Am I being to harsh?
If you've been following my blogs as of recent you'll know that SD(7) is completely out of control. I won't go into details but it's gotten pretty bad with her.
One of the things that just annoys the crap out of me is the complete disregard for any sort of rules in the houe. I know it's typical for kids to do things that they are not supposed to do when you're not in the room but she does something or breaks one of the house rules everytime an adult is not around. He 5 year old little brother doesn't even do that. Well he does from time to time but that's to be expected from a child.
Whenever I confront her when she gets caught doing it, which is everyday, I'll ask her, "do you know that this is something that you're not supposed to do?" Usually she'll either say yes or nod her head. Then I'll ask her why she did it if she knew she wasn't supposed to and that's when I get the shrug. I think that she thinks that if I believe she didn't know why she broke one of the house rules or did something she wasn't supposed to she won't get in trouble. Which never works for her.
I hate the shrug. It's not a, "I have no idea shrug." It's, "because I really dont't care what you or DH tell me not to do, when you're not around I'm going to do whatever the hell I want" shrug. I have flat out told DH that I'm done with the blantant breaking of the rules because she doesn't give a sh!t. She's compteley out of control right now and needs to learn that she is a child and needs to respect and listen to adults instead of arguing, screaming, threatening, and just being plain rude and saying really hurtful things because she wants to dominate the situation.
During the conversation with DH I told him that we need to go to zero tolerance with the rule breaking. No more 7 minute time outs they don't work for her because she just doesn't care. How we are handling the outright disrespect for any and all adults is that if you does anything disrespectful to any adult she is done for the week the we have her. She will come home everyday, get into her pajamas, and stay in her room and either read a book or play with puzzles. There will be no movies or playing with toys.
Before anybody starts in on how that's just horrible to do to her let me give you a couple oe examples of what I'm talking about.
Last spring she assaulted her step sister by slapping her so hard it almost knocked her to the floor in front of BM. When BM tried to get control of her she turned on her and attacked her. BM had to drive SD down to the police station because she couldn't manage to get control of her.
Last spring SD lied to a cop and a CPS worker about how DH grabbed her by her face and slammed her head into the wall which caused an investigation around DH's parenting to happen.
Actual truth:
SD was taking a bath. Had one of those barbie swimming pools oon the edge of the tub. The pool falls of the edge and water spills every where. DH goes in and cleans it up. While he's cleaning it up he was telling SD not to do that anymore to which SD thought it was appropriate to call him a moron. DH flicked her in the mouth and she jerked her hed back and hit the wall on the other side of the tub with it. Her punishment for DH taking control of the situation, lying to cops about him abusing her.
She was only 6 when she did these things and there are a lot more examples I can give.
What I want to do with breaking the house rules deliberately because she just doesn't feel like she has to follow them is she goes to bed early and looses her movie in bed. I'm just done with it. I view this behavior along the same lines of disrespecting adults. She is blantenly not listening to what an adult has told her because she has no respect for any adult. Pretty much all of DH's family think that if we don't get her under control now she is going to be horrible when she's older. Like jail and pregnant at 15 horrible.
What do you guys think. To harsh.
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Comments
I don't think you're being
I don't think you're being too harsh. It sounds like you've repeatedly tried the usual things like time-outs and loss of privileges and they're not working. She sounds like an absolute nightmare and has to learn manners and respect fast before she causes serious harm to someone with her violence and lying. You and dh's family are right - if she carries on like this she will be in jail, on drugs and/or pregnant by the time she's 15 so it needs to stop now. Has she had a psychatric evaluation to see whether she has some kind of mental/personality disorder? I don't know whether it would be worth having a word with your local police to see whether they could have a talk to her about bad/violent behaviour and scare her to death with the consequences of what happens to people who break the rules. In the UK they are often willing to do that with teenagers but at 7 they may consider her too young.
no. take action now and dont
no. take action now and dont put it off. Chores are good too. If she breaks something she cleans it up. If she make a mess in the bathroom she can learn how to mop/clean a toilet. She is old enough to learn responsibility and receive punishments. In MHO she is to old for time outs.
Ripley, This would probably
Ripley,
This would probably work well with other children but time outs don't work for her. In fact I've never found a punishment that does. She just doesn't care.
We have a list of household rules that I have typed up and printed out with a list of consequences under each rule. That list is taped to the back of the pantry door so DH and I can refer back to it whenever we need to. SD will open the pantry door and read the rules as well as the consequences to us all of the time. She knows what the rules are. She just doesn't care.
You see DH and BM let her run the show until I came along. There were no boundaries or rules. She was given adult status not to mention that I'm pretty sure that she has ODD and could have picked up a personality disorder from her mother.
Typical punishments that work for SS(5) and BD(7) do not work for SD(7). Here's an example of what I'm talking about. We went to see DH's parents last week. SD got in trouble and wasn't allowed to go to the park with SS and my BD as a consequence. What does she do? She takes off using the back door and decides that she is going down to the park to play. SS or my BD would never do this.
We have literally had to create a seperate set of punishments for the same rules that apply to all of the kids in the house just for her because normal kid rules have no effect on her. It takes about three days of being grounded and in her room before it finally has any effect on her.
I wish it were as simple as your suggestions. They would work on my BD and SS.
Well I prefer Corn.
Well I prefer Corn.
Have you considered taking
Have you considered taking all her things away as a punishment and having her earn them back with good behavior? that worked for my evil princess SD....for a while anyway....
I already suggested that one
I already suggested that one to DH. Not going to happen. At least for right now.
It took her treating his entire family like crap for four days straight last week before he finally decided on the zero tolerance for disrespecting adults thing. I've been pitching that one to him for the last year and a half. It may happen. But it's going to take something extreme for him to get to that point.
Oh Foxie......you crack me
Oh Foxie......you crack me up. Spankings don't work. She doesn't even flinch. She's not an average child. She is very smart. To smart for her own good. The reward system doesn't work either and I really don't see a point in rewarding a child for doing something that should already know. She is very manipulative and would probably figure out a way to work the reward system.
She is very much into her appearance. I've thought about buying her the ugliest school uniforms I can find online. I'm saving this punishment for the times that she threatens me which shouldn't be to far off in the future. She's been making a habit of this at least twice a month if not more as of recent. I plan on taking all of her clothes out of her closet as well as her dresser and hanging the school uniforms in their place. I'll leave her some underwear and socks but that's it. If she thinks that she can bully me into doing whatever it is she wants by threatening me she's got another thing coming. She's about to realize just how little power she has in controlling me.
This would probably work well
This would probably work well with other children but time outs don't work for her. In fact I've never found a punishment that does. She just doesn't care.
I completely understand. Unfortunately, I have no advice; all I can offer is my sympathy and support.
Thanks doll faced sm.
Thanks doll faced sm. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone helps.