Related to Previous blog "Mortified"....Advice Needed
Please read the blog if you haven't already. What do I say to SD? I don't think she knows I heard that terrible conversation, and I was in such shock over it that I haven't brought it up to her and have acted like it didn't happen - though I did notice that she didn't ask for me to help tuck her in like she usually does. 
Should I just reassure her that I'm not going anywhere and that I care about her? What to do?
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I would do exactly this ^^!
I would do exactly this ^^! Those are the words that this child needs to hear.
Yes, I do still want to be
Yes, I do still want to be involved, just not to the extent that I was kinda forced to be before. But me saying I'm backing down translates as "I'm leaving" to fdh and that is not my intention.
FDH said some really terrible things, he should have never said them, and I don't approve of it. That being said, I do love him and he is not that person (but hey, once is too much). 99.9% of the time he's super laid back and fun to be around. He even commented that he saw his dad come out in fdh's words and behavior last night and that worried him. He's told me how abusive his father was while fdh was growing up. I wonder if since fdh didn't have a good model while he was young that it's affecting his parenting now?
My advice- right now, YOU
My advice- right now, YOU don't need to do anything. Your DH has to make this right. My heart is so busted up for this kid.
Silly me, I thought I should
Silly me, I thought I should let him know so that he wouldn't be surprised and get pissy at me for not doing as much as I used to. So that he would know that I expected him to do the heavy lifting. I feel so awkward now. Thanks for your advice about opening up that way.
i didn't mean for you to take
i didn't mean for you to take my last comment as a personal attack on you. it was just a matter of fact, based on what you shared. she's not you kid, not your careless mistake/accident and not your responsibility.
i don't think i would go making nay promises that "you're not going anywhere". it's been 3 years and things don't seem to be getting any better with the skid, you may not feel it now, but you may reach your boiling point and decide to walk. why should you be tied to raising a kid when you didn't want any to begin with and took precautions so you wouldn't have to?
and i don't think it's your place to apologoze for her father. HE SHOULD! and then you can follow up with re-assurance.
it's a truly shitty situation for you and especially sd. but you can't fill the void of her loser mom, not so great dad and grandparents that don't give a shit about her. is this really what you signed up for? she's 8 and confused, do you think the tween/teen years are going to be easier?
it's a long bumpy road ahead and if you're up to it ~ GREAT! i just don't think one NOT wanting kids in the first place would be wanting to rise to that occasion. maybe part time, but 24/7 with a bioparent that doesn't even want to rise to that occasion?
best of luck to everyone involved.
Oh, I didn't take it as a
Oh, I didn't take it as a personal attack, I just thought maybe I should clarify how I do feel since I hadn't really done that. Also, SD has been with us for right at one year, and I do see a change for the better in that time period. It's been a strange road to travel, that's for sure!
I always feel that I'm the caretaker. The one who calms down a situation. I've felt this way since I was a kid. It's exhausting.
This is exactly why we don't
This is exactly why we don't tell them what we are doing...Somehow it comes back to bite us in the ass....Just disengage, don't talk about it. And for Gosh sakes, hug that child and tell her that this is not about her, it is about how DH parents her and parents sometimes do the wrong thing and that is on them and not on her....