Normal people do tend to feel sorry for other people when they're in a bad situation, even if the bad situation was their own doing. Only psychos have no empathy for others. Your feelings are totally normal.

LaMare, it's because you are a compassionate human being, regardeless of what they did to deserve, or natural consequences form behavior..it doesn't stop us sometimes for feeling that their main might just be valid.

I look at it this way, some people are just plain mentaly distrubed, because of past abuse, drugs, bad childhood, mental illness, etc...and they make poor choices, a LOT their actions cause them to lose a lot in life. This does not mean that they still don't feel pain, and hurt or don't love their children.

I have a cousin who does not have custody of any of her 4 kids!!! WIth her two ex-husbands, rarely has contact w/the youngest to-actually she doesn't. I still love her, I still see how pained she gets, I still see her mental illness progressing further as her guilt increases, so does her behavior reflect. I've heard her cry, feel lost, I've FELT the pain she did-though everything inside says "she did this to herself" kwim?

We are human beings with compassion and a heart that beats and realize people are inherently flawed adn can make many mistakes.

I will say though-PERSONALLY-I think it's DEPLORABLE that any parent should have to PAY to visit their children. Supervised or not-if supervised then the courts should enforce a family member or somebody safe is there...this 'visitation center' IMO is bullshit and another way for states to make money and further victimize families and actually DISCOURAGE parents from seeing their children.

I'm sorry but it's ridiculous to require a parent visit their own flesh and blood supervisied by the state and authorities and pay for it...like the kid is some hooker pimped out by the state that the parents 'pays' to see. I will not ever change my opinion on this matter. The courts IMO have overstepped and in fact made matters worse and destroyed more families then they have helped. Again, if it's required supervised because of drugs, etc...then a family member, family friend, a church, etc...paying to see your kids is almost likening it to prostitution IMO.

Don't bio dads feel this way also when bm's deny parenting because they haven't paid child support????

Money=time with kids...the downfall of society IMO.

DH and I are in a similar situation. BM is on drugs and has warrants out for her arrest so she won't go to SV. She thinks we are trying to set het up. She doesn't have a job. all she tries to do is get around the rules by makeing people feel sorry for her. After doing this for 5 years we're done. BM hasn't seen SS since before Thanksgiving. We are going to see Dh atty. Feb. 13th. So if she hasn't try to see SS by then we plan to have her rights taken. If we can. BM has been to rehab and prison and is looking a prison again when they catch her. Not includeing SS has had a broke arm and leg when he was 8 months due to her and a boyfriend. Never feel sorry for trying to do what is right for the child.

Totally normal to feel bad just don't let it cross over to enabling the BM. Like you said she can work two jobs to get the money for her supervised visits. This is the best thing for her and hopefully will make her step up and be a parent.

I know how you feel as much as I can't stand our BM for all of the stupid shit she does. I do feel bad for her because she is so damn inept. She has all the resources around her to make her life better but she makes the crappiest choices that are the worst for her and SD.

I feel sorry for SS24 who is a homeless druggie. He's kind of sweet, not mean at all like his ex-con brother.

But he has been set up in apartments and given money and cars and sent to rehab time after time for years and years. At this point there is not one thing that hasn't been tried.

He will talk about wanting to turn his life around and how bad it is - but he seemingly can do nothing to change it. It's all on him. No one can make him better. Believe me everyone has tried. (well his mother didn't do much but kick him out at 15)

So yes I feel sorry for him, but I refuse to be an enabler. I will admit that I harbor strong resentment that he even exists. BM and DH had a ONS years after their divorce. They just f*&*ed one night using NO protection (both almost 30 years old). STUPID STUPID STUPID

I refuse to be responsible for her irresponsibility.

I should say that we have to pay $20. and the BM has to pay $20. This is to pay for the day care center that is used to visit in and the workers are voluntrees and there is also a security guard.Because we have tried letting the BM's mother do the SV, and she did of a few years. But the grandmother asked us to do something different because she can't handle the abuse she has to take from BM. I personally don't have a problem with it.

People that do drugs yo-yo constantly. One minute their doing drugs and don't care about anything but them selves and 3 days later when their head is clear they want to be a parent. The sad thing is drugs are a addiction and without help they probably won't stay away from them. I know that my SS BM loves him, as much as she can. When BM is clean she is a very good mom. But she never stays clean. It is very emotional for SS. I sure BM hurts too. But it is about what is best for the child. Not the BM.