Does anyone else...
feel nervous when left alone with the skids? I only have SD8 and she's lived with us full time for the past 7.5 months, and yet everytime FDH goes to work and I'm left alone with her I get this nervous feeling that just won't go away. I watch her by myself 4 nights/week. I think I get this feeling b/c she's not my biological child and I sometimes feel unsure of the proper course of action even though FDH has told me repeatedly that he trusts my judgment and I'm free to punish her if she needs it. SD is usually good...just bouncing off the walls energetic. I would need an adrenaline shot to the heart to keep up with her. I just get so tired of feeling nervous around her. I've realized that when I'm around my niece alone I never feel nervous or anxious, but I guess that's b/c I've bonded with her since she was a baby and she's related to me.
Any insight/suggestions?
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Any
Any insight/suggestions?
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Don't be alone with her.
When I fist met DH, 9ish years ago, I watched his son one night for him. That was all it took. I told him, that I could not handle him and could not watch him. I never did again. I was not alone with the kid until he moved in with us at 16ish. Then it was not so bad.
Ah, if only it was so easy.
Ah, if only it was so easy. FDH and I moved in together one month before we found out SD was coming to stay. Permanently. I knew that she would be with us for the summer, not a big deal. But it's hard to factor in that BM's gonna abandon her kid. So yeah, didn't really see the full time SM thing coming. Should have known...
Anxious yes, because the
Anxious yes, because the truth is I just don't want to be with them alone. They are not mine. They are good kids but not my problem.
Same here, I like being with my BD and my god kids. I don't feel dread or nervous with them.
I think it is normal for us to feel this way. They are not ours, not a part of us. They are foreign to us.
Do you think your sd8 feels this way? I don't think my SO's kids do.
They love to be with me.
SD loves being with me. She
SD loves being with me. She calls them "Girls' Night" and repeatedly tells me how she likes to hang out with just me and is glad that FDH is going to work. I don't know if this hurts his feelings or not, but he hasn't said anything about it.
Maybe that's part of the reason I'm anxious...b/c I know she looks forward to hanging out with me. I am just not as excited by it because she's always up in my face/space, etc. We've had so many conversations about personal space boundaries that it's getting ridiculous. And don't even get me started on interupting other people's conversations. Ugh.
Just be careful! That inner
Just be careful! That inner voice is there for a REASON! Is the BM in the picture at all? (meaning is she ALIVE?) B/c skids will easily lie and make up serious stories against SM if they think it will benefit them. They practically have CPS on speed dial.
I've thought of that. As for
I've thought of that. As for BM, well yes, she's ALIVE, but that's about it. SD asked me if I knew where her mom was the other day and I had to tell her that I had no idea. Not lying either. We never know where BM is or what her phone number is, she changes it so much. Doesn't bother to call SD either. Last time BM called SD was on SD's birthday - from a number we didn't recognize. Anyway, BM promised SD a cell phone (UM, NO...the child is 8 and does not need a phone. And we refuse to pay for one). It was all just false promises though, BM makes promises and then doesn't follow through.
I hate being alone with
I hate being alone with SD16...I never know what to say and when I start a conversation she will change the conversation to something about her. I feel i try harder with her and always get the WACK! afterwards....I try my best not to be alone with her....It just works better that way. I do not give her the sttention she needs at all times so she does not like that....
I'd rather be alone with
I'd rather be alone with skids! They listen, for the most part, and have some manners when they're with me. When DH is here he sometimes lets them act crazy and rude (you know, because that's part of having kids...), but if I disengage and go about my business to get away from them, then I'm having a shitty attitude. I hope it gets better for you though. Use it to your advantage, if you can.
Agreed. My skids get SUPER
Agreed. My skids get SUPER whiney when DH is around. I would LOVE to have a few days without them though
I'm the same way with my
I'm the same way with my skids. I have to be alone with them several days a week and I always dread it. They don't misbehave too much, but they do have insane amounts of energy too, and rough house and yell and it's crazy. I have 2 younger kids who I'm always afraid will get hurt when they are around cause the skids are a lot bigger and wild. I tell them over and over to settle down, but 5 minutes later they are wild again. I get the same nervous feeling that you are describing-and like you said, it is only around them. My own kids I'm fine with, and my nieces I'm fine with too. I think it is difficult as a steparent, because when the bioparent is there, they are usually the ones who (should) do the discipling, and when they aren't there it can just be weird. I wish I had some advice, but I'm in the same boat!
Well it's at least nice to
Well it's at least nice to know that I'm not the only one! SD is the same as your skids - tell her to chill out and it's in one ear and out the other. I especially have problems with dinner time. I tell her to sit down and eat. She gets up, talks, moves around. I look at her plate and say "SD, are you done eating?" and she responds "Oh, nope, I forgot!" Excuse me, but you don't forget to eat!
I have one SS that I don't
I have one SS that I don't like to be alone with because I don't trust him. He lies about a lot of things so I don't trust he wouldn't lie and say I hit him or something like that. It is better now that the pas has stopped because I think he would say anything to make BM happy when it was going on.
That said, I actually feel
That said, I actually feel LESS anxious when we are alone, because then I'm in control of his behavior. There's no stepping back and watching SO let things slide - I'm in charge and I'm not paranoid that SO is watching me thinking "What a bitch" or something. As a result, FSS4 is a lot better behaved when we are alone together, and I'm a LOT less irritated.
This is exactly what I was trying to say, pixelated! Thanks for putting my thoughts into words