Don't sweat it. Your SD is an adult. She knows when your DH's bday is and is perfectly capable of contacting you to inquire about plans (and how to assist in those plans) and/or making her own arrangements to celebrate with DH. I have very similar issues with my SD. She didn't bother to contact my DH on his birthday and I don't feel any need to contact her about our plans either. She isn't allowed in my house either, but as an adult she is responsible for her relationship with DH, it is not my job to facilitate that relationship.

The two middle skids aren't welcome in my home, but I set that aside for Holidays or special occasions (with the stipulation that they may NOT stay the night). SO's birthday was last week. We had SS14 for the week. Oldest SD, her fiance and baby live next door. I planned a birthday dinner at home, with them invited, and told him he could ask the other two if he wished. I set a time and told him that I did not want them to come before that, and reminded him that they would need to leave at a decent hour.

If it were up to me, I'd have not wanted them. But it's his birthday, and his children.

Nope, I don't think it's bad at all. As a matter of fact, I am throwing a surprise baby shower for my sil and I don't want SD there, but of course I want DD there. I am going to try my hardest to tell SD shell be bored and she doesn't have to come.

I sure wouldn't invite my SD26, especially if DH didn't mention anything about it.