Cruel irony
Well, judging from emails between Ss and a girl, Ss now has a friend. Its more like her asking him to hangout over the weekend and him saying ok. I should be screaming for joy right? Except the girl is bad news. Her useless mom has alcohol available in the house that the daughter gets into. She is one of those rich, cool moms. Even social services came in and gave the mom a warning. And we have struggled with Ss getting into alcohol. I have seen this girl smoking and hanging out with boys much older than her at the mall. And the girl has a reputation, let me put it that way.
So now we don't know what to do. If this was one of my other kids, I would have said there was no way in hell they can be around her. But with Ss it is a whole other situation. And I can only imagine what Ss will say if we tell him to stop hanging out with her.
Yes Ss, I know you wanted friends for a long time but now that you have one, please stay away from her. That is how its going to sound like to him. What do you guys think? What should we do?
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With his history, I don't
With his history, I don't think he's ready to "hang out" with friends unsupervised. I'd suggest that he and his friend hang out at your house.
Oh yes, our house or backyard
Oh yes, our house or backyard is the only option. But we don't want him around that girl in general. And they are in the same school.. Just can't catch a break
Who knows, they might be good
Who knows, they might be good for each other. She sounds slightly damaged by her upbringing, as well. Maybe they'll be able to relate better than "good" kids?
I guess..But the smoking and
I guess..But the smoking and access to alcohol is what is worrying me. Ss has hidden alcohol in his room before. And I know he would not hesitate to do it again. May we can search her before she comes over. And doesn't it mean eventually he should go over to her house too?
I'd not let him go over to
I'd not let him go over to her house without a talk to her mother first, to make sure that they are being supervised and not left there alone.
This is definitely something you should talk to his counsellor about.
You are right. Now we are
You are right. Now we are waiting to see if Ss will tell us about this himself.(we have access to his email).
That is a tough one!!! I know
That is a tough one!!! I know the relationship I have with my ss I could say what is on my mind and explain why I do not agree - but I also know how I was as a kid and if my mom, dad, SD or anyone told me not to hang out with the "bad" kids it made me want to do it more.
I guess the question you need
I guess the question you need to ask yourself is Is it better for him to not have a social life or to have a social life that involves drinking, sex and drugs? Are these kids users and if so, will they use him? If they do, will his self-esteem suffer? Will he give into peer pressure and go down a road you dont want him to travel? Can you control who he interacts with at this point? Do you want to? Is he mature enough to make mistakes related to sex, drugs, and alcohol and then learn from them? Does he need to be sheltered from these things?