SD22 has a breakdown
So on Sunday we were supposed to go meet some friends for dinner at 4pm. So we asked SD22 if she could come over and watch her son for us. It's about an hour drive, and we told SD22 that we had to be there by 4pm.
Of course in usual SD22 fashion, DW calls her around 2pm and didn't get an answer. SD22 calls back around 2:30pm saying she just woke up and she's on her way. In SD22 language, that means she'll ACTUALLY be on her way in about 15-20 minutes. My wife and I had already decided that I would just go if SD22 was late. We waited until 3:20pm and I finally just left to go meet our friends, with DW at home watching our grandson.
So SD22 finally got there around 4pm. She got into a fender bender and rear-ended somebody because she said she looked down for a second. I'm willing to bet she was texting on her phone. So she has been driving now for over almost a year with a suspended license. The car she drives is in some guy's name. So of course when she speaks with the driver, she's boo-hooing about how she doesn't have a license...blah, blah, blah. The driver goes "Well you're a pretty girl and we all make mistakes, so we'll just say that your guy friend was driving the car when we speak to the insurance company." That just pisses me off to no end because she keeps getting away with shit like this. She's been ticketed 4 times already for driving with a suspended license, and the cops just let her drive away instead of impounding her car and/or locking her up. I can tell you right now if that was me, my black ass would've gone to jail.
So when SD22 finally does come over, she's crying to DW about how she's REALLY trying to get her life together and get a place for her and her son, blah blah. She just says that all these bad things just keep happening to her everytime she gets ahead. (*rolling eyes* Yeah, driving with a suspended license tends to make "bad things" happen) She just told us last week how she was a month behind on her car payments. She was renting a room from someone, but now she has gone back to just crashing on their couch, presumably for less rent. SD22 is like ship floating around in the ocean with no rudder or sail, no sense of direction at all. SD22 actually makes more money than DW or I if you factor in that she doesn't pay taxes on any of her money. That night my DW started to tear up because she says it's hard watching SD22 just ruin her life.
I've told DW many times that she needs to sit SD22 and have a motherly talk with her. Not a talk where she just sits and nods her head and accepts whatever bullshit SD22 spouts out of her mouth. She needs to have a stern and serious talk with her about what's going on in her life. We were only supposed to have guardianship of GS3 until the middle of May, and here it is about to be the middle of June. So tired of SD22 getting to have fun all the time and be irresponsible while we have to take care of her son.
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Comments
i was just asking about you
i was just asking about you the other day.
you know what, i would NOT count on SD watching her kid anymore. I would just find someone else to be my "go to sitter"
She's not reliable, and she brings more drama with her than what it's worth.
Just my two cents.
I agree. Your DW isn't doing
I agree. Your DW isn't doing her any favors and needs have an extremely stern discussion with her. Enabling her behavior isn't helping her, just hurting her in the long run. She has flipping child...time to grow up! So sorry you are dealing with this.
Can't you call the insurance
Can't you call the insurance company and tell them she is lying? I would. It is fraud and it is the reason all our premiums go up!
I would arrange another sitter. She is unreliable.
You could use this phrase with your DW because it was given to me when my daughter was travelling the light fantastic in her own alternate reality with LoserBabyDaddy ... she will come back when she is sick and tired of being sick and tired and in the meantime you sit back and wait. A couple of times DD called on us to bail her out. We made sure her daughter had her special formula even if it meant a trip to the supermarket for us. But that was all. No 'extra few dollars' for petrol for her car. Sorry, this is what LBD is for. It took her about 8 months to realise her life was not getting any better and she changed her life. Your SD has to get to that stage where changing her life would only mean an improvement. She will get there. If she can get by on her pretty little face (and consider the fact that she COULD be lying and hit a parked car) she can change her ways. Eventually.
If you want to send her down
If you want to send her down here to Salem I will Straighten her out. I cant believe I am 23 and couldn't imagine living like that.
LOL our dinner date was
LOL our dinner date was actually in Salem. I would love for somebody to kidnap SD22 and straighten her ass out. I would do it, but because its coming from stepdad she would totally tune me out.
So sorry your SD isn't
So sorry your SD isn't showing any signs of getting her life together. I'm in the same place. My SD25, who has left her 2 kids in our care since January, has had more than enough of what I would consider "hitting bottom" experiences, yet shows no signs of getting her head out of her ass. I just learned from DW yesterday that she is about to get kicked out of her friend's house where she has been living, and she claims she has no money to get her own apartment, even though she makes $500 a week and hasn't paid rent since at least last July. Unfortunately, some of these SKs are just hopeless.
I completely feel your pain
I completely feel your pain dlibyd. My SD22 makes MORE than enough money to get a place for her and her son, she just blows her money on stupid stuff. She probably averages about $850 a week cash.
Your SD is a professional
Your SD is a professional victim. My ILs are the same. All but one of them anyway. MIL, FIL, BIL(1) and SIL and their respective spouses....... all perpetual victims of "the man" and "bad things always happen".....
When I was in my early to mid 20s I had a run of expensive collisions with deer. I hit 5 over the course of 1.5 years.
My dad finally gave me clarity. If a thing happens once then so be it. Two times it is probably a coincidence. Three times and more ... you have to look for the common denominator. Which is the case of my hunting deer with my car was ME!!!!
A never ending sequence of unfortunate events (e.g. getting kicked out of college for bad grades, repeated out of wedlock pregnancies (male of female contributors) car accidents, getting cited for driving without a license, repeated car repossessions, repeated bankrupties, repeated home foreclosures or evictions, etc, etc, etc.....) are not random events of bad luck and "bad things happening". These may be different things but happen but when all of some of them happen to the same person repeatedly then they are not only unfortunate events. Just as I was the cause of my repeated run-ins with Bambi and his family those who suffer seemingly never ending series of unfortunate events are the cause of their own problems.
I would say that nearly without fail the cause of bad things happening repeatedly to one person is that person. The problem is them and if they can't comprehind the fact that stupidity is doing the same things repeatedly while expecting a different outcome then there really is nothing anyone can do for them. If these are loved ones it certainly is upsetting but .... if they will not make a change then anything we do to soften the consequences is likely to be enabling rather than helping.
As my signiture line says .... if she can't listen or learn then she is going to have to feel.
Let her feel and don't sweat her stupidity. It is her supidity to love or fix.
Hang in there.
Thanks for all of the
Thanks for all of the comments and suggestions. We actually did have somebody else that we used as a sitter. It was actually one of SD22's friends. We had plans to go out one night and we were going to use the sitter. Well all of a sudden SD22 says she doesn't approve of her son spending the night at her friends house because she has family members that use drugs.
Now mind you we have used the sitter a few times before and SD22 never said anything. SD22 has actually let her friend watch the kid many times herself. So all that means is that SD22 probably got into an argument with her and now they aren't getting along. I told DW that since she gave us guardianship over the kid, WE are the ones who should decide who is appropriate to watch GS3, not SD22.
As far as my disengaging and letting DW totally take care of GS3, I don't think I could do that. I love him too much, and I love DW too much to let her shoulder the burden all along. I was in agreement when we made the deal for guardianship, so I won't turn my back on DW. GS3 is already starting to lose his emotional connection to SD22, which is pretty sad.