A happy wife is a happy life. What about a 2nd wife??
Maybe this rule doesn't apply to second wives. Maybe in a second marriage it means, "a happy daughter is a happy life!" because all weekend all my DH did was cater to his SD15.
She hasn't visited in 3 weeks due to school activities during the weekend. This past weekend she got a break and came for a visit. A few minutes after entering our home, DH tells me that he is going out for a few minutes with her and that he was leaving SS9 with me. Since he hasn't seen her in awhile, I said okay. Well a movie, a shower and 3 hours later they finally decided to come back! I was ticked off!! DH explains that he called and told SS9 to tell me they decided to drive out further. I live in a 2-bedroom apartment. There were only 2 people in there and he couldn't bother to ask SS to call me so I could speak with him? Why rely on a 9-year old to relay your message when you know that I am right there? Anyways, I let that slide but I was already feeling paranoid about things.
Second incident was Saturday night when DH gathers everyone to go out for a walk in the park. I was hesitant but finally said yes to his suggestion. DH, myself and SD15 started walking together while SS9 decides to run off ahead of us. As we started walking, I noticed that DH was slowly inching away from me and walking more with SD15. I walked silently behind them just observing and seeing if he will even notice that I wasn't walking with them. Five minutes later and being totally ignored, I just started walking ahead of them... like brisk walking because I was so pissed off!!! He didn't even notice I was pissed because as soon as we got home, I just did not talk to anyone and went straight to bed.
The following morning DH was up early (not sure why but he was) and soon after I got up myself. I figured since the kids were still asleep, it would be nice to spend some quality time outside while drinking coffee. We decided to start cleaning our patio chairs. While we were doing this, SS9 wakes up and helps us. After we got done, we all sat outside to enjoy the morning and then I asked where SD was. Well princess was still fast asleep!! That really irks me when all 3 of us are up and busy working and her fat behind is still in bed! I told DH to wake her up so she can sit with us. When she finally got up and sat outside with us, the conversation was monopolized by her and DH. All they talked about was those hours spent Saturday morning when they went out for a drive!!!
SS9 got bored and walked away. I got tired of listening to them because I wasn't a part of that activity so I couldn't share anything. I felt like, after cleaning all the chairs so I could spend quality time with DH, she gets to reap the rewards of my labor?!! WTF is up with that?! BTW, Friday night I was in the ER due to severe shoulder pain. I was still in pain but because I wanted to spend time with DH outdoors, I cleaned those damn chairs!!
So it's almost 10 a.m. and I'm thinking, well look at those two having so much fun conversing outside and they're not hungry for breakfast? Hmmm let me see, I wonder who they expect to prepare breakfast for them? I cooked dinner Saturday night despite the pain and as I walk into the kitchen the dishes from that night was still in my sink. That's what pissed me REALLY OFF!!! SD15's only chore is to wash dishes. Her lazy ass never does because DH is not vigilant.
To make things worse, DH comes into the kitchen after talking to her and says in his most cheerful voice, "Good morning!" to me. Really? We've been up for 3 hours and working on those chairs and you didn't greet me good morning then! You didn't even give me a hug. Well guess what? You can shove your good morning up your you know what and make your kids their breakfast!!! I walked out and stayed out for a couple of hours.
He was clueless as to why I was pissed! I finally told him that my world doesn't not revolve around his daughter. I am in pain and I still had to do my chore so how come none of his kids did theirs? I also told him that I am tired of reminding him about the rules/chores we decided to give his kids. I am tired of being the bad person because I am vigilant about these things! I have not spoken to DH since I told him how I feel.
A happy daughter DOES NOT MEAN a happy life!!!!!!
- maldita's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
PS - I am NOT the 2nd wife, I
PS - I am NOT the 2nd wife, I am THE WIFE...and you TOO should always keep that in mind...if these people don't get it, you need to let it be known...
I can kinda understand if he
I can kinda understand if he hasn't seen her in three weeks. But if she had school stuff...then that was HER choice...
Teen girls can really get into the "roll out the red carpet" for me because they think they need all this special attention from daddy.
If Dh isn't going to hold them to chores and you have no kids witht his guy...then make it known you have choices.
And I agree with the above post...YOU ARE THE WIFE...not second...
I understand that he hasn't
I understand that he hasn't seen her in 3 weeks and I told him that after he scooted off with her for 3 hours but this is not the first time he has given her "royal" treatment. This has been going on for awhile. He promised me he would fix the problem from the last time we argued about it.
I am just sad and I feel so unimportant right now.
Thanks for your response,
Thanks for your response, Mazzy. DH and I have been discussing this for awhile. Although I see him work on it sometimes, a lot of the times he is clueless. I guess having the SKids 3 weekends in a row and only getting one kid-free weekend at the end of the month can take its toll.
It's also difficult to turn the switch on and off when the kids are there. Sometimes I feel he hesitates to be affectionate because she told him before that she does get jealous of me.
IDK, I don't even understand why I should be competing with her.
This will be hard for me
This will be hard for me because I get very sensitive and emotional. I will try your suggestion though. Thank you so much for your insight.
This is the first time she
This is the first time she has been away this long. Before this, we have both kids 3 weekends in a month. The only kid-free weekend is the last weekend of the month. And yes, this is a habit he has with her. Trust me, my SS9 gets punished for doing wrong but she ALWAYS gets away without consequence.
I have trouble with you
I have trouble with you saying this:
"I told DH to wake her up so she can sit with us. When she finally got up and sat outside with us, the conversation was monopolized by her and DH."
and then in the next paragraph:
"SS9 got bored and walked away. I got tired of listening to them because I wasn't a part of that activity so I couldn't share anything."
Dont put yourself in this position anymore, it is not healthy...if she is too lazy to get out of bed, or too mopey for whatever reason she has and stays in her room all the time, dont chase her down to be between you and DH..
My SD has had days full days in the last 3 weeks that she doesnt even leave her room...not my kid, not my problem...makes life easier
Thank you. You are right. I
Thank you. You are right. I will make a conscious effort not to put myself into these positions.
i can't stand my sd and the
i can't stand my sd and the "special" treatment always given to her and not so much ss either ~ even though neither are accountable or responsible for one damn thing. chore? wtf is that?
look at the bright side, maybe the little bitch will keep up this schedule and you only need to see her be treated like royalty once a month. not much, but that's all i got for positive feedback!
LOL thanks
LOL thanks
Funnily enough, I've had this
Funnily enough, I've had this same conversation with my SO...the phrase I used was "When momma's unhappy, ain't nobody happy"...he got the point after I pointed things out about his "nuclear family" friends & how the wife/mother is treated vs. the way I was treated.
It sucks to feel that way...I'm sorry.
i forgot to mention, if i'm
i forgot to mention, if i'm not happy, everybody is fucking miserable, i see to it.
I would suggest that you plan
I would suggest that you plan a vacation for yourself during the time the girl is there after a long absence, to give them time alone, and spoil yourself. Instead of feeling ignored, be treating yourself to a spa day, or whatever you like to do to spoil yourself. Make it an weekly event, if needed.
That sounds very nice. For
That sounds very nice. For the past year, I have learned to spend my money on me and not them. I no longer use my money to feed his kids everytime we go out. I also stopped buying them clothes, stuff etc. I can't seem to get away from buying them food because that's a staple. Wish I could but that would be evil. LOL.
Sounds like disengaging on
Sounds like disengaging on some of the weekends they are there might help. Do you have a friend you've been meaning to visit? A day trip or two with a girlfriend? Sleeping in? Going to the pool to loosen up your sore shoulder?
When I think of the walk you all went on, it feels like you are trying to compete with SD, now you may not be, but whatever it is, it may be more healthy to pull yourself away from that dynamic. Find something interesting about the walk, almost as if you are on a walk by yourself perhaps, or instead I think it is ok to just not go.
Good luck!!!
IAW, thank you for your
IAW, thank you for your reply. A lot of people have advised me to do things for myself. I could do this but 8 years ago, I left my country to marry DH. That being said, I have no friends or family close by. Having my stepkids 3 weekends in a row can take its toll. I have gone out a few times but I always end up being miserable because on weekends I do want to spend time with family... and at this point and time, DH is the only family I have.
Gosh my life is pathetic! LOL
Web style is not only about