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Be careful what you wish for

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Tue, 05/15/2012 - 5:56am

I always used to "wish" that something would happen where DH got his kids full time, so they actually had a chance of making something of themselves. I am sure many of you have wished the same thing. Problem is when that something happens, the kids are pissed at YOU and your DH and it is all your fault, not theirs, not their BM's etc.

It happened here yesterday. And now I am stuck with the little darlings full time. Attitudes and all. BM had her first appearance yesterday. Due to the 4 charges of contributing to the delinquency, the judge put a PO in place that BM can not have any form of contact (to include third party) with the "dependent children" until her case has been resolved. So what is the first thing she does? She gets home, calls DH, cusses him out then demands to speak to the kids that the CO says she can talk to them and "that court order came first so it supercedes the other one".

I always suspected she was truly stupid, now I know it for fact.

Comments

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Tue, 05/15/2012 - 7:03am

In so far as they got themselves into trouble and their mom got arrested yes they are sorry. Do they actually see what they did was wrong? The younger three maybe. They have started doing chores without prompting and doing a thorough job at them, then again that is their only excuse aside from meals to come out of their rooms.

The oldest? No. In her eyes I am just being a b*tch, it is all MY fault they got into trouble and their mom got arrested and they can't see her. She sees nothing wrong with lifting the key to my house or inviting her mother into it. In fact she sees nothing wrong with refusing to do her own laundry and basically getting her mom arrested for doing it for her. As for the phones? Those were 'their' phones and it was not stealing per her. Despite the fact I paid for them and the service for the past two years and they were obtained through my contract. The fact that they were taken, out of a box on my dresser by someone that did not own them, pfft no answer to that, she just rolls her eyes and attempts to justify it saying she can't steal her own property. Here is the problem kid, they are MY property.

I was looking forward to her b-day when I was positive she would choose to live with her BM full time. Now with the PO in place against all dependent children, and genius still has another year of highschool to go, so she is by definition still a dependant, that is not going to happen until the PO is lifted. Considering how backed up our courts are. I am stuck. And God only knows for how long.

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Tue, 05/15/2012 - 1:50pm

This is the sort of shit that really pisses me off. SD19 is the same way. When she was turning 16, she stole a key to our house and through a big party while we were out of town. When the police showed up, the kids who didn't make it out in time were all released to their parents. BM came for SD, and was told to walk through the house to make sure everything was in order before locking it up (I'm guessing they told the police it was their house?).

When we returned from our trip and found out what happened, I wanted to press charges. SD said, "For what? I live here, it's not breaking and entering. Besides, the police told me that you could be held responsible for not keeping the alcohol in a locked cabinet," all while rolling her eyes at me. And of course, it was all my fault for stealing her daddy away on her birthday weekend (even though she was spending it with her mother). I wanted to choke the stupid bitch.

LRP75's picture

Submitted by LRP75 on Wed, 05/16/2012 - 5:36am

Uggg. That is worse. Is it too late to change your mind about pressing charges against the oldest? Clearly, she needs to learn the lesson still

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Tue, 05/15/2012 - 7:23am

To Miss17: Welcome to the Real World honey. Where the thoughts and actions of 17 yr olds do not give an adult the right to trespass. Where when you only use something doesn't give you the right to own it.. case to point: Library books (just because you read it and hold it doesn't mean you own it) and Cell phones under your SMs name.

See... teens cannot stand logic. It is all about 'feelings' and their perception of the world. My own daughter was an absolute idiot at that age. She was convinced she could make easy money as an exotic dancer. OMG! Talk about shock value! DH told his SD/my DD "OK, well you will have to lose a bit of weight to get excellent tips and you will have to find somewhere in OtherTown to live because you don't have a car. I have never filed taxes in that state so you are on your own there." She was expecting a HUGE argument and didn't get one. Agreeing with her was the worst (in her eyes) thing we could do.
Of course now she is 24, married, 2 kids and as conservative as they come. They are buying their first home next month and leads a very normal life.

Just tell Miss17 that of course she is entitled to her opinion but the law is the law and you are sure if you had entered her mother's home and used her laundry and gone through her drawers and cabinets you would be facing the same consequences. Playinh it right back will result in enough eye rolling to give her a headache and she will spend more time in bed. Of course the other option is to return to the juvie centre until her mother's situation is resolved....... I wonder if she would like that little option? Away form her siblings, alone with the gang bangers.

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Tue, 05/15/2012 - 7:31am

Drama bomb is such an appropriate description! I think I am stealing that phrase for the next time she makes a bombing run at home. Considering her history, that should be at about 3:30 this afternoon Sad

Jmom's picture

Submitted by Jmom on Tue, 05/15/2012 - 8:37am

Thanks to you all for the candid advice. I have a SD12 and a BS12 and I feel this is where we are headed. Sometimes I get caught up in trying to be fair to both kids and make sure that they are being treated equally. SD could care less. . . I now know from this blog and this site that sometimes I just need to look out for mine. She has parents and she's their problem.

Thanks again!

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Tue, 05/15/2012 - 8:53am

I got caught up in the fair attitude too. However fair and equal are two different things. SD believes that it should be equal. I quit walking that road and am now the stepmonster from hell.

I now do for mine and let dh make the decesion for his. Which sucks for them, because he is a lot more controlling with the money then I am.

smdh's picture

Submitted by smdh on Tue, 05/15/2012 - 10:56am

I'm with you on fair and equal being two very different things. If I made everything equal for SD8 and BS1, BS1 would get screwed. SD8 comes here and brags about all the stuff her mother buys her over there. BS1 doesn't get a new toy everyday, but she gets one everyday she is with her mother.

That said, BS1 will get more bday parties, go on more day trips and do more vacations than SD will becasue McCrazy doesn't do any of that stuff and dh isn't a planner.

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Tue, 05/15/2012 - 11:33am

74.5 days which equals roughly 1788 hours.

That still seems incredibly long. Problem is DH won't kick her out now. PO is in place, she can't go to Mommy's as the judge put it in place, not at DH's request, but at his own discretion. PO does not go away/ expire when she turns 18 so unless BM gets off her a$$, takes a plea and gets this resolved, we are stuck until roughly May 24, 2013.

LRP75's picture

Submitted by LRP75 on Wed, 05/16/2012 - 5:48am

So where's the party??? Biggrin

Dude, you are living my hell. I used to think that I would love for the SKIDS to come live with us. That it would be a *chance* to really make a difference in their lives. I now realize they are just doomed. BM has already worked her magic on them. SD10 in particular. Ugg. Over here, we're trying to keep her off the pole. Over there, BM's treating a SD10 year old like she's 16. SD10 is one of those girls that CANNOT wait to be grown. She wants to wear the slutty clothes. She wants to wear the make-up. She wants to wear thong underwears and fancy bras already. She wants her hair streaked. She talks about getting her nosed pierced. She talks about tattoos (in particular, she wants one on her vagina). SD10 tells us how her sister (16) gets to stay out until 4am and has boyfriends. Yes, plural. Boyfriends. And yes, out until 4am.

F*ck. This child is f*cked. She is going to be on the hard, hard path in life. She is being taught that her vagina is her only power.