What counts as a FAMILY trip?
DH wants me and our kids to go on this summer trip that he has planned for the stepkids. It is to my home country and it's the stepkids' first time going there. DH has been working double time to save for it. But I am really bummed out about it. Here's why:
1. DH expects us to separate once we arrive - DH, SS and SD to go visit DH's family; me, DS and DD to visit my family.
2. Given this separation, it doesn't feel like a family trip to me (me without my husband, my kids without their father)
3. Since it'll be my FIRST family trip, I'm very reluctant to make these memories that I feel I'll look back upon with regret.
Would you go on a trip like this? Or would you just stay behind and do your own thing?
One thing is, our kids are still babies and I feel as if I need help travelling with both of them, DH isn't planning to be of any help to me, because he wants to show SS and SD around, because it's their first time travelling to this place and they have lots of people to meet. Me and our kids have already met many of these people.
My family would love to have us, of course, but it really won't be a complete family trip without DH. My kids and I lose out a lot in this damn family arrangement.
Just want to ADD: My kids have grandparents living in this country. Both sets of step-kids' grandparents are in our city here in the US.
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i call bullshit, how about
i call bullshit, how about spliting the difference, meeting up mid point and spending some real family time?
Nope, I wouldn't go. I'm not
Nope, I wouldn't go. I'm not sure why DH would want me to go if he's not even going to be with me.
Yup. My MIL carried DD once.
Yup. My MIL carried DD once. My mum carried DS once. DH has visited his family by himself, without kids. I have visited my family, by myself, without kids. We have never traveled as a family.
BM has never let DH take the stepkids to visit this place, until NOW.
It not my fault, or my
It not my fault, or my children's fault, that the step-kids haven't been to this place.
When I married DH, I insisted and he agreed that it would be a priority for our kids to visit there, especially to visit my family, and both our parents have helped make it possible.
I'm sure DH thinks he's doing me some kind of favor, by letting me visit my family, and of course I would love to see them. But if I have to go by myself with my kids, I can go at any time and it doesn't have to be at the same time as DH & his kids, so that they can claim we are having a "Family trip" that isn't really one.
Financially, it is a big
Financially, it is a big deal: but it's not a problem since we have put aside the money for everyone to take ONE trip, and kids under 2 fly for free. So if my kids and I travel at a different time, it really doesn't make a difference cost-wise. If fact, it might cost less, because DH and kids have to travel in peak season when school is out and we don't have those restrictions.
It's funny that you should mention the babies cramping the stepkids' schedule. Babies can sleep anywhere, even while on a hike uphill, at the beach, while visiting relatives etc. The only place that babies really can't go is the cinema. There is nothing stopping all of us as a family being in the same place to show stepkids the country.
The babies move to suit the stepkids' schedule almost every single weekend. Their schedules get thrown off on a regular basis, due to DH's and BM's and stepkids' plans. Why would a vacation trip be any different?
It just sucks that DH isn't "wild with excitement" to be going with his wife and all his kids - just because I'm the second wife with the second set of kids. KWIM?
I am used to roughing it with
I am used to roughing it with the babies, can change a diaper anywhere, feed a baby anywhere, anytime. DH had me drag a 6month old out to 4th of July Firework Celebrations already, so that we could experience it as a Family.
If DH doesn't want us around because we'll cramp their schedule, then that's news to me. They're going to the beach, going to visit family, going sight seeing - all things we've done with babies in tow already.
The resentment is to the fact that DH does not automatically include us with HIM. He thinks of me and our kids as separate. Why? Why isn't he "wild with excitement" about having ALL his kids and his Wife with him? Especially since it will be OUR FIRST trip, if we go all-together.
I wouldn't want to leave the stepkids out of this trip. DH and I have sacrificed a lot to make this happen. And I hope that this trip will help to broaden the minds of these overly sheltered kids. They ask questions like, "Do they have TV and internet there?", even as they see me Skyping with my mom. Seriously, they need to learn about the world they live in and understand how very privileged they are.
Not an ideal trip, but I
Not an ideal trip, but I wouldn't stay behind.
How old are the kids involved? If there's a big age difference, I can understand wanting to take the older kids to see the sights while the younger ones stay behind.
Can you spilt the time between the two families.
They are 14, 12, 2 and 1. I
They are 14, 12, 2 and 1.
I have a 15 year difference between me and my youngest brother, but I cannot remember my parents leaving him out of a "Family trip".
He's not leaving the younger
He's not leaving the younger kids out. The younger kids will not be interested in doing the things the older kids will want to do.
Instead of staying in different homes, split the time between both families
Use the time spent with husband's family to focus on the older kids~ touring the sights and doing preteen-teen stuff.
Use the time with your family to focus on the younger kids.
The man has no idea if his older kids will be allowed to return while minors. You both know the younger kids will return.
If DH dies next year, I would
If DH dies next year, I would be mad as hell if the stepkids have pics with him in this country and me and our kids don't. No one knows anything for sure.
I still say a family trip is
I still say a family trip is a family trip and not to separate trips! The kids he has with sm are just as much his kids as his kids with his ex! No difference they are all his kids and he should treat them accordingly!
This is bull shit that he wants to split up and not experience this with all his kids together or even not experience with just some of his kids. It is wrong wrong wrong!
Well I beg to differ. My
Well I beg to differ. My parents took me many places when I was a kid and there are lots of pictures with stories to tell. The kids may not remember but the parents do. And these "memories" would not have been the same if the kids didn't go.
So am I, as a parent, not entitled to have those memories? "Family memories" meaning that my husband and my kids' father is present with us.
Babies enjoy the beach, they enjoy meeting people, they can experience new foods, they enjoy everything because it's all so new to them. The people that stepkids will meet are my kids' family too.
That's a split vacation. It
That's a split vacation. It sounds like DH wants to go with his kids and is bring his wife to keep from getting in trouble or looking like a jackass.
Nope a 'family' trip is a
Nope a 'family' trip is a FAMILY trip! there is NO reason so split up! I don't care that who has been before or not it is a family trip and should be treated as such!
Actually, I always enjoyed
Actually, I always enjoyed visiting my parents with my daughter without my ex-husband (her father). He was always bored with what we wanted to do anyway, and I could have a much more relaxing time without him, and my parents got to enjoy their grand daughter.
But I would tell your DH to please not call this a family trip, because if it was a family trip, you would all stay together. And that he still owes you the family trip without steps.
My BF wants me to go on a trip with his daughte3rs (18 and 23), for 5 days. I'm hoping it falls through, so I don't have to say NO. I think everyone would be happier if he just went with them...afterall it might be the last trip they take together.
Has he lost his mind? No
Has he lost his mind? No way. Sorry, he's a divorced daddy...boo hoo hoo...you and your kids, if they are HIS kids as well, deserve to spend as much time with him as his two other kids. Sorry, I think he is out of line. Honestly, I'd tell him to f@#$#45 off if my DH came up with some BS like that, ie. he handles his kid and I go alone to places with OUR kid.