatedly over and over and over if no one answered or keep calling back "to say hi" after talking to them (she did this, and it was annoying as hell to the recipients). Otherwise, free access. She never calls them and they never call her, but at that point, I felt it was no longer necessary for me to call or track down BM (numbers changed a lot) to encourage her to visit, SD was old enough to answer the phone and to even call and BM had that cell number as well as my number, but no contact.

This ended up a long, convoluted blog. Sorry for anyone that actually read it. It was cathartic for me, however, to allow my thoughts to meander and let out just whatever came to mind.