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SO Changes on the weekends we have SKID

Wishitwasdifferent's picture

Submitted by Wishitwasdifferent on Fri, 05/18/2012 - 3:21am

OH MY LORD!!!!

Well this weekend is our weekend to have SD5 and don't I know it. For the last 10 days since we last had her SO has been loving and caring and attentive BUT I get home from work last night and he is back to being distant and short tempered with me, a clear sign we will be having fucking princess from 6pm today.

When I mention to him that I feel he changes he says it is me that changes. NOT TRUE I purposely watch what I say, so nobody can say anything about my behaviour. I am NICE NICE NICE.

I seriously cannot stand the weekends we have her, just looking at her annoys the hell out of me inwardly although I try not to show it and think I do a good job of busying myself to keep out of the way. But my SO definately changes but says not.

I can't stand it and I have YEARS of this if I am to stay with the man I love, she is only 5, potentially I have at least 10 years of this to go, maybe more.

How do you cope with it, how can I make it easier for myself? I try to disengage but she is like a parasite, she gets under your skin and makes it crawl even when you try so hard to ignore her.

Comments

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Fri, 05/18/2012 - 3:45am

You probably do still behave nice, even when the SD is coming, but your body language will probably convey tension and stress - how could it not, when you feel as you do about SD, and when SO is being distant to you?
I have never really sorted out a great way of coping with SKID visits. I try to do as much as possible on my own, or with friends - eg go shopping, walk the dog, do gardening etc. but there is a limit to these activities and you cannot force yourself to feel differently. You are in the exact position I was in 10 years ago - my SDs are 17 and 15 - and show no sign of stopping coming for the weekend, unfortunately. The one good thing is that they do a bit more (but not as much as I would like) on their own and DH does not have to be with them every second. But I sympathise with you - there is no easy answer.

Wishitwasdifferent's picture

Submitted by Wishitwasdifferent on Fri, 05/18/2012 - 4:12am

Thanks for your reply Kes

Yes your probably right with the body language thing.

Do you get on with your SKIDS? Do you have your own children?

I don't have my own kids and sometimes I wonder if I am cut out to be Mother as if I feel so much dislike for SD then would I be any different with my own children?

I don't know, SD is a constant reminder of SO's past and is the dead spit of her BM, googly huge eyes, not cute at all, more retarded looking and gawpy.

Sorry but I have to say these things it is the only way I cope!

Oh well, will knuckle down with it tonight, do my household chores, cook dinner and generally try and busy myself and wish away YET another weekend with SD here bossing around SO and him just suffering from Guilty Daddy Syndrome.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Fri, 05/18/2012 - 10:02am

I do have my own children - but they are women now, aged 30 and 27. They are totally different to my SDs - hate drama, quietly get on with their lives, high achievers, easy going, hard working, careful with money. Every point is the opposite with the NPD BM and her daughters!
I never got on particularly well with SD15 - she was mummy's girl when little and hated me from the word go. I disengaged and stopped going out with them and my DH, as she would sabotage everything.
I used to get on not too bad with SD17 - I would occasionally have short conversations with her, despite being disengaged - but not any more really. She has become a total nightmare the last couple of years - even DH acknowledges this. Like you, I have them this weekend. Let's hope we both get as stress free a w/end as possible!

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Submitted by dontcallmestepmom on Fri, 05/18/2012 - 5:00am

Sadly, you realistically have much more than 10 years.....they are never really gone. Make sure you are able to handle it, bc I am dealing with young adults and they are HORRIBLE.

And please, I know you are venting, but please don't use the word "retarded." It is really offensive. I GET how you feel, I REALLY DO. My FDH's kids are vile.

I am not a mom, either, but I work with special needs kids and I LOVE them. Some are behavioral, and very nasty, but I love them and they will engage with me. My FDH's kids don't like anyone who is not giving them money. They have called me horrible names.... and are so lazy....those are just some of the reasons I cannot stand them. It is much worse than that at times.

Honestly, please take a long look at your situation. Guilty daddies may never stop being guilty.

Orchid91's picture

Submitted by Orchid91 on Fri, 05/18/2012 - 5:18am

It sounds like you don't dislike sd just because of how she is. Its the fact she is a product of your dhs relationship with another woman. Don't worry, I feel exactly the same. What do you think you'd think of her if she was a friends child, or a niece?
I'm trying to separate my resentment issues when I think about my ss. I'm also trying to empathise with him. He has had a crappy upbringing, zero affection from mum, zero stability. Of course its not always easy. Quite often I throw myself a pity party and justify to myself thats its fine not to make an effort. I do want to get a bond with him while he is young though as I suspect he'll get worse. If I develop a bond then I will also develop more patience with him.
My ss is coming tonight for the weekend. I have worked 70 hours this week AND spent 10+ hours writing an assignment. I am shattered and the thought of this weekend fills me with dread. I can't be bothered at the best of times! Anyway I wish you luck and hope you manage to enjoy your weekend!