Dh wasn't married to BM but his first wife forbid him to have any contact with his child. So it was a big deal when I didn't get along well with the skids in the beginning.

He'd never had custody before, but we weren't married a week before BM went off the edge and we ended up with his daughter and her two siblings who aren't DHs. I was 23 at the time, trying to fill the role of mom to 11 and 12 year old girls and 15 year old boy. I had never wanted kids and it wasn't something I signed up for when I said I do. They were a mess. He expected me to fill the role of mother which I wasn't ready to do.

Unlike a lot of bioparents on here, he allowed me full parental decision and discipline privelages. It was just hard at first. When they upset me, I disengaged. One poster on here was accused of comitting emotional warfare when they disengaged. When I did, it was. I would completely ignore them when they were around, would look right past them like they didn't exist. It hurt them, bad. DH and I got into it plenty of times. He accused me of being immature. Hello, I was 23 trying to be a mom to kids old enough to be my siblings.

I don't know how,why or when it happened but I became the mother everyone wanted to be. Things were good until the younger SD, not DHs kid went wacko. We fought about sending her back until she broke into our gun cabinet and stole a knife that she then pulled on the babysitter. She got put on a plane 2 days later and now our family is nearly perfect. I don't care for SS too much but he will be gone soon

So what's the site? I'd love to read what some men think lol

A woman who does all the housework, makes homemade dinner everynight, a competant mother figure to their children (does all the motherly stuff, and the kids treat her like shes their mom) yet she is not the disciplanarian in all senses, allows said children to do whatever they wish whenever they want, and finally, a lady in the street but a freak in the bed?

My husband tells me every night that I am a wonderful wife and he is blessed to have me in his life. He thanks me for everything I do at least twice a day and praises me as the mother of our son.

I don't think it has anything to do with being his second wife. I know it has nothing to do with SD because I'm certainly not the ideal SM. I do the absolute bare minimum when it comes to her. That said, it could have something to do with the appreciation that, unlike his first wife, I'm

1) not crazy
2) actually work
3) respect him and his opinion
4) cook, clean and otherwise take care of our home
5) can have a conversation that doesn't include degrading every person I know
6) don't emasculate him publicly or privately
and
7) I'm way prettier (just sayin')

So... you mean what they (a good portion at least) actually want or what they should want?

What they SHOULD want in a second wife:
1. The 4 R's. A woman who is responsive, respectable, responsible, and reasonable.
2. Someone who can communicate and come to a compromise on the difficult issues together with him.
3. She should be fair, and have a good heart, but know when to put her foot down on things she sees as unjust, even if he's the one doing it.
4. She is loyal and faithful and conscientious about his feelings, as long as he is to her's.
5. Exists peacefully with his children (if he has any), doesn't have to love them, but at least be cordial. Bring issues to his attention that needs to be worked on with his kids, and think of a reasonable solution together.

What they actually want:
1. A woman who takes care of their needs at their every beck and call, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of them, and she should be happy to do so.
2. Never complains about him, always strokes his ego, witty banter when he feels like it, silence and comfort when he doesn't.
3. Loyal and faithful.
4. Loves his children as much as her own, excuses their behavior because she feels guilty for them too, allows herself to be abused, and be happy about it.