A comment DH's Grandmother made got me thinking.
SD was in prime form when we had to go over to his parents house last week because his Grandfather had died. She was rude, mean, and disrespectful to everyone in the house. It was crazy. You can rea dmy previous blog from yesterday to get a little more of the details of her behavior.
It got to a point where DH's mom, dad, and Grandmother spoke to me about their concerns for her behavior and her future.
DH's Grandmother made a comment about how she thinks tha this little girl is going to end up in jail or pregnant by age 15 if we can't manage to get her under control. This got me thinking of course because if that were to happen, I don't want to take raise her child. I just don't. It's not my responsibility and I didn't create that problem. That's all BM and I think that if BM can't see what she's doing and that she is messing this kid up then she should have to deal with it. (BM wants SD to grow up and be 16 now when she's only 7 so they can be the best of buds so she lets her watch inappropriate things, listen to inappropriate music, tells her she's going to take her to get her nose and belly button pierced, and so on.)
When I mentioned how I felt to DH I could tell that he was not happy with where I stand on this issue. I immediately had to back down and say that I would help the baby if it comes to that but I don't want to.
Am I wrong in how I feel about this? I can see if it happens that it won't be helping SD. It will be raising a her child after all three kids grow up and move out and I want no part of that. I know that dealing with SD as she gets older is going to take a lot and when the kids have all left the nest so to speak I want to have my life with DH. With SD's behavior now this is something that could very much happen in the future.
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If your DH was not happy with
If your DH was not happy with you on where you stand...sounds to me that he thinks this is a real possibility. As soon as she can be sexually active, I'd get her on the pill asap, I wouldn't raise her child either. Let BM do it. But she probably wouldn't and you'd be stuck doing it. I would never take care of my own kid's baby, I would let them live with me, but I'd make sure she was right there doing all the work for her child, not me.
Good Luck.
I had this conversation with
I had this conversation with DH the other day. SD is 15. I told him if she comes home pregnant then she has to move to BM's and I am not raising this child! BM doesn't even have custody of SD but they would have to live with her. He says he agrees with me but I know better. If this ever happened he would never want BM to be around a baby because she is a terrible person. It would end up being a huge fight!!
no way would i let dh make me
no way would i let dh make me feel like i had to take care of sd's kid! sd19 is pregnant (did it on purpose) and has lectured, guilt tripped, and got shitty with me about how i pretty much owe it to her to be there for her and help her. F you sd. i owe you NOTHING. you did this by yourself, i didn't have anything to do with it. that's what i told her. i will not be a part of this. she thinks she's grown up and responsible enough to deliberately get pregnant, so she can live with the consequences by herself. i didn't promise to be her mother or her kids grandmother. i'm only 34!
as for your dh, i think you should take back what you said about helping. you don't want to do it, so don't. tell him either he can prevent the issue from becoming a reality by getting her on the shot (she could skip pills), or he can figure out what to do on his own because you are not going to allow sd to control your life with her choices.
"The boy cant stand me
"The boy cant stand me because, at least I believe, Im a real mom and hes jealous of the fact my bios always had a mom and Im living proof his mom is scum. Weird but what else can ya think."
i think this is the case with sd19, too. a big part of her attitude with me is that she hates seeing what i do for and with my kids because she never had that. she could have had that with me, but she chose to shit on me every time i tried to be good to her. so it's her own damn fault that she will never have that with me. now that she wants to accept what i have to offer, it's too late. i'm not interested anymore. i don't care anymore. she's grown and gone, so playing nice and getting along and all that crap doesn't matter to me anymore because i don't have to see her all the time and she isn't living in my house. she has resorted to guilt tripping and lecturing to try to force me to do what she wants. i can only imagine what she said and thought when i responded to that by blocking all communication except face to face with her. she doens't have the balls to say to my face that crap she spews thru the computer or texting. }:)