Is it worth it?
So, I hate my job. I make good money and am an exec at a profitable firm, but.. as I said I hate it. We could live off of FDH salary IF the following things happened:
He gives up all his equity in the house he had with the Ex. He still makes the mtg payment (stupid ass) and she refuses to sell it unless she gets 100% of the proceeds. All this is ok per the decree.
And we agreed to 50/50 custody which would alleviate child support.
So - it is worth it? Cons: His crazy ex would live in same town as us (she's about 40 minutes away now) and I would have 50% time with his kid. Disposable income would decrease and we would not get to travel as much 
Pros: I could get out of the rat race, (I have worked FT since the day I left college) I would be available to do stuff with my kids and could enjoy my life for once without having to rush around all the freaking time.
I know this may sound incredibly selfish but I was very sick for the past 2 years and worked full time through it all. I had to have 6 surgeries during that time and only took off for the recovery time. For one surgery, I worked the morning of the procedure and checked emails from the recovery room. I am simply worn out. I just dont know if the trade offs with the Princess and her crazy ass mother are worth it.
Thoughts?
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If you can make all the aboce
If you can make all the aboce happen and you are willing to let go of things like extras and travel then go for it,.,,,,,,your not selfish,
Working through an illness is tough, I had cancer last year and had to have treatments and surgey and worked through all of it, I even ewnt back to work 2 months early after my last surgery and im so tired all the time, I would give anything to be in your situation and be able to quit my job, Id be a better parent and more time with kids is always better
Another thing to
Another thing to consider:
50/50 is no guarantee of decrease in CS. There have even been a few oddball cases where it increased the CS paid. That's pretty much determined by CS guidelines in your state.
If you have children, are they your husband's children? If they are not, how will you contribute to your's children's expenses?
I feel tired for you. You poor thing. You must be exhausted. You might consider an extended vacation or even a sabbatical rather completely quitting. You could very well find yourself "trapped" into spending your time caring for skids you can't stand because you lost your leverage.
Thanks for all the replies. I
Thanks for all the replies. I will try to adress all the questions:
I dont really want 50/50 custody but would consider it if I could stay home with my kids. I have 3 kids of my own a nd he has the 1 - non together. I am 42, too old to have more, especially since I started at 25! I am done with diapers. I do receive child support from their dad - not much though, only about 2100/month.
The surgeries and illness were so hard on everyone, the last one was in April of this year. I might have to have one more but it is optional and I dont have to decide until December. (Such a long story...)
Crazy BM is ok with 50/50, it is hard to find another meal ticket when she has primary custody. We would hate for her to work, you know, every day. There is enough equity in their old house to buy a new one outright and have $$ left over. I used to care about the money and the principle of getting his share out of the sale, not so much anymore. She also knows this is only going to happen if she walks away from CS. If she wont, the deal is off. He has talked to her and she is aware.
As for the sabbatical idea - heres a little more detail. I was laid off at the end of May and started this new job on July 2. I was able to land quickly due to what I do and good connections. So, I had a couple weeks off with my kids and it was so amazing. We had such a good time together and they have all three been asking me to be home with them again. I even have 2 teenagers that still love their mom - yay me! I got a taste of what being home would be like and now I want it back.
FDH is traveling on business this week and we are going to Napa this weekend, I may hit him up with this idea when we are half drunk and naked. I look better naked when he is half drunk!
Idk hon, I just don't feel
Idk hon, I just don't feel right about your husband having to start footing the bill for your kids. That 2100/month can be stretched a lonnnnng way but if you don't think that is very much income, it's probably going to be a world of budgeting hurt for you and your children.
It's hard to shake the mindset of he who has the gold makes the rules. Maybe your fiancee is fine with taking on the costs of your kids, if he's agreeable then its fine.
One more thing to consider, if this has been already said, there sure seem to be a lot of BM's on here who rather throw in the towel once SM is enconsced in the father's home. If you are going to be SAH, don't be surprised if suddenly BM escalates against you while at the same time sending the skids over more. As in more than 50/50.
I don't know, it just seems like you got a fantasy taste of a greener pasture and I sure would hate for you to stop your career now, have a terrible time ever getting it restarted, and only to discover the greener pasture is even more stressful and you have no way to get away from it or out of it.
If you think 2100 isn't much
If you think 2100 isn't much money then my guess is you could afford to not work without even doing 50/50 custody. It would just mean adjusting your spending and changing your view eg what you see as a lot of/not much money.
You wouldn't be impressed if you were our bm, she gets £120 a month cs.
If I were you I'd attempt the part time option. I dropped my working week down to 4 days as I was struggling with 5 plus studying all weekend. I doubt I could ever not work as I couldn't handle not having my financial independance.
And we agreed to 50/50
And we agreed to 50/50 custody which would alleviate child support
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
NOT WORTH IT!! I, Myself, would have gladly paid CS if SS would have lived with BM. It is not worth it to have them in your house, unless they are really great kids and you don’t’ think they are crazy skids.
I would pay double if I could
I would pay double if I could get rid of 50/50!
I did not mean to offend
I did not mean to offend anyone with my choice of words - sorry. My Ex husband is an executive at a large corporation so the $2100 is pocket change to him. He doesnt pay for anything extra - my kids even take the clothes I buy to his house. He is a complete and total tool. FDH loves my kids like his own and doesnt mind picking up their dad's financial slack.
I joke at times that my DS16 eats my entire CS each month just in groceries! He is already 6'2 and can eat anything without getting fat - I miss having a metabolism like that. He justs gets taller instead of wider.
FDH is hesitant for me to stop working but understands completely why. He has asked me to wait until the first of the year to see what happens with Crazy BM (I love that the abbreviation for bio mom is the same as bowel movement)and her selling their swank house on the other side of town.
Thanks for all the replies, I think I am just in a bad mood today and am blaming my stupid job for it.
One bright side - FDH traveling = no PPIA visit this week!