My boyfriends daughter drives me crazy - I need advice!
I'm really trying to do all I can to be nice to my boyfriends daughter- I met her 7 months ago after her dad and I were dating for a while, and from the beginning I knew how bratty and difficult she was, however I just tried to look it over and not let it get to me. A few examples: she's just really picky, doesn't like anything, doesn't like to do anything, she mysteriously never feels good, although this is only when we say we want to take her out - so this means we end up staying indoors all the time with her b/c she "sick", she's also rude at times and rolls her eyes at half the things I say... she's even made me cry before by saying something rude and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom so I could cry and she wouldn't see me! All this said, I have always "played nice" and never let her see that I'm frustrated or upset. Even though I'm not a big fan of hers, she actually does like me as she tells her mom and her dad how nice I am....
However now it's been 7 months of me "being nice" and finally today I was a bit feisty back with her. Her dad could see I was being sarcastic a bit and he was motioning for me to hush up. Later in the evening he pulled me aside and asked me to try and be more patient with her. He said that if she starts to think I'm mean then she'll tell her mother and that this would not be good for our relationship since it would cause unnecessary drama. You see, as of right now I have a good clean slate with the kids and ex-wife.... and my boyfriend basically is telling me to just deal with her bratty ways and be patient. He is right, but to what extent do I not take it anymore.
Do I just keep my mouth shut when I know she is in the wrong, or do I stick up for myself so that she can see I'm not a push-over?
Any input out there? I'd really appreciate some feedback! :O
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Comments
How old is your sd and how
How old is your sd and how long since her bio parents split? That will make a big difference in my advice.
She is 11 years old. Her
She is 11 years old. Her parents have been split for 2 years and I didn't meet her until they had been split for a year and half or so...
A few things- 1)preteens,
A few things-
1)preteens, especially girls, under the best of circumstances can be BRATS. That you cannot take personally
2) That does not mean such behavior should be tolerated. Ideally your db will put his foot down- regardless if you two are dating, you are a stranger, etc.- all adults should be treated with respect. There should be no rude comments or eye rolling without consequences. Seriously, even just for his sake- if he doesn't nip it in the bud it will just get worse. If you do not have the support of your bf on this though, I'd move on- because if he doesn't parent her, it will get a LOT worse.
3) I suggest he talks alone to his daughter just to make sure there aren't any deeper issues. Let it be her time to discuss it with her dad, but at the end- they both need to let it go and that is the end of it.
4) As far as not wanting to leave the house, have you guys asked her about things she would like to do? Again, this is pretty normal for preteens- they have no idea what they want 1/2 the time.
5) You two need to do things on your own, especially if she is being difficult. Go out for a couple hours just you two. Not everytime does sd need to go or should go. It's wonderful you guys do things with her and that should continue, but make time for your relationship as well.
Thank you for advice- I
Thank you for advice- I really appreciate it. i do need to realize that she is a pre-teen and that is a really tough age. It's just so hard to want to be around her when all I know she is going to do is be bratty. But yes, we do take time for our relationship and when she doesnt' want to go anywhere or do anything, this is when I take the time to do my own thing usually.
I understand. SS13 launched
I understand. SS13 launched into a bratty, moody teenager overnight. I've wanted to kill him the last 2 months.
I got the mouthy has to get
I got the mouthy has to get the last word, and always is right teen at 12 from my bioD, luckily I'm on her all the time that it won't fly with me (though I know where she gets it I think it's genetic on my side of the family lol) If my kids don't want to go do something I have planned and want to do, and there is no alternative (mine are now old enough to stay home alone) they would of had to go anyway. They aren't in charge.
I don't think you should let
I don't think you should let up. If you do, you are giving her a green light to treat you like crap.
However, you have to decide if demanding respect from SD is worth losing your BF over. For me that will always be a big fat YES.
Chelsea, this is the
Chelsea, this is the immediate outcome of his stupid priority list-here we go- his daughter is behaving badly and he is telling YOU off for reacting to it.
He created a very wrong world here- a place where children are number 1 and partners behind.He needs to understand that and put things into balance if he wants a serious rs with you.