Ok, I typed up a letter yesterday stating I am no longer responsible for my stepson. Quite frankly, I told both my SO (60) and my SS (almost 13) that I am sitting on my ass and not lifting a finger for him. Period. I will still cook for the general household, and clean where I need to. I will no longer clean this kid's messes, or cook for him specifically.

I made 2 copies of said note, and posted one on the fridge (which my SO read), and agreed with. Lately, I have been crying for hours, and I mean literal hours, in the shower. I'll get in and cry until the hot water runs out. And then when the tank is completely depleted of its nice warmth, I'll get out and wait for it to fill up and repeat process. My SO has taken notice amazingly. He asked if I was leaving, and I said I'm seriously concidering it. Others have told me to leave, take my animals and re home them since I've caught this kid smacking my 90 pound mutt, who is the biggest baby in the world considering hes been abused before. A dog his size, I wont blame him for biting this kid. My last dog who was mixed with cocker spaniel, had defended himself and snapped frequently at this kid. He had finally gotten him in the ankle one day, and my SS comes up to me and tells me Bubba bit him. Well, too damned bad. You shouldnt have been roughing with him. He was an old man when I brought him here and only lasted a few months due to health problems. He was never fond of kids poking and smacking him, and he was the definition of momma's boy.

Now the dog I currently have is 2 yrs old, and the biggest baby you'll ever meet. He is smacked and kicked at with basketballs and soccer balls, and sometimes my SS throws softballs (which are painful!) at this dog, calling it 'playing' with him. I have also caught this kid grabbing my 3 yr old cat by the tail and dragging her, as well as swinging her back and forth walking up the stairs. He has also grabbed her by the EARS and picked her up. This kid is almost 13 years old. This behavior is of a 4 yr old, if that.

As of yesterday, my SS is no longer allowed to touch my animals. He is not to be alone with them in a closed room. Should I catch him with them, he will be smacked, and made to do something of my choice (most likely picking up doggie doodoo with his bare hands), and then grounded for 3 weeks.

His games were blocked by me at my SO's request the other day. This kid comes home and sits at my kitchen table (mind you I'm trying to re clean my kitchen after moving several large pieces of furniture around) and doodles with a sharpie on notebook paper. When I tell him either get thicker paper, give me the sharpie or do that on a table that is not being eaten on, he continues to throw the sharpie at me, ball the paper up and throw THAT at me, and tell me his games are blocked and if I want him out of my kitchen, than I am to haul my ass upstairs and unblock his X-Box and ps3.

I calmly said 'Tell your grandfather. That isn't my job.' I continued to clean, while he continued to be a rude pouting child. Now, my SO has absolutely 0 clue how to use anything game related other than the Wii. He most certainly does not know a single thing about parental controls. I do that. And the biggest reason I do that is for my 5 year old niece. The kid is smart. She has figured out on her own how to bypass a good portion of games on most game systems. What she cant figure out is my pin codes, because each system has a different one and I refuse to tell her. My SS refuses to realize this.

So, as I keep on cleaning, hes rocking back and forth in a chair, and I tell him to stop before he falls backwards. "Why?! It's my house." That is where I lost my temper. I calmly stated (and mind you this is that creepy calm your parents used on you to scare the living shit out of you) "Your grandfather and I pay the bills. Your grandfather and I pay for the gas that takes you places. We pay for your games, we also pay for your food and clothing. Last I checked, your grandfather's name is on the deed to this house that proves ownership. Where in there do you think that this property, let alone anything in this house is truly yours?" He, of course being a 'teenage rebel' (his words not mine), proceeded to stand up rudely, knocking the chair over and get in my face. "Its my house because I've lived here all my life! I say it's my house, it's my house damn it!" This is where my SO walks into the kitchen, having heard my SS arguing with me.

I calmly explained the situation to him that SS has decided to be rude and disrespectful by rocking in a chair that can easily break (spindled legs and very old chair) and has rudely informed me that because he says so, that this house you and I maintain is his and his alone. SO asks what the cause was of the argument. I told him because I refuse to unlock his game systems. My SO informed his grandson that he requested the blocks put on. I also informed the both of them, the blocks will come off when I'm damned good and ready to take them off. I will get to it when I feel like it. Much like this child and his bathing and hygiene habits.

I informed my SS in front of my SO, that I will no longer be lifting a finger for him. If he should wish anything done, he must now ask his grandfather. I will not be driving him anywhere anymore, and he is not welcome to ask me anything pertaining to me rising from my desk chair (since I work at my desk most of my day paying bills and managing household money) and if he wants something for dinner, he must either ask his grandfather or make it himself.

This resulted in my SS storming off to his room, slamming the door repeatedly and then attempting to break a hole in my wall. I told him if he punches a hole in the wall, he will be the one patching it, and he will be the one painting said patch. This got the door slammed again and I asked him very nicely to please stop that, its annoying and scaring the animals. He slammed it once more for good measure and stayed in his room until 11pm (mind you he has school for 2 more days) and when my SO asked when he was going to bed, SS said to him rudely 'When I damned well feel like it'. Well, he stayed up to whenever he did, and I was up before 6 am, just because I couldn't sleep anymore (my cat has a nasty annoying habit of getting me up when she feels like it by using my face as a kneeding post). When I was making my coffee, SS runs downstairs (he has to be out the door at 6:30 and by now it is about 6:25 am), still in his sleeping clothes, and proceeds to tell me I am at fault for him not getting up on time.

I asked him nicely 'Didn't you set your alarm clock?' "NO!" 'Well, how is it my fault you didn't get up on time? Stinky is my excuse. You have none.' At this point the bus pulled up and was waiting, and the driver honked. I calmly walked down the driveway and told her SS was going to need a minute. She said that she would come back around (Our street is the only way in or out of our development) and that if he wasn't ready in the 5 minutes it took her to pick up the rest of her bus load, he wouldn't be riding the bus today. I told her thank you and walked back into the house. Just as shes pulling away SS is rushing down the stairs again, blaming me the entire way, and freaked out about 'missing the bus'. I told him that I told the bus driver that he was unprepared and she is nice enough to come back around and pick him up. At this point he is still cussing me, and damning me to hell for 'making his life miserable'.

The perfect comeback I've found for that is 'Good, that means I'm doing my job right.' I went to drink my coffee and thankfully he caught the bus so I didn't have to wake my SO up and deal with that mess.

I must say, disengaging is probably the best thing I've ever been told to do with this kid. I feel freer and I don't feel bad about hating the little monster he is. My anger management is coming back to me with this kid, and I find his reactions to my calmness hilarious. He gets himself worked up over the smallest things and throws objects at me. Thankfully his aim down right sucks! But the day he hits me with something is the day I call the cop next door over and have him scare SS out of his wits.

But in general, this makes me feel as though I can deal with my own parental issues now and not have to worry about what this kid is doing. My father, who has been awol for 20 years, popped his head up out of nowhere, expecting me to be the duitiful daughter. I told my grandmother the other day that I don't know how my two uncles and my own stepfather didn't kill my cousins and I when we were 12. There were 6 of us, and now there are 9. The last 3 are all boys, they are all under the age of 12, and no less than a year apart from one another. The oldest of the 'trio' is turning 9 in september, the youngest will be 3 in august. The middle one just turned 7 in april. These three are the definition of 'Hell on Wheels' and I feel very badly for my aunts and uncles.

Anyone who can disengage, do it. I am, and I've made it quite clear that I have no responsibility for this child what so ever, and I refuse to take it. He did not come from my body, I will not be responsible for him. His grandfather promised SS's BM to take care of him when she died of cancer close to 8 years ago. I did not make that promise, and never will. Should something ever happen to my SO (knock on wood nothing does), I will allow the foster system to deal with this monster of a child and go about my life. I am a step parent, and I have no legal responsibility to raise this brat.

Keep that in mind. We are step parents. They are not our problem. Unless you have a) adopted them or b) gained guardianship of them, you yourself have no responsibility for anyone but your own biological children, and yourself. For me, it is my furry children and myself. I personally cannot have kids due to medical problems, and I honest to god do not want them. I would rather have the kind that listen to what you say and do what you want them to do. Dogs are much easier than kids. Cats are much easier than kids. It's as simple as that.