Same Fight, Different Day
DH and I got into a fight last night AGAIN over SS15 living with us (SS15 wasn't there of course, sleeping at ILs). DH tells me he told SS15 he had to go home at the end of summer, but SS15 got mad and called grandparents and ILs are mad at DH, so he tells me "I couldn't even tell them a good reason why he had to go home, I feel guilty now, I don't know what I should do"....REALLY DH???? So does that mean now he is or isn't staying? I think I might seriously move out if he stays, but I said to DH...ok if he is staying, tell me your plan????
He is YOUR responsibility (not mine, I'm not financially supporting him), so how are you going to buy him all new school clothes (since BM said if he lives here he can't go get any of his clothes at her house, seriously WTF?)? And he needs EVERYTHING, he doesn't have a single pair of long pants up here or long sleeve shirts. So we are talking an entire new wardrobe here.
How are you going to keep groceries stocked in the house for your pig of son?
When SS15 got here he has been sleeping in DS10's bed and DS10 has been sleeping on an air mattress...that can't be permenant, so are you going to buy a new bed for their room?
DH is in school for another year and will be in classes all day and working 4 to 9 every night plus the weekend...so, who is going to be home with SS15 making sure he does his homework and is not getting in trouble???
Are you going to make him finally follow our house rules if he stays?
Are you going to take BM to court and get child support since she told you over and over again that if SS lives with us she isn't paying any child support?
Come on DH answer these questions. If you want SS15 to stay, TELL ME YOUR PLAN??? I want to know.
Of course he said there was no plan, and he doesn't know how it will work, but he feels guilty sending him home. Yeah, good answer jerk!
- BaseballMom42's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
And I would just like to add
And I would just like to add that DH doesn't have the financial means to support his son right now, I pay all the bills in our house while DH is in school. He does work when he is not at school, but that is just enough for his own bills (his car payment, insurance, cell phone, consolidation loan, gas, etc.). He doesn't really contribute to the household much. Just gives me just a little money toward rent. I pay the rest. I pay the heat, electric, cable, buy the food for the house, buy anything else we need for the house (anything from laundry soap to light bulbs). I don't mind because it is only temporary until DH graduates next year. But that doesn't mean I will support his son too, especially without any child support from BM. I get CS from my ex, so it is only fair. I WILL NOT financially support his spoiled brat of a child. IF he wants him to live here he needs to design a plan on how that will work.
so right there should be his
so right there should be his answer to his parents as to why SS can't live with you. I can't believe he actually said that he feels like he has "no reason" to tell SS he can't live with you given all of what you just said??
DH has no spine when it comes
DH has no spine when it comes to his son or parents. He lets them control everything. He won't stand up to them and tell him as his parent what he thinks is best.
Then why do they stand up to
Then why do they stand up to us?
Yeah I know! I was saying
Yeah I know! I was saying that exact same thing last night. I was said to DH you are so worried about everyone else's feelings and not stepping on their toes, but I AM YOUR WIFE! You don't seem to care about my feelings or what I think. And I am the one you will have to LIVE WITH the rest of your life, not anyone else.
DaizyDuke is right - if your
DaizyDuke is right - if your dh can't be home supervising HIS kid, the kid has NO business living in your home. I made THAT mistake years ago and ended up with 110% responsibility for a FREAK (ss then 14) over whom dh and bm made sure I had ZERO authority or control - the WORST possible position to put yourself into.
Please don't give up your life as you know it by letting him move in!!!
Yeah, that is how I feel.
Yeah, that is how I feel. With DH working evenings he will NEVER be around after school to parent his child. That is WAY too much free time for a 15-year-old. He needs to be some place where the parents are around to make sure he does his homework and doesn't get into trouble. I am also worried about last year BM called and said she found SS (14 at the time) smoking pot! So if he is here and alone all the time (I don't get home from work until 5:30, my son goes to after school program) he will be alone at house for 3 hours each evening....PLUS once I get home I am only usually there for 1/2 an hour before I need to bring DS10 to something (either baseball, soccer, tae kwondo) so that is another couple hours alone. Way too much alone time to get into trouble. And SS15 doesn't want to get involved in anything, we've tried. So he needs to be with mom in her big home where he has his own room and she is home when he gets out of school to make sure he isn't getting into anything he shouldn't and doing his homework.
Word of advice from someone
Word of advice from someone who is paying and supporting the steps, DO NOT let this happen. Even if DH comes up with "the plan" it will start out with little things here and there and then in the end you are doing and paying for EVERYTHING and the ILs and BM and DH will all just expect everything from you. My resident SD11 we supposed to be SOs responsibilty, and it maybe started that way the first month if that. Now Dr. appt, school supplies, getting clothes, discipline, helping with homework, watching her... Its all expected that I will take care of it. Refusing doing anything for her turns into WW3. I wish I had stopped it before it started. I wish I had never even let them move in with me.
I am trying everything in my
I am trying everything in my power not to let this happnen. I really think it will end our marriage if it does. And since DH is never going to be around I am NOT going to raise his son.
That is what I said! They
That is what I said! They have the room for him. They want him here so bad, trying to buy his love and spoil him and buy him whatever he wants so he wants to stay, so I said to DH he should just live there. But don't think that is going to happen.
I sure am trying, but I know
I sure am trying, but I know I am the one that is the "bad guy" and I am sure all the ILs probably hate me and are blaming this all on me if he goes back.
Dh and BM are idiots in that
Dh and BM are idiots in that aspect. They have been divorced for 8 years, separated for 10, and never got a formal custody or child support agreement. I even looked over their divorce decree and it says nothing in it besides this marriage resulted in one child and that is it. So neither of them filed. DH always just sent BM whatever money she asked for AND when she moved two states away, he let her go, didn't try to stop her then, but he was the one always responsible for the visitation. He was always the one to make the trip to visit his son or pick him up to come here on vacations and summer.
So I don't know why he won't file now. If he is just too lazy? Doesn't want to go through the hassle? Maybe he feels like he owes it to BM since she never files and he just sent her whatever she asked? I don't know, but it is so stupid, and pisses me off.
Very true, my life would just
Very true, my life would just be horrible if SS lived there and I don't deserve that. I have worked hard to where I am today, and I am not going to let a bratting 15-year-old ruin it! Thanks for the pep talk, lol