It's been awhile. A little update and a question-
So, it has been 6 months since DH got full custody of SD. BM still has supervised visits and it doesn't look like this will change anytime soon. BM still isn't working and isn't paying childsupport-nothing new. SD is doing really well here with us. SD's mood swings are gone and she looks healthier. A couple weeks ago DH had to take BM's number out of SD's phone to block contact because BM was saying inappropriate things. Then, a week after DH put her number back in the phone, SD was on the phone with BM and started bawling when she hung up. SD10 told me that BM said she was going to kill herself because SD and her other two children didn't want to speak to BM. DH removed the number again for two weeks and told BM that if he had to remove the number again, he would not put it back in-ever. Other than BM causing problems for SD, everything is fine so far. If BM would just go away, everyone would be happier in the long run.
Now my question-Does any of your step children have unsual relationships with extended family of BM?
SD10's grandparents and aunt on BM's side seem to think SD will writher and away and die if they don't call or see her. Last week, SD's grandparents on BM's side went to Hawaii for a week or so and they acted like SD would DIE if she found out. They kept it a secret until two days before and even went as far as coming here to pick up SD for the whole day to spend time together before they went on their trip. They acted like SD would be upset, but she wasn't when they told her. Now, the aunt seems to have an unusual relationship with SD as well. Always texting her to say she loves her and misses her, almost seems to be trying to replace BM in a way.
The grandparents are always calling DH to see if SD needs anything or something. The grandparents act like they are the parents of SD and it is really starting to bother us. I know that they are close and thats great, but when it starts to get strange something needs to change. SD is just here with DH and I and I don't understand why they think SD is going to croak if they don't call or see her every weekend. Honestly, SD doesn't seem to miss any of her family on BM's side.
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Perhaps they are worried
Perhaps they are worried about being forgotten. You did say she doesn't seem to miss them. With BM only having supervised visits, I'm guessing the extended family hasn't had the access they had when she was with BM...?
Personally, I feel it's important to maintain healthy relationships with extended family if it can remain healthy. That said, the dramatics they bring are uneccessary & should be addressed.
As far as the aunt texting, if she isn't texting inappropriate or disparaging things I don't think it's bad. It may be that SD does see her as some sort of mother-figure because she's connected to her mom. SD may find some security in that relationship.
For a long time BM wouldn't
For a long time BM wouldn't her kids see the grandparents so when DH got custody, SD sees now sees them every other weekend. To DH and I, the closeness the grandparents have with SD seems unusual. I agree with you about the aunt.
This was not your question,
This was not your question, but I feel I need to comment on the first part of your post. It seems pretty obvious that it is in the best interest of the child for her only contact with bm to be when she is with her during the supervised visitations - that is what they are in place for. If i were in your shoes, I would absolutely not allow any contact outside of those supervised visits. Furthermore, Dh and I would have no contact with bm whatsoever - we would drop off sd at the visitation site, and then pick her up. We would also be documenting this like crazy - every conversation sd has had with bm would be on speaker phone, in front of us, and would have been recorded if that is legal in your state. Sd would also be in counseling once a week with a very good child psychologist - who would also be documenting all of this. You need to protect your (step)children. F that psycho bitch that is hurting them.
I don't think SD needs a cell
I don't think SD needs a cell phone anymore. It was originally given to her so she could speak to DH because BM wouldnt allow SD access to a phone. Now that SD is with DH, I don't think she needs a phone. I don't think SD should be speaking with her mother outside of the visits, but this is not my choice. I have explained to DH that this is why they have supervised visits because of the bullshit BM says. SD has been in therapy
It took us a whil to finally get it because of $. But we made it happen 
DH has been documenting things and forwarding SD's texts.
Perhaps if your attorney
Perhaps if your attorney spoke to dh?
BM's family is probably
BM's family is probably grieving a loss of what they hoped their relationship with SD would be. I don't think they're being weird. My brother died 6 years ago. My parents are very needy when it comes to my neice. They want to see her. THey want to have a relationship with her. Basically, they want what they expected when my brother had a child. His being gone doesn't change there dreams for being grandparents, kwim? As long as they arent upsetting her or making her feel guilty or bad, I would let this go.