Those are all reasonable requests. Have you tried writing it out just as you did here for the both of them? Being only 5, one of those behavior charts with each item might be a good idea

Sounds perfect to me! Those are some pretty easy rules to follow. Hopefully your SO will be on board with you. Good Luck

Nope Not TOO Much...

Rules in my home are the same with
bio and skids...

We have a board up in the hallway with
some of the most important rules written on it..

One someone goes against a house rule, we
have them go up to the chart and read it..
and then we talk about it..

GL

I don't know. I'd say it's unreasonable to expect her to do this of her own free will. Your DH has to be on board and your expectations and consequences have to be clear and consistent and he has to be the one to communicate these expectations and enforce them at first. And if DH is sleeping in her bed then yes, it's too much to expect the child to not want to sleep in your bed.

What you want isn't unreasonable but you have to get you DH on board with the plan.

My DH is hesitant to implement set rules, too. He thinks it's too hard on them since they don't have rules at BMs. He does see reason tho and it was nice that when we had a private visit with SD10s counselor I asked if the rules I wanted to implement were unreasonable the counselor said that those were the least you could expect! Ha! There was never any uncertainty about that again!

It's not unreasonable for you to ask, at all. It's unreasonable for DH to not make her follow your rules in your house.

I wrote out a list of rules for SS7 to follow. It was up to me to enforce because DH is a wank. Anyway. I posted the rules and I made a behavior chart for SS7. ON days I didn't have to remind him about the rules, he'd get a sticker for the day. When he got 10 stickers we took him to do something fun.

For the basic rules, it worked pretty well.

These are simple, basic rules which are reasonable for any kid of that age to follow whether they're bios or steps. All kids have to learn respect and that they cannot always have their own way, but I agree that she will need reminding and the rules will need to be enforced by her dad in a firm and consistent way. A reward chart is a good incentive for a young kid, but appropriate punishments are also needed if she wilfully disobeys the rules. Reward charts and punishments worked great for my skids when they were her age and they had some serious behaviour problems. DH should NOT be sleeping in bed with her or letting her sleep in your bed as she will learn that being whiny and clingy gets her what she wants. He will have to be strict on this one, even if it means a few disturbed nights of crying and screaming.

The list is reasonable but I think I’d frame it differently. Sorry this is long!

Instead of making all of the rules only apply to SD, some of them should apply to everyone in the house. Your DH will probably be hypersensitive to any criticism of his daughter so framing it by having “we” statements may help DH to be more receptive these rules.

Maybe open up the conversation by saying: “I think it is important to have house rule as kids need structure and I came up with a list, I’d like you to look at it and tell me what you think. Also there may be a rule I didn’t include that you think SD should have and we can add it to the list.”

I’d rephrase some of the rules to include every one:

-> She must take her shoes off when going upstairs or on the sofa

Rephrased: No shoes are allowed upstairs or on the sofa this applies to everyone in the house.

->She must eat at the table

Rephrase: Everybody eats at the kitchen table.

->She must say please and thank you

Rephrase: Everybody in this house treats each other with respect. This means saying please and thank you, and not using cuss words. It also means not interrupting adults when they are talking or on the telephone.

-> She must clean her teeth and wash her face every morning and night.

Rephrase: Everyone in this house washes their face and brushings their teeth in the morning when we get up and in the evening before going to bed. We also wash our hands before eating and after using the bathroom.

-> She is not allowed sweets unless dinner is all eaten

Rephrase: Everyone one in this house must finish their dinner before having dessert. If we’d don’t finish our dinner, we don’t get to have dessert or any other kind of sweet.

A consistent bedtime will be hard if DH isn’t on board. My DH was horrible at getting the boys to bed on time. He would negotiate with them constantly. It was frustrating to watch.

My DH finally got it when I explained that by letting the boys stay up till all hours he was giving up our evening couple time. Every couple needs some alone time at the end of the day (not in the bedroom) to wind down, have an adult conversation and just be together. But by letting the boys stay up DH was cheating us out of this time. My DH got this; I made it about us instead of about the boys so he couldn't get defensive.

Also emphasis the importance of sleep for SD (and adults) and that sleep deprivation can mimic the symptoms of ADD in children. Kids her age should get between 10 to 12 hours of sleep per day. Here’s a link that you may find helpful:

How Much Sleep Do Children Need?
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/sleep-children

The co-sleeping will be hard to correct. But explain to DH that everyone gets a better night’s sleep when they are sleeping in their own bed. My DH’s son was 3 when I met him. DH was in the process of changing this behavior. Any time SS would climb into bed with him/us, DH would get up and walk him back to his own bed. DH would tuck him in and then come back to our bed. If SS had a nightmare he’d sit on the edge of SS’s bed till he fell asleep, and then come back to our bed. This will take awhile to fully change the behavior and your DH will need to be consistent in his approach.

Hope this helps.

~BettyRay