What a terrible way to come to this realization .. over an iphone .. so sorry

I just read your previous blog and I wanted to literaly throw up. I go through this constantly but on my end I have a BS12 (that I'm trying to keep grounded) and SD12 (who has a BM and older brother who think they have to keep up with the Jones'). DH gets dragged in constantly. My BS12 has a standard talk and text phone. He's 12 that's all he needs. Hell the phone was for communicating with me because he was arriving home alone on the bus during the week. I pay the bill he gets what I say.
SD12 has had a smart phone since whe was 9 (can you believe that crap). Her brother bought it for her and he and BM asked is she could be put on our plan. Well hell to the no was my response. DH didn't speak to me for a week. It was ok though because I like quiet time! I'm not paying for that crap. She has an IPOD classic and some sort of reader that she can't even use because she and BM don't have wifi or internet at home but lord forbid if they miss their hair appointments or BM doesn't get her nails done. Just nuts. I refuse to pay for this crap.

Recently my job sold some refurbished laptops for $50. I got BS12 one and DH got SD12 one. IT left a version of excel and word on them and they are wifi capable. THey are pefect for them to do school work. Well of course DH doesn't think this is good enough. He want's to purchase an updated version of office so she'll have it on her computer. Oh did I mention I had to use my last application of the McAfee internet security through att for her. She doesn't live with us. Ok dude, she has NO INTERNET at home. There is no printer. Why do you want to spend all of this cash for nothing. Just to say you did it. Let BM take care of something. . . My GOD! I'm sure after this weekend he's not going to be speaking with me but that's his problem. I'm no sucker and as someone else said on this site "I don't do crazy"! Sorry to vent on your blog but I just couldn't help it. Your previous post touched a nerve

My DH and I had the same spat over getting SD14 an Iphone. I was oposed to it due to the extra expense and the fact that I didn't feel that a 14 year old needs unmonitored access to the internet and got knows what else. DH of course trumped me, and since our cell phone plan is in my name, I had to go to Verizon with my tail between my legs and get precious SD her IPhone.

Now here is the best part.... DH told her that she would have to pay the $50.00 that it would cost for her data plan and insurance... well ONE month after she got it, she told DH she didn't want it. Then DH wants me to try and get her out of it. I said no. DH got pissy, but whatever, once that phone went on MY plan, I had the control for once. And here is the very BEST part.... SD ran back to BMs 2 weeks ago and hopefully won't ever be living with us again. I can only suspend her line for 3 months. DH is lucky in that the contract on my line is up in December, so I can just switch mine to hers or we would be paying for that smart phone line for a year and 1/2 because he wouldn't listen and just had to let precious SD tell him how things were going to be.

So freaking frustrating!

and an 11 year old???? With internet access on her phone? Is your DH nutso?

Don't worry about the grammar you are pissed right now I have felt the same way. My husband is very passive agressive and SD12 has learned this from him. They are 2 peas in a pod. I had to get over being angry with him when he did this. I will say that since I have disengaged we haven't had any of this crap in while. I'm just realizing this today for a fact. Since I stopped even having an opinion on what he and BM do for THEIR KID my life is a lot happier. He knows that I don't care anymore. I had to come to this realization. . . I was either going to divorce him or find a way to deal and disengaging is how I deal. I love it. The freedom you feel when THEIR issues are no longer your issues. BM no longer calls me SD no longer calls me. I worry about BS12 and I take care of my husband that's it. I owe BM and SD nothing at all.

Don't cry, don't let it get you down. You have to show him that you have a life and it goes on with or without him. When I say I know how you feel trust me. I have gone a full week almost two with DH being so mad he could not open his mouth to me. And it was over stupid crap that had to deal with BM and SD and me actually having an opinion. When I stopped giving a crap he noticed and he knew he had created the situation.

Give yourself a break and carry on. It hurts but you've got to disengage.

I know the not speaking sucks. My exH and I used to do that, once we went 2 MONTHS without speaking!! Lived in the same house, it was miserable. One reason he is an EX now!!

Sometimes you just got to look at life and say you know what I'M not happy anymore, life is too short and "I" am important!! Just as if not more important than the SD!!

Tell him you want to separate all finances and he covers 50/50 if he chooses to buy her a phone. Can we say idiot to give an 11 year old wifi access. Predators love these dads.

Seriously, you are financially stable, why would you combine finances. Best thing I did with DH was not combining anything except one savings account and a credit card that is for groceries or household items...We split everything. No one pays any more than the other....Doesn't matter that he makes more or I get more bonuses. My money is mine and his is his....

I would seriously consider it if he feels he can afford to give her a phone...