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alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 9:27am

Hi,

Been a while since I've been on here. I've had a lot going on with work, house projects, and pregnancy.

Newsflash

SD16 has a boyfriend. YES! Means she actually wants to go out with other teens instead of suck attention and money out of daddy every weekend.
I don't expect it to last as she is emotionally high maintenance, but it gives us a break.

SS13 has had "the talk" with BM stating he wants to come live with us for high school. He still has another year of school to go, so anything can happen. In all probability it will happen though.

I still disengage, but I have lightened my disengagement some. SO is beside himself yet again. He bragged to me for 2 weeks about SD bringing her 3rd quarter grades from a D to a high B only to get 4th quarter progress report of F. During the 2 weeks of success he even talked of buying her a used car. I wonder why she does so little. She gets rewarded for the slightest effort.

I just couldn't bite my lip and told him. You shouldn't be surprised, she cannot maintain. Then I went on with the standard, I'm sorry you must be so frustrated...
We also had a long discussion about the fact that she is lazy, has always had it easy (coddled) and been the center of attention and these things drive her personality. I treaded carefully. The part that always burns is that he knows these things but doesn't change his own behaviors that contribute to it. Again, why I stay disengaged in regards to SD. I will say little again and remain distant. Something is afoot with the boyfriend, new set of friends, and her grades going back down. I will tell you that he was so angry, he told BM to keep SD last weekend. He was concerned he would lash out at her and he didn't think it would be a good thing.

Pregnancy is going well except the back pain, but remedying that with exercise.

I have a lot of internet social catching up to do now!

Comments

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 9:07pm

I agree, but I have already accepted what is likely inevitable. SD will end up like BM, pregnant early on. I'm sure it will happen in the next two years or just after high school. I figured out, after she spent a short full time stent in our home, she will not be attending college. She is too lazy.

I will never make that my problem and no she won't be in my house ever with that. I did make mention to SO when he told me that SD had a boyfriend "Well, BM knows what its like to be pregnant before you're ready. Hopefully, she'll get SD on birth control if things progress"
I left it alone after that. SO can't handle that she's 16 and not 2, let alone that she might start having sex.

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 10:28am

Welcome back AA, I've been wondering what you've been up to and how things are going (both with the beebee and the SK's). Glad to know you're doing well!

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 9:08pm

Thank you. To both you and Mazzy-- Its amazing what letting go and disengagement does. I'm in such a better place now. SO is sometimes beside himself with the fact that he is on his own with the skids a lot. I found that he runs them around a lot less nowadays.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:30pm

Glad all is going well, was actually just thinking of you the other day and wondering why we haven't seen you around. Guess that's a good thing!!

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 9:11pm

Oh yes. I have a feeling SD will move quickly too. She needs attention and I think with all her "tough talk" she really wants to just be like all her friends (who are all with boyfriends and having sex).

I made mention to SO that hopefully BM will take notice and put her on BC. I didn't say much more. I don't think HE could handle it. He wasn't happy with the thought of her having another male around to take her attention.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 9:14pm

I used to have these talks all the time with SO. Then I'd just end up frustrated that all the realistic and harsh things he said melted away when he'd see her. He'd just go right back to "Do you want dad to get that for you?" or go on with the "I just love you and don't want you to make the wrong decisions". He softens too much. Way too much.

So I had to deflect and remove myself from those conversations about SD. Its just not possible to hear someone talk so strongly about something, then act the exact opposite later. I get way less pissed off now. What is great is that little by little, that direct dealing with her is making him more and more frustrated. He isn't coming down on her, but he isn't as cutesy with her as he was either.