Do you check with BM on Christmas presents??

My BF asked SD12 what her mom was getting her for Christmas. I gave him a look like why are you asking her that?? So SD goes on this long story about how her BM can't afford to get her much of anything because of blah, blah, blah. You know the same old story BM is poor and can't afford much of anything. Even though she gets 1700.00 per month free and clear CS and has plenty of time to get a job to supplement that amount. But oh no she is so poor!!!

Anyways BF said he wanted to know so that we don't get her the same things. I said what difference does it make she has two different households so even if she got two of something one here one there right?? That is how I always thought of it anyways. What do you guys do? Does anyone do joint gifts?

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DH told his kids to make him

DH told his kids to make him a separate list of things not on BM's list.

He did not do joint gifts. Ever.

Nope....Uberskank rarely buys

Nope....Uberskank rarely buys anything for DH's kid. She tells him what she'd like for Christmas and if it isn't a ridiculous request, then he buys it for her.

I don't buy anything fore her. I stopped when I disengaged.

She gets $1700 a month in

She gets $1700 a month in cs?! :jawdrop: For one kid?!

I know its crazy but that

I know its crazy but that California for you. Its even 50/50 custody all because she never worked so she had no source of income. So when they ran the numbers in the Dissomaster she imputed BM at ZERO. We can go back in another year and a half to get a modification. The judge told her to get a job but we shall see.

Guess i need to move to

Guess i need to move to California... hahaha!!!!! I get $666 - think the judge was trying to be "funny" with the numbers. :?

SD9 and SD11 have long

SD9 and SD11 have long figured out to make a separate list for their mom, their grandma and DH. They know their grandmother will buy them gift cards, they mother will buy them not much, and that daddy will buy them electronics. But even if they didn't I don't think DH would confer with BM. We bought the skids a Kinect that will stay at our house, so even if BM decided to spend some of that hefty CS payment on her children instead of herself and buy them one, its not like they would be able to use it at her house. Plus we are doing Christmas with them first so if that did happen they would tell their mother "Daddy and SM got us one of these at their house."

I do have to say I LOVE the

I do have to say I LOVE the romantic adults only Christmas! That's the advantage of BM being a b!*@# and wanting them for every holiday every year.

I wish LOL BM never does

I wish LOL BM never does anything for the holidays. She has no extended family here where we live just her kids. She doesn't make a big deal out of the holidays so SD always wants to be with us. We have to explain to her that she has to spend time with her mom on the holidays also.

Honestly it isn't really BM

Honestly it isn't really BM that cares, it's her mother. BM couldn't care less and on the weekends she is supposed to have them they go stay with their grandmother. They even lived with her for a year while BM went to go find herself. She is a good grandmother but when you have the kids that often, you probably shouldn't spoil them SO much. Anyway BM's mother would probably disown her if she didn't bring the kids over for Christmas.

Exactly what I told him later

Exactly what I told him later when she went to bed. I said you made her feel bad because she feels she has to defend her mother and that is wrong. Who cares if she gets two of something we can return stuff if needed. He finally got my point.

No we normally don't a few

No we normally don't a few times they have but for the most part dh tells the boys to make a list that they didn't' ask their mom for. Mainly b/c they do take thigs back and forth. It has gotten to the point that we can do that now without bm not letting the stuff come back. The boys would pitch fits if she did lol.

I never checked with my kids

I never checked with my kids dad either we just got them what they wanted. One time he called me because he wanted to get them new phones and they were on my plan. So he wanted to make sure with me when the contract was up so he could do that. Which worked out well because it was up and they wanted Iphones so he got them for them.

Now with BF he wants to make sure she doesn't get duplicate gifts which I don't see as a big deal. But I guess BM called him this morning with a list of what she thinks he should buy "his daughter" LOL He said Newstep and I have got that covered }:) we don't need your input so she unleashed on him and he hung up on her.

When I first met DH - BM was

When I first met DH - BM was giving him a list of things to get SD for Christmas. AS if she should really have a say so to do that.... I don't know if he was complying or not. Now he asks his daughter or gets her what he feels like he wants to. If it is duplicated so be it - two seperate households.

My thoughts unless DH asks BM should only be concerned with what she purchases. I don't ask my daughter's father, i don't give suggestions and if he were to ask, I would tell him to ask my daughter.

BM here acts as if DH is completely incompetent and as if she has to tell him everything to do. I personally would have not even began to allow that type of control.

In a perfect world where

In a perfect world where rationality prevails, I could totally understand why BM and DH would consult each other about gifts so as not to buy duplicates. In reality, though, it usually just isn't worth it. As of yet, I don't think we've had any duplicates. BM and family buy all the expensive things. We buy the practical things.

BF and I don't really care

BF and I don't really care what the kids' BM gets them. We get them what we think they need/want and that's good enough, especially since they ARE getting TWO sets of gifts...on top of the whackload of presents they get from the grandparents! :O For a long time, though, it's felt like BM is in competition with us: whatever we had at our house, she had to get - it was so funny. This Christmas, however, she's really pulling out all the stops: she got the kids a $200 laptop (which they will no doubt break within the first month as they fight over everything) in addition to other toys that they probably will not play with. BF and I got all the popular expensive toys last year, and they are now semi-broken at the bottom of their toy boxes. >:S So this year, we're just getting them some hockey gear (they play hockey) and putting up a skating rink in the backyard. Their BM can think that getting them all these expensive toys make her the better parent, but so would paying her bills so their heat doesn't get cut off! PS. @ripley: LOL The SKIDS will open our presents first too!

he has to be making good

he has to be making good money to have that much ordered in cs! that alone would be awful thent to top it oyu have the child 50 percent of the time? WOWOOWOWOW! hard to handle and i do hope you go back and try to change that..the ex wont ever work if she thinks that what she gets til the child is 18. crazy!

yeah that is the good and bad

yeah that is the good and bad part. He makes really good money and BM never worked. She dabbled here and there and even started her own business which she did really well at but when it became too much work she let it all go. The judge awarded her that much and told her to get a job she gave her two years and then he can go back to get it lowered (hopefully) but we will see. It has already been a year and she has made no attempt to hold down a job or go to school. She just quit the 2 day a week waitressing job she had because it was too stressfull for her. She is a MOM first (her words) and working it just too much :jawdrop: Millions of other Mom's do it every day and more but BM is special I guess LOL

Newstep that is what yuck

Newstep that is what yuck keeps saying too that she is a mom and that is HER job so she can't work. HOWEVER i am expected by her to get a job and stay single b/c that is god wanted.

What I don't get is how in the world does she think taht other single parents do it like she is special!? :?
Oh that's right according to her she is! My bad I forgot..

Ugg doesn't it make you sick

Ugg doesn't it make you sick :sick: I am a "Mom" and I have always worked and guess what my kids are successful!! Two are excelling in college and my wonderful son just got an academic award for maintaining 3.86 GPA while in football. Even with practicing 6 days a week and games every Friday so very proud of him He also got apointed to the all valley team for outstanding performance in football. So you can be a good "Mom" and hold down a job too.

My ExH and I have a pretty

My ExH and I have a pretty cordial relationship (since the divorce! ha!) and we've tried to coordinate for Christmas and birthdays. It allows us to do one big gift for each kid, instead of us trying to outdo each other.

We told the girls from day one - it was mine and his divorce - not mommy and daddy's. When it comes to parenting our girls we strive to be a united front.

What I'm saying is, it can work. Obviously it isn't always easy and isn't for everyone by any stretch. But I don't think it would be odd to ask BM (directly - never the kid. weird.).