SD25 Getting Married
Good Gawd....just shoot me now. The wedding is early October, and they got engaged last New Year's Eve. This emotionally immature, spoiled, self-absorbed, entitled brat has talked of nothing else sense getting engaged.
She & her sister (SD15) treated DH & I like shit when he & I got married (which is precisely why he & I eloped because we didn't want them or their mother ruining our day). Yet, we're supposed to be all giddy about her impending wedding? Don't think so.
Yesterday DH became my official hero! He had a long conversation with OSD, telling her that he & I are really struggling about her wedding. We want to feel happy for her, but it's difficult after she treated us so badly when we got married. He told her that we had exactly 48 hours of wedded bliss before she and her sister shit all over us. And that, just like she feels now, we had been SO excited about our life together, the future, etc. But, no, she and her sister had made sure we didn't get to feel happy once they got word that we'd been married.
He told her that we will be there at her wedding, and do our best to support her on her day, but that she needs to understand that there will be NO pictures that include both him and her mother. She needs to instruct the photographer to take BM's side of the family photos and DH's side of the family photos.
She started crying & whining about how she wished he'd reconsider because she just REALLY wants a wedding day photo of her with BOTH of her parents.
He said, "Are you kidding me? After all the hideous shit your mother has said to me and done to me? No. Absolutely not. This is a boundary that I'm setting with you right here & now and you need to respect it. I have done for you and your sister all your lives, and put my own happiness on the back burner more times than you can possibly imagine. But this is not up for discussion. There will be NO photos that include both your mother and me. And to make sure that happens, I will speak to the photograph myself when I arrive that day. Do you understand?"
Then she wanted to start whining about how she needed help with things getting ready for the wedding (she didn't say what precisely), and was I going to help her or what.
WTF????
He told her that I'd offered to help her on more than one occasion over these past months, and she has rebuffed me every time. So, I've stopped offering any help. And that if she wants me to help her, she needs to come and apologize TO MY FACE for the way she treated both he & I when we married and how she's treated me since.
She said, "But....doesn't time heal everything?"
WTF?????
He said, "Time HELPS heal things, but without a sincere apology, time is merely a band-aid on a cancerous tumor. You created this wound, and you need to be the one to heal it. And the place you need to start is with me. You owe me an apology as well."
He is officially my hero!!!!!!!!!
She apologized to him on the spot. He said she was crying and all pitiful, most likely hoping her dadddyyyyyy would stop being so mean to her.
The started whining about how her wedding was going to be the most dysfunctional event ever held; that the groom's own mother might not even attend; and no one wants to be in pictures with her mother (well, duh); etc., etc. And she just wished everyone could put aside their issues for 4 hours, so she could just enjoy "her" day.
He told her that she had her priorities all screwed up. It isn't about the ceremony, it's about the marriage and until she started to understand that, she was probably going to make all the same mistakes he had made in his marriage to her mother.
Hero. Love him.
Meanwhile, his spawn do not have enough of his DNA in them to make them remotely nice people to be around.
You see how she kept circling back to trying to get her way about the photos? She is just as manipulative as her mother....which is why he knows he'll have to tell the photographer how it's going to be...because his daughter never will. She'll try to just work it so that she gets what she wants.
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Mine too! And wtf is wrong
Mine too!
And wtf is wrong with all these skids that thng time is a miracle worker. You know what I tell people about time? It heals NOTHING. It merely gives us a chance to re-define normal. You re-defined yours to not include catering to their sorry asses.
This is fantastic!! Oh, and
This is fantastic!!
Oh, and I want to add that we eloped but got s*** from all angles after, including SILs and my sister. Sucked. But at least I married my soul mate.
Good goin', DH! Thank God,
Good goin', DH!
Thank God, SD21 eloped. Of course, her and BM then tried to keep it a secret so we wouldn't know to stop child support but.....
You're right. Much as I f'n
You're right. Much as I f'n hate BM this day will come for me too SD RUINED my wedding day. Tempting as it is to do the same I will rise above it. It's always good to have the upper hand (not necessarily the most virtuous justification but works for me x
Cheers & Congrats. Your DH is
Cheers & Congrats. Your DH is a gem.
Ha! We have offered her loads
Ha! We have offered her loads of cash to elope & she won't consider it.
And I forgot this part: when she was whining about what a dysfunctional event it was going to be, DH warned her that her mother was not able to just let OSD have "her" day...that her mother always makes every day about HER.
LOVE it!!!
I believe I need to properly reward DH for becoming such a shining example of manhood. I'm thinking tonight is gonna get hot!!
What a man! I love him in a
What a man! I love him in a purely non contact/ platonic/ would have no idea who he was if I ran over him... way. As long as he stands his ground she MAY just start to see what a real life is like.
Most girls want to princess DAY. But it isn't all about them. It is about 2 people becoming a couple. If she wants to have HER days she needs to win Miss USA or something. Then it is only about her and no one else.
Awesome husband!!!!
Awesome husband!!!!
Is it just me, or does anyone
Is it just me, or does anyone else feel sorry for the poor sap who's going to marry, and supposedly spend the rest of his life, with this obviously selfish, entitled, self-absorbed girl?
It scares me to death when a girl starts planning her "big day" as if she's Princess Di. Can I have the grooms email address and scare him away from this peach?
It's great that your DH has setup boundary rules, but if I know women like her, and I do, she'll toe the boundary lines and find a weak point to get what she wants.
Good luck, I hope the proceedings are not too painful for you...
The reasons DH is not giving
The reasons DH is not giving in to the photo include:
1. She can get plenty of pictures of her with both her bio parents from the photos of the girls growing up....that BM took, leaving none for DH. He has not one single picture of either of his girls during their childhood....bitch took them all.
2. If he caves on the photo, then he's moving his boundary. He's still trying to recover from 30 years with this hideous, vile bitch and not being able to have any boundaries. Now that he's able to have them for himself, he guards them vigilantly. And he's trying to help both his daughters learn that they have to respect people's boundaries (unlike their POS mother, who respects nothing of anyone's).
3. He's trying to help her see that it truly is NOT about the day or the ceremony, but about the relationship...the marriage.
I fully support him in all of it. If he gives in to the entitled, selfish daughters, where does that shit stop? It doesn't!
And OMG, IrateSD75! You totally called it! I feel so sorry for this poor sap OSD is marrying! He's signing on for a lifetime of what my DH went through...never getting to have any say in anything, or there's hell to pay. He's a nice guy, but has no balls, cuz OSD cut them off long ago and keeps them in her purse. Poor guy. He'll probably wise up years from now, wondering what the hell happened and how to get out of a lifeless, miserable marriage.
Thank you all who admire my DH. He & I have been through lots of therapy to work thru the b.s., and he has grown so much. When I met him he didn't even know what a boundary was, much less that he was allowed to have them!
Don't get me wrong....our lives aren't perfect. YSD15 is a piece of work, just like her POS mother. But we are happy and are so good together, and he knows it and protects it with all his might. He says he's waited a lifetime to find this kind of happiness and he's not letting anyone fuck it up now!
Yes you can! He would be so
Yes you can! He would be so happy to get all the positive feedback. He's worked his ass off to get where he is. Trust me this has NOT been easy and we've had soooo many sessions with our therapist asking DH "We've been through this before! What part of it did you not understand????" It's been a labor of love helping him get where he is, with me being his cheering section.
What it took was him finally seeing just how awful his daughters have been treating both him and me, and him realizing that he was sick & tired of taking their shit. He finally realized that they were treating him just like they'd seen their mother treat him and he said he wasn't going to keep recreating that nightmare with anyone else.
He literally has told both his daughters that if they want to have a relationship with him, they need to start acting like someone he would want to have a relationship with vs. people he would walk away from if they treated him the way the girls have treated him. He's had to tell them many times, because they didn't believe him at first. I'm not even sure they fully believe him yet because they are always pushing the boundaries he sets.
And, of course, it's ALL my fault! I'm the evil bitch that's made him be this way. After all, everything was just fine until I came along.
Well, they're right. I helped him find his balls and get them back....so yes, it's all my fault....and I'm okay with that.
I feel ya!
I feel ya!
NO ONE NEEDS TO SUCK IT
NO ONE NEEDS TO SUCK IT UP...
If DH does NOT want to be in a photo with his ex-wife...then that is HIS right.
Too bad for SD in this case.
This wedding is about a marriage that is supposed to last a lifetime. Let her learn from the past what makes and doesn't make for a good marriage.
The wedding is ONE...STUPID...DAY...the marriage is for life.
I DO NOT have a picture with my mom and dad on my wedding day...in fact...I BARELY caught my dad running out after the ceremony and got two shots with him. He did NOT want to be around my mom and I held nothign against him for that. he didn;t even attend the reception...and he did NOT attend my sister's wedding at all. NO BIG DEAL.
Parent's wishes need to be respected. You do what you can for your kids...but shit happens...
My DH's ex is a tool...we wouldn't be in a pictures with her either...I can relate.
GOOD for your DH.
Risingaboveit. You rock. I am
Risingaboveit. You rock. I am careful who's advice I take. You have the t shirt - advise away!!
Thank you!!!! I couldn't
Thank you!!!! I couldn't agree more. Posters who are saying my DH needs to suck it up are just....well....misguided. I won't say "wrong", b/c maybe in their world that would work for all parties. In the world we live in, not at all.
My DH has set a boundary that is important to him. His self-absorbed, entitled, spoiled ADULT daughter needs to get over herself. She's the one who is choosing to try to force everyone to "get along" for the duration of her extravaganza wedding that has nothing to do with anything other than she wants to be the center of attention for the day.
So BE the center of attention, but that does NOT mean you are entitled to make your father do something that is completely against his wishes. He's already showing up (against his wishes), he's already dressing in a monkey suit (against his wishes), giving you cash toward the wedding (against his wishes), forcing himself to be in the same building as his bat-shit-crazy ex (against his wishes). If he doesn't want to be pretend that all is well for a stupid photo, that is his right.
imthewife, you said it best: parents' wishes need to be respected. That's what's wrong with so many of our situations! These skids are calling the shots. Hell to the no! The adults are the ones who are supposed to be the foundation of the home; the marriage is the primary foundational relationship in a home and all else flows from there.