In the last 18 months I graduated from university, got married, got an AMAZING job that pays ridiculously well and gained a daughter. Things so far have been great because SD lives with BM in another country, we get SD for holidays or when BM wasnts a break. my husband commutes frequently between our home country and SA where we live because his businesses are in our home country, as are both our families. However wqeboth own property here in SA, anyway I digress. Recently because of my new job offer we have had to rethink our living arrangements as this is not an opportunity I am willing to give up and DH supports my career.

We have decided to leave and both go overseas so I can pursue my career with my husband commuting monthly back to our home country to take care of business. BM was NOT happy to hear about this, as she wwas planning to move down to SA, where there are better schools as SD is starting school soon. She has told DH not to move and that if he goes through with the move she will go after my income in CS. Right now DH gives her a generous lump sum every year.

I got wind of this today and consulted a friend of mine who is an attorney. She said depending on which country she decides to do this in, she is entitled to up to 50% of our household income, so that means half of what I earn goes to his stupid one night stand! This woman has made my life hell while I dated DH. DH got BM pregnant a month before we started dating, when BM found out about me she lost the script and I broke up with DH until he explained the situation. It took a year and a half for me to consider dating him again.

Now comes the interesting part, after I starting dating DH again, BM warned me to leave her man alone and I told him. He said to ignore her, so BM files a lawsuit against me for adultery and breaking up her marriage. I was in university at the time and dependent on my parents so you can imagine their shock that their daughter was dating a married man (DH and I were in a long distance relationship at the time and I only saw him over my vacations). DH was fuming and called BM to explain to which she said "DH we are married". Now BM and DH were never married, legally or customarily. However in our culture if a man gets a woman pregnant out of wedlock, he must pay "damages'" to her parents which DH did. The problem with this custom is it can be misconstrued, because one can claim this was "lobola" - a brideprice which constitutes a marriage under customary law. So the fact that DH had paid this money was used by BM to argue that DH was her husband. When my parents questioned me I explained to them that even if they were customarily married I had never slept with DH so therefore I was not guilty of adultery (I only slept with DH after we got married, my parent's condition for paying my university fees and expenses for the duration of my degree). My parents arranged a meeting with DH's family and BM's family to sort this out. The truth came out there because BM's family confirmed that there was no marriage between BM and DH and the money was given as "damages" and not the brideprice. The lawsuit was dropped and BM's family apologised to my family.

Since then BM has been petty but relatively well behaved, but this is just vindictive and mean! I have never done anything to this woman. I even broke up with DH when i found out he had gotten her pregnant and didn't take him back until later.

Sorry this is so long but I don't know what to do!