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at what age do kids understand "steps"?

young_step_mom's picture

Submitted by young_step_mom on Tue, 05/01/2012 - 11:17pm

SS is about to be 5 and I am just wondering when kids start to understand what step families/step parents are?

DH and I have been together since SS was 1.5 and I don't think he remembers his life before DH and I were together. He knows I am his dad's wife but I don't know if he understands we are (or at least supposed to be) a family and that at some point DH and I will have kids and I will be the mom in our home. Vice versa with his BM and SD. BM and both of her sisters have kids and have no relationships with the fathers, and up until she got married a few months ago they all lived together with BMs mother, so all SS knows is moms live with the kids and dads live in their homes.

Or is this all moot and SS does understand already?

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young-sm-to-be's picture

Submitted by young-sm-to-be on Wed, 05/02/2012 - 5:35am

I think it largely depends on the context in which they were raised. My ss4 (going on 5) and I just talked about this the other week because he wanted to know how I could have 2 moms and 2 dads (my parents divorced and remarried) I explained that my mom and dad had me and my sister and then they didn't get along anymore, so they found new people, got married and now I have a mom and stepmom, dad and stepdad. He thought on this and finally said, "you're like me! I have mom and J, and daddy and you!" Quite surprising to me actually, because before I came into the picture, FDH was married (not to BM, they were never married) but ss doesn't refer to previous wife as SM. He has differs terms for me too, "bonus mom" or my nickname usually. If you were to explain to your ss something similar if the topic came up, I'm sure he'd understand. Especially considering how common it is in most areas these days to have SM's. He might even already "get it" even if his term for you isn't SM.