Why am I not surprised?
So what happened last night?
Exactly what I thought was going to happen! Nothing! SO promised me multiple times via text that she was going to take care of things. Well when I got home form the gym she had just got off the phone with her and ex and guess what???? She does not want to process with the punishment! Imagine that! I guess the ex's feelings are more important that mine. I feel like throwing in the towel, giving them the house and just moving on.
I woke up so pissed off this morning, I just said by to SO, no I love you or kiss like we usually do.
I am tired of the broken promises and just getting lip service.
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I can't remember the last
I can't remember the last time SO and I kissed each other goodbye...no wait, it was the day before he got the call CPS took the skids from BM and they would place them with us.
These guilty daddies who
These guilty daddies who place themselves at the mercy of the golden uteri will never be able to accept or proceed with a new relationship as far as I'm concerned. It is an exercise in futility. Time to plan one's exit!!
I have learned to accept that
I have learned to accept that things will never change. We have a counseling appt on Wednesday and all I expect is for her to tell the counsler or me what I want to hear and never follow through.
I hate to say it but I have started to emotionally shut down on a woman that I love and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Yes her kids will be gone in 5 months, why should I tip toe around my own house? Why should I feel uncomfortable in my own house?
I am about to go in there like a frickin tornado and let the debris fall where it may.
Yes exactly! That things fall
Yes exactly! That things fall where they may and start owning your home again. I did it. I became less worried about the fall out. If they want to be selfish, so will I. If you want to be a jerk, go away I have no time for you. If you want to yell at me in front of the skids, you'll get it right back! I'm done with the "this is how you are supposed to parent". If we were going to play THAT game, then things would be different right now.
Try to really disengage from the skids for a bit. Try to just let go of whatever she does with the skids. Again, focus on you and what they do to you and your daughter. Leave the rest to mom. Its so so hard. I've been there. Once I emotionally detached from what SO did with his skids, I felt so much better.
and guilty mommies
and guilty mommies
That's a nice thought but in
That's a nice thought but in reality, you can't love someone you don't respect or trust. And in my book (and lots of other people's books) the respect goes down the drain the moment you see the "love of your life" kiss his or her child's netherquarters and make said child an equal or superior to one's partner and him/herself.
There are no plans nor will
There are no plans nor will there ever be another child come out of my loins lol. We have both discussed that and both of us are done.
I am starting not to respect her due to her inability to keep her word. Plus it is very hurtful that she tells me one thing then talks to her ex and changes her mind. It is very telling that she values his opinion over mine.
Not sure if this helps or is
Not sure if this helps or is even a correct way to think, but...
I've compartmentalized things a lot. As a parent, I don't respect or trust SO's judgement with the skids. He's focused too much on guilt and indulging them. As other roles in his life I do respect him. Once I've categorized it, I know what I'm dealing with.
Your SO is just weak with her skids. If I remember right, her ex dominated decisions about their children too over her, so yeah she's going to continue that. SO did that for a while with BM. Would just go along with whatever she did or put up with her nonsense. then I called him a p*ssy. He straightened up a lot with that one.
SS18 is going off to college
SS18 is going off to college and SD15 is moving in with her dad.
RIGHT! As soon as college
RIGHT! As soon as college gets too haaaaaaaarrrrrrrdddd; namely when they require more than just writing your name at the top of the page, he'll flunk out, drop out and return to mommykins.
And if biodad starts making any house rules, the 15 year old will be back at your door a'knocking away!!
I have told my SO this many
I have told my SO this many times. I really have low expectations that he will stay. I have stated that the day he moves out is the day I tear down his room and turn it into my man cave.
SD is way too stubborn to come back.
Right there with you. I've
Right there with you. I've came to a point of learned helplessness with SO. It was always say one thing do another. I finally started predicting the opposite. That's when I told myself that I will no longer let myself feel like things are happening to me, I will make them happen and screw what they think. They need to work around ME for a while. I gave and gave and got nothing in return. No closeness, no respect-- SS actually isn't that bad though. It was mainly SD, her antics and her father's response to her.
One day I just decided that is it. I'm done with all of the bullshit. Started focusing on me, and really everything started coming together. We are not a family, SO deals mainly with his children and their issues. I no longer help with homework, occasionally I'll drop SS off at the gym. All of this disengagement for me has really helped me. I know a lot of people think its sad, its not to me though. Its freeing. I can't get mad at SO for anything because I don't expect anything of him in regards to his children anymore. He can't make empty promises to me because if I have a problem, I just deal with it directly with the skid. We fight way less than we used to. I live my life and sometimes we parallel as skids, dad and girlfriend, mostly we don't. That's ok. SO's frustrations in being tied down, tired, and run ragged can no longer be taken out on me because I'm not there to be the target. If I say nothing about the skids, I cannot be blamed for anything. If I leave SD alone, she can't lash out because she's moody about something else.
Sorry I went on this rant. I guess all I wanted to say was the more distance you create sometimes, the less frustration there is.
Thank you and I agree. This
Thank you and I agree. This is the first stage of my disengaging. i do not speak to anyone other than SO in the house. It is not easy cause I very much wanted to be a family.
I told her just now in text that this is my fault due to having expectations. And now that those expectations cannot be met I will deal with things in the house and correct them on the spot and deal with the fallout later.
I'm glad your DH lets you
I'm glad your DH lets you deal directly with the skids. I guess that's a cap in your feather. As for GG, he's made it totally clear that he will not parent and I will not be allowed to defend myself against any of their onslaughts. He will not allow me to deal directly with HIS kids b/c they are NONE OF MY BUSINESS even though they may be personally invading my space, crossing my boundaries, etc. I'm to just sit back and let them abuse and disrepect me while he looks on approvingly.
Not so much. Exit plan proceeds.
I just told DW that I am
I just told DW that I am taking a stance and taking my house and power back. i will not feed, clean or participate in anything when it deals with her kids. If they are doing something they are not supposed to then I will deal with it in my own way and let the fallout occur where it may.
I have become something that I always hated. A meek little man who tip toes around the house. I'm a big guy who was in the military and always played sports. Hell I am in a power position at work and in my own house I have no say.
Well no longer! I told her to let them know that I am coming in like a frickin tornado and if they don't like it don't let the door hit them in the ass on the way out.
If her kids do leave, you may
If her kids do leave, you may trade one set of problems for a new set.
Once her daughter is gone, she may start to resent your daughter.
This is why I'm glad that my
This is why I'm glad that my Skids were 8 and 1 month old when I met my DH. In the last 11 years I have been able to "mold" the Skids AND DH into pretty much what I want. Not perfect by any means, but things are pretty darn good compared to what they were let's say, 6 years ago. How long have you been with your SO? I feel bad that you're struggling with this. Some times women don't realize how lucky they are to find a good partner who is willing to take on the baggage. (Same goes for men, they have NO CLUE how lucky they are when women are willing to deal with their baggage) Hope you can find some resolution.