When I have problems with my SS11 and BM I usually try and see if my decision is something conveniant to me or if it is in fact the right thing to do. I have the priviledge of being both a BM and a Stepmom. I wear both shoes, so when I feel that maybe I am being unreasonable about BM I analyze if I do her actions as a BM and do I think I am right when I do it?

1. BM feels that if my SS11 joins a sport my DH should pay half or buy supplies. DH pays Child Support, so I think she is 100% wrong it's her choice to enroll him in the activity not my DH. That is what CS is for. Looking back as the BM any decision I took for my BS14 like enrolling him in Film Schoo for the summer was my option. I didn't go to my son's father and say give me 1/2 this is for your son. I have no idea what he can and can't afford, I don't know his finances, its something that I want to do for my son so I pay the costs.

2. DH picks up and drops of SS11 for every visit. We live a state away but crossing states is only a little over an hour what kills you are the tolls getting to and from it's ridiculous. I have never complained to my DH about it. Does it take time away from me every other weekend yes because even though the commuttee should be a little over an hour total trip comes to four hours do to traffic. I don't complain about him paying. It's his responsibility as a father to pick up SS11. CS, paying health insurance, picking him up and dropping him off on your weekends is his responsiblity. So imagine my surprise if my BS12 father asks me to share the cost. I don't think it's my responsibility to fly my son to see you. You don't even pay child support, provide health insurance, the least you can do is pay the flight once a year.

3. BM sends my DH a list of errands to run with SS11 during his weekends with us, getting his haircut, buying him school clothes, or maybe sneakers he might need. I feel that is so wrong! Who is she to dictatate our weekends, maybe we have something planned, maybe we are busy doing something else. What makes her think that my DH has to run errands when she says so! When my BS14 goes see his father I never dictate what it is they are going to do, I don't tell him take time off work. It's his time to do what he wasnt's with our son. They are a family and stay out of it because I don't know there plans, there schedule.

The problem with a lot of BM is that they do not understand that they are single parents, it's a sad fact, but as much as a father is there, they are single parents. No matther how involved the father is, at the end of the day they are part-time fathers and they can only be involved so much. Once you divorce, separate you are now a single parent. Being a single parent is hard for a reason. It's is known to be hard, and the more BM try to make it easier for themselves the more conflict it creates.