Hi ladies, I've been lurking for a while and I find you ladies very insightful. Little background about me. I met my DH in 2009. He has a stepson who was 6 at the time. To tell you the truth, I hadn't had that much experience with kids but I've always found him very whiny/immature for his age. He's 8 now. In the beginning of the relationship we got along fine. I wasn't super close to his son but it was headed in the right direction. I think the kid was so used to not having a mom in his life, that he really didn't need that mother figure. We had some boundary issues with my DHs ex which he nipped in the bud because he could tell I don't play that game. Lol! Her and I actually get along now. She's was not a very involved mom in the beginning. She had him EOW. She pretty much signed the kid away when he was 2 but over the last few years has taken on a more motherly role. We now have week/week visitation.
Anyway, besides the whiny/bratty behavior my SS is basically a good kid. Good grades, athletic, etc... My DH is GREAT at balancing our relationship and being a dad. He is not one of these dad's that put the stepkids first for everything. He understands that our relationship is important. In fact, one of the things he said when we were dating that made me fall in the love with him was "The greatest gift you can give your child is being in love with your spouse. If they see you're happy, then they'll be happy." I absolutely agree with this.
So, I'm sure you're all saying, WTF are you complaining about? LOL! I know alot of SMs here would kill for my situation. Well, I'm pretty sure the issue is me. Last year, I became pregnant with my first child. At around 14 weeks we found out something was very wrong. After alot of testing, they pretty much gave my baby girl a 0% chance to survive. My DH and I decided to carry to term and let her go on her own terms. Well, I carried her the entire 9 months and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She passed away as soon as she was born. Needless to say, it was a very trying 9 months. At some points I thought I might go crazy. I tried to enjoy it the best I could, knowing this was the only time I had with her. I think this was the point that I began to pull away from wanting to be around my SS.
I'm currently pregnant, with a baby girl , so I'm very aware that it could be hormomes. But I literally cannot stand to be in the same house with the kid. I count down the days until he's gone and I've never done that before. When he whines/cries for something totally stupid, I could just run away. It also seems like he just walks around with this attitude like he owns the place. He puts his tv/xbox as loud as he wants without regard to anybody else. I have to constantly tell my DH to tell him to either 1.turn it down or 2. close his door. I'm starting to see that he really is immature for his age, but my DH doesn't see it. My DH has to tell him every night to use the bathroom or the kid shits on himself. Ridiculous. Example, he went to the ILs house this weekend and shit on himself because nobody "reminded" him to use the toilet. WTF?! The kid's going to the 3rd grade!! But I pretty much disengaged, even before I knew what that meant, so I don't have to clean it up. I just have no interest in the boy at all. I have to interest in attending any softball games, school functions, nothing! I feel horrible but I feel nothing for this kid anymore. Absolutely nothing. I just feel like it's such a disruption when he's here. He has to constantly be "entertained". I'm just wondering how this is all going to work when I have the baby in September. I'm horrified by my feelings and never thought I was capable of that. I don't know what to do. Should I just force myself to attend his functions, force myself to be around him more and hope it helps? I almost feel like I just have to "fake it" until I come around. Thanks for any advice ladies..