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I can't take it anymore...

MamaRed's picture

Submitted by MamaRed on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 1:23pm

Ok so I got married in October and my husband has an 8-year old daughter(soon to be 9 in 2 weeks). Primary custody was given to her POS mother and we get her every other weekend starting on Thursday. So 8 days per month plus extra holidays and such.

So just a little while ago my husband and his daughter left to go meet his mother (don't get me started on her) and I started doing some cleaning around the house. I went into her room and it smelled like pee. So I fold her comforter back and the sheets are wet with pee. I picked up her dirty clothes basket and saw her pee-soaked jeans. I called my husband and told him to ask her if she peed in the bed and of course she lied because she is a liar. We make her wear a diaper when she is here because she pees in the bed every night but obviously she fell asleep in her jeans, peed in them and in the bed, took them off, put on a diaper and got back into the pee-soaked bed and THEN woke up in the morning and put the diaper back in the drawer because she didn't pee in it AND folded her comforter over her pee-soaked sheets!!!!! And THEN LIED ABOUT IT!!!! And now as a reward for doing all of this her grandmother is taking her to a movie!

This child lives with a dirty, nasty, stupid POS most of the time. Her mother pawns her off on other people and doesn't teach her any discipline. She spends the $600/month child support we send her on God knows what while we are getting notes from the teacher at school that my SD never has lunch money or snacks. When she first got custody this POS was living at home with her mother, worked 1 day per week and was dating a guy in jail. And the F*!#king state of Alabama thinks this child is better off with her instead of us!!!! WE HAVE THE STABLE HOME!!!!

Then when my SD comes over here, my husband's mother takes her out and buys her a bunch of crap and spoils her rotten. The child is the most unappreciative, ungrateful little brat when she is over here because she knows she's gonna get a bunch of crap she doesn't need. I mean i feel bad for her when she is with her POS mother because she doesn't really take care of her the way she is supposed to but she is NOT grateful towards us....the people who actually care about her.

I mean, what is going on with her that she is sleeping on a pee-soaked bed instead of telling someone she peed in it? And putting a used diaper back in the drawer? And having this retarded blank stare when you talk to her? And having a smart-ass attitude all the time? I've even woke up to this child standing over my bed staring at me. There is something wrong with her and nobody sees it but me. When I try to say something, they (husband and MIL just go buy her some more toys). I CANT TAKE IT MUCH LONGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comments

MamaRed's picture

Submitted by MamaRed on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 1:41pm

I've tried everything to get her to stop peeing. And nobody in this family will take her to the doctor for the peeing problem.

And yeah...i should probably start locking the door. She walks in on me when i'm in the bathroom too...

I dont reward bad behavior neither but everyone else in this family does. They think she is so deprived....cry me a river. I make her do chores and respond yes/no ma'am/sir when she is asked a question. I catch hell for staying on her ass but i don't care. I pay bills around here and I help pay her child support....and I'm not putting up with disrespectful and disturbing behavior.

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 2:06pm

Bedwetting at this age is usually linked back to something emotional. Making a huge deal of it could backfire. You might do some research on it.

There is also a chemical that your body makes that slows down your organs slow down. She may not have the chemical.

alwayssecond11's picture

Submitted by alwayssecond11 on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 2:37pm

I don't reward bad behavior either! Good for you!! I'm in a similar boat. My SS4 is potty trained but still totally soaks a diaper at night. I know some of this is typle 4 year old behavior, but my concern is that he goes to the bathroom like 50x a day. When he goes it's not much. I've told my DH and MIL about this and voiced the concern of some kind of an infection or blockage or whatever. DH thinks it's no big deal, tells me I'm over reacting and doesn't call the doctor or BM to call doctor. MIL agrees with DH.
My SS6 and SS4 both are terribly behaved, more so then any 4 or 6 year old are. They are held accountable for their behavior whether they like it or not. It had been very hard for my DH to accept these changes and follow them himself. It's hard for both of us in general because BM lets them do whatever they want as does MIL. Both BM and MIL shower them with gifts and treat on a regular basis regardless of behavior. I have had to resort to leaving notes for my MIL when she come to the house to watch the Skids as to what they are allowed and not allowed. I don't think she follows it half the time. When telling DH about mother he says, "what are we going to do? I've told her. We have no one else to watch them. It's only for another year." I'm sure the reason they ask to go to mom's or gram's is because they know they will be able to do, say, and get what ever they want when they want it. No consiquences.
BM tries to get my DH to pay for extra stuff too, even though we have primary custody and she should be giving us money.
Good Luck, stand your ground, and don't let anyone telling you you are wrong!

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 3:39pm

The main problem are her parents. They should be taking her to the doctor to get to the bottom of the bedwetting. I hope she has not been sexually abused.

I think you need to disengage. Let DH do everything for her. This will hopefully make him open his eyes up to the fact that SD needs professional help.

You should google "signs of sexual abuse in girls." See if SD matches any of the criteria. If she does, a discussion with DH is in order.

Also in order is a call to CPS to report BM, even if SD hasn't been sexually abused. At the very least, the conditions there don't sound suitable for any human or creature to live in. Give them all the documentation on her that you can. You can make an anonymous call.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Submitted by oncechoosetosmile on Sun, 03/11/2012 - 3:09am

I feel bad for SD not being looked after, I understand that the peeing is disgusting , that would annoy me totally, too,but I think there is more troubling her than seen on the surface.They should take her to the doctor!!!!!!

mella's picture

Submitted by mella on Mon, 03/12/2012 - 10:58am

I am sorry you are having such a tough time, that sounds really awful. So obnoxious that she lies about something that is a cold hard fact! What is the point of that?

My two cents - get her evaluated by a doctor ASAP and bring up the possibility of constipation being a trigger for the bedwetting. Apparently it's a VERY common cause and it's often misdiagnosed. There was an article recently on Slate about it, written by a pediatric urologist:

www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2012/03/bed_wetting_the_simple_cause_...

amy123's picture

Submitted by amy123 on Wed, 04/25/2012 - 1:57am

Honestly, you sound very resentful of this girl. My first thought is why ask her? Its obvious that she had an accident. She was embarassed and didn't want you to find out. She knew it was inevidable but hoped that by the time you discovered the peed bed, she'd be gone and you'd have time to cool off about it. As for what is the point in lying about it, well I can suggest a few points.

My other question is why diapers? There are protective underwear for this sort of thing, but a diaper is degrading and in all honestly, she doesn't trust you. Why should she? She knows you are going to freak when you realize she peed her pants, and she was right. I'm not saying that its fair, but its the cards that are on her table.

Bedwetting is completely not her fault. Why are you angry with her? Because she peed in her bed which in all likely hood wasn't her fault? Becasue she didn't make sure and have a "diaper" on before she fell asleep? Diapers are degrading so I cant say I blame her and perhaps she didn't intend to fall asleep yet and she just crashed? Because she lied about it? Gee, you think? Look at your response to it... what did you expect her to say? And then you label her as a "liar". I'm not trying to be mean, but look at it from her perspective. In her world, denying it is the only hope she has. For her dad to say to her "did you pee your bed?" is embarassing and its far easier for her to say "no" than to say "yes" and she'd rather pretend it didn't happen. And there's you on the other end of the phone flipping out about it. Truthfully, think about it this way. Pretend that she came to you and said to you "I peed my bed" (which is hard for her to do because it means acknowleging something that is embarassing and taking a risk with how you handle it). What would your response have been? Would you have calmly taken her by the hand, told her its okay and asked her to clean it up? Probably not. I dont know you, but by the sounds of how you feel about this girl, I wonder if you would have yelled at her, gotten angry that she didn't put on a diaper before bed, etc etc?

I really really dont mean to sound judgemental but moreso think you need to take a deep breath and see it from her point of view. She's a kid. Kids dont always tell the truth (heck, neither do adults) and if its easier for them to lie, they will often go that route. I never ask obvious questions because all it does is give them the opportunity to lie, which simply makes me more frustrated. It doesn't make her a horrible kid. Wetting her bed doesn't make her a horrible kid either. And how DARE she try and hide it? Kids will hide anything if they think they're going to be in trouble. Punishing kids doesn't work for that exact reason. We only do it to make ourselves feel better.

I'm sorry your in this position. Amy