I posted this in my personal blog but I don't have anyone there that reads it and I could really use some support.

Long story short, my mother is a vindictive, manipulative, abusive just all around evil woman. I left home when I was 16 (long story short remember). When I was 18 I attempted to reconcile with her. This lasted for about 3 months until she snapped again.

When I was 20 I tried again. This lasted a whopping MONTH before I was a “greedy ungrateful bitch” and she disappeared again.Last winter I get a call from the local sheriff that I need to come down the station because they have some questions for me. Completely unexpected NO idea what they wanted.
My mother had accused me of molesting my youngest half sister and apparently this all happened 8 years ago! And she was JUST now getting around to filing police reports. So I was investigated. I was devestated. I was sickened. I was TERRIFIED that somehow BM would find out about the investigation and take SD from SO. My mother had her friends come to the bar that I worked at and run their mouths loudly in front of everyone I knew, that I was a child molester, that I was crazy, that I was dangerous. Her friends actually "warned" SO to take his daughter and get away from me. The investigation found too many lies and strange things about my mother so I was not charged. I quit my job and hoped that she wouldn't find me again. Then then panic attacks started. She has spent the last 6+ years trying her damndest to ruin my life.

My mother only appears when she needs something. That was our relationship. I was her shoulder to cry on and her scapegoat when things weren’t going her way.

She is one of the many reasons I am in therapy.

Why am I writing about my mother now, 2 years after her latest disappearance?

Because now, 3 months before my 23rd birthday…she has come out of the woodwork again. She has slunk into my life like the sneaky little snake she is and she has attempted to infiltrate.

I am angry with myself because I didn’t run. I told myself if she ever showed up again I would run but I didn’t. I let her speak. I let her see me being weak and I am angry.

This woman put me and my 2 half sisters through YEARS of mental, emotional and physical abuse and she is so incredibly disturbed that she actually thinks that she can just walk up to me in a crowded bar and state, “Give your mother a hug”.

I am proud of myself after being angry however. I didn’t let her fully get to me. I didn’t sit down for a drink and ask her how her day was. I walked away (as I shamefully cried from the shock) and she left.

She didn’t leave before stating that my sisters hate her and her husband is dragging out her divorce but you know what? That is no longer my problem.

6 years ago…even 3 years ago I would have ran to her rescue and tried to make her take care of herself. Seeing her last night, she had lost so much weight, she was missing her top teeth and she had aquired an entire armful of tattoos. And she thought she was the coolest thing ever.
I saw her walk in and was so confused. I was like a movie, I did not expect to ever see her again.

And I was only at the bar as a weird twist of fate that decided the new girl needed my help with something so I walked down there to help her out.

But after seeing her tonight I realized that she needs to grow up. And she needs to leave me alone.

That’s all I’ve ever wanted from her is to be left alone.

Thank God SO was working the bar tonight and he made her leave when he did.

SO is taking me Monday and I am getting a restraining order on her once and for all. I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t.

And this is part of growing up and trying so hard to find my inner peace. I will never find peace if the threat of my mother and what she is capable of is always above my head, waiting for the right moment to come crashing down.

I'm crying again like an idiot because I'm so nervous about what I have to do tomorrow. Could really use some cyber support