I commented on another blog not too long ago that if I talked about my DD10 and the problems I'm having w/ her right now, she would remind you guys of your skids. I know this is not step-related and I appologize, but I am seriously at my breaking point with this kid. I'm ready to fucking strangle her. My dd has been acting out a lot since right before my DH deployed, though it has calmed down significantly in the past week. We are still having episodes, though, like when 3 days ago she screamed in the baby's ear to "make her feel better." Literally, she was right at the baby's ear and screamed the most ear-splitting, high pitched scream you could imagine to my baby DD who just finished amoxicillan (sp?) for an ear infection. I will admit that I lost it and punished her in anger. I am truly at my wits end with this child and don't know what to do. She has pulled the wool over her therapist's eyes who believes that I am over-demanding which causes her anxiety which leads to her acting, well, like a fucking retard. I try to be calm when I talk to her even when I am absolutely seething inside with rage (as per the therapist's suggestion) with no improvement (in the past, I would lower my tone and raise my volume to let her know I meant business; this is apparently too intimidating and causes anxiety). What's worse is that since she started seeing this lady, her behavior has gotten worse since now she uses everything this woman says as a crutch to misbehave.

Examples:

When I tell DD to do something, I often give her steps if I know she won't be able to figure it out herself. This means I give her steps for most things because she can't figure out that if she's carying a box that requires her to carry it with two hands and she also needs to open a door, that she needs to 1) put the box down, 2) open the door, 3) pick up the box and walk through the door, 4) put the box down, 5) close the door, and 6) pick the box back up and continue on her way.

I can't remember the exact sequence I gave to the therapist, but it was something along these lines. When I was done, the Educated Idiot looked at me and in all seriousness told me that that was too much to expect a 10 year old to remember. EI went on to explain that I should stop at 3 and once those three were accomplished to give another 3 and so on until the entire task was accomplished.

Now, anytime I try to give my daughter a task that may require more than three steps, she will actually stop me at 3 to "remind" me that all she can remember is 3. *HOWEVER* she can recite entire episodes of some of her favorite shows. Well, actually, she doesn't do that any more since I brought out mr. paddle and explained that she would do it, ALL OF IT, or she would be getting 3 licks.

EI felt DD10 had too much responsibility on her shoulders in terms of homework (she realistically has about 45 min worth of hw each day if she would just do it, but she stretches it out for *HOURS*) and chores (feed the cats in the morning, pick up behind yourself in the morning, take out the trash occasionally, scoop the kitty box twice a week, and do her laundry [all 2 whole loads of it] on the weekend), and told me her only "chore" should be to be a kid.

I always thought chores helped a kid develop a sense or responsibility, but apparently not. DD10's chores shrank to just picking up after herself in the morning and her laundry (I refuse to start doing her laundry again - long story). However, I still occasionally need help here and there around the house. For a good little while, I would get, "Nuh-uh, EI said that's your job; *YOU'RE* the mom." Again, the attitude was solved w/ mr. paddle.

Anyway, one of our biggest issues lately has been her pulling her hair out. She looks like she has the mange or alopecia, but anyone who spends any amount of time with her knows she pulls it out - never in my presence, mind you. No, she pulls it out at school and at night after she goes to bed. Her excuse was that she had such high feelings of anxiety, the she would pull her hair out and the sensation of the pull would help ease her immediate feelings of anxiety, but it's only temporary, so she has to keep pulling to help manage her anxiety (this is re-worded by the EI). So, about 2 or 3 weeks ago, she had a choir concert where there were several smaller groups from the choir that performed seperately from the whole - about 6 in a row - and she wasn't in any of them. She was obviously bored while waiting, and at first, while the other groups were performing, she was playing w/ her hands and fingers, but by the 2nd song in she started PULLING HER FUCKING HAIR OUT!! ON STAGE!! Call me strange, but I feel like walking around with a kid who looks like a stray dog reflects poorly on me as a parent. Anyway, it was quite clear to anyone watching that she was not doing out of anxiety, but out of I-have-nothing-better-to-play-with-so-I'm-gonna-pull-my-hair-out-and-play-with-that. I sat there and watched her pull out over 30 strands of hair (I stopped counting after that), place them in a pile on the stage floor right in front of her and proceed to play with her new pile of hair toy. When she realized that the last group was singing, she pushed the toy aside and looked up - at which point she finally saw me giving her the stare of death. Yes, she was disciplined and has continued to be disciplined every time I've noticed new spots showing up since then as I now know it has nothing to do with anxiety, frustration, or anything else she was claiming. The most recent incident was just this past saturday as we were driving down the road, I happened to glance at her in my rear-view mirror and saw her again pulling her hair out.

I have absolutely had it. This weekend she is getting it cut - SHORT! I'm going to take her in for a pixie (kinda like this one http://www.haircutshairstyles.com/kids_hairstyles_short_cuts_for_girls-3... but I'm going to ask them to go shorter) and fuck her! She told me a few months ago that she wants to have long, pretty hair again and that short hair looks baby-ish. I told her today that I can't take this crap anymore, and I'm going to have it cut too short for her to pull it out. When she got upset, what I didn't say was, "You don't like it? Fucking fantastic! I hope you fucking hate it. I hope the kids at school notice even more now and tease you for it. I hope it makes you feel every god damn bit as frustrated, upset, and unhappy as you've been making me feel." I didn't say it, but oh God, I really wanted to.

Oh, and the end all be all to it? I told the EI about what I saw and how I'm absolutely sure that she's been lying about why she does it to avoid punishment. Know what the EI said? "Well, I take issue with that. Have you ever been in choir? It can be really nerve racking to be u p on stage like that in frot of all those people." Um, yeah, I was and yeah, it can . . . but not every one is the same and being the absolute center of everyone's attention has *NEVER* bothered my child.

Again, I'm sorry b/c I know this is a step site and this is not a step issue, but I really don't have anyone else to vent to and really needed to vent to someone.