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SS7 said "I want to kill myself"

New Mama's picture

Submitted by New Mama on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 2:49pm

I disengaged last Sunday and I haven't spoken to or seen SS7 since then. DH has been handling everything for SS7.

DH and I talked last night and came to terms on what is and is not acceptable behavior from a 7 year old. We agreed that I would stop intervening and let him be a parent. We worked everything out, we both apologized for things we said, and life (for the most part) is back to normal.

After our talk, I checked SS7's notebook from school (which was left out on the table and not packed in his bag ready for the morning like I've asked him to do countless times, but I didn't say anything about it). I noticed a note from Wednesday from his teacher which stated: I am VERY disappointed in SS7's regression in his beahvior. He's been off task and disrespectful all day. When I asked him for the last time to follow directions he told me "I want to kill myself." DH wrote an apology note right below the teacher's note.

I also saw SS7 had the exact same trouble on Thursday and there was a note stating SS7 told his teacher "I didn't follow directions because I didn't feel like it." I had noticed that DH came home and spanked SS7 those nights and gave him extra chores after homework time.

I haven't said anything to DH about the notes and he didn't say anything to me - afterall, we'd just agreed that I wouldn't butt in and he would ask for help when he needed it. However, I feel like this is serious enough for me to intervene.

SS7 already sees the school counselor once a week to discuss his behavior for the week. We also signed him up for behavior counseling with a therapist thru the school but he's still waiting on an evaluation - I'm told that they're backed up and they'll get to him as soon as they can. I'm not sure what else we can do to get SS7 the help he needs so I'm not sure it'd be worth it to go against our new peace agreement and intervene.

Also, I'm certain that my disengaging is NOT the cause of SS7's recent behavior. I warned DH that SS7 spent too much time with DH's family during the winter break and he'd come home a tyrant. And he has. However, I'm also certain that my disengaging will be the blame for SS7's recent behavior.

Comments

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 2:59pm

I wouldnt say anything. it sounds like your dh is aware of the issues and is doing his best to handle it. At least he is having a response which is excellent.

smileygirl's picture

Submitted by smileygirl on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 3:04pm

I will stay the course. Stay out of this for now. Your husband is working on it and you taking over doesn't sound like it would help anyone currently. It doesn't sound like your SS means what he is saying. My SS has been committed twice this year for saying just that to medical professionals...each time doctors figured out what DH and I knew...SS said it for the shock value. He's doing what he can get away with and push his boundries....Your husband is setting them with him from the sounds of things. Let them work this out unless you really fear that SS may intend himself harm and think you can stop it.

wicked witch 32's picture

Submitted by wicked witch 32 on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 3:06pm

Don't say anything. Its going to be hard as heck, but don't put yourself at fault. Like hisminandours said DH knows about it and is doing what he thinks needs to be done. Hang in there if you see that SS7 is really going to try and end his life then yes try to step in and get him help, but if it is just him talking and not really acting he is getting attention, might be bad, but still attention.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 3:31pm

SM is almost ALWAYS the scapegoat no matter what. So you have to do what's best for you regardless. Shades of butterponders skid!!! Drama and attention seeking!!

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 3:51pm

Don't say anything unless your husband brings it up and asks for your advice. In fact, you really need to make an effort to not look at these notes an more. You've disengaged, remember? You shouldn't be checking his notebook.

beyond pissed-off's picture

Submitted by beyond pissed-off on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 3:52pm

My skids have said that more times than I can count. Unfortunately the school they attend goes overboard on the "suicide prevention" issue and, while I believe they are well meaning, it puts ideas into the kids' heads. Plus, as soon as they say the magic word "suicide" the entire world stops and every adult in the tri-state area comes rushing to them to soothe their fragile little fee fees. Who wouldn't love that kind of attention?

My SS14 is now trying the eating disorder routine. She claims to be unable to keep food down and "throws up" whenever she eats. Funny but that never seems to happen around me - only around her parents who respond by rushing her to the therapist and begging her to eat. When she is with me she eats plenty and keeps it down just fine. I have explained to FH until I am blue in the face that this was common attention getting practice among high school girls since at least 1980 but will he listen? Of course not. What do I know? My uterus does not work so I must be deficient in all areas....