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Anyone else experienced "the Fake hug"

briarmommy's picture

:?

It seems like SS is more then happy to not hug me or show me affection until I tell him to do something. As soon as DH or I tell him ot go do something, he just can't because he has to stop and give us a hug and then "forget" what we asked him to do. Or when people are around suddenly hes all over us hugging when for the whole day before they got there he never once shows affection. It has gotten to the point that I don't even want him to touch or hug me because it just always seems fake. Now I know little tiny kids do the hug thing to not have to listen but the kid is 8 now, it seems a little old for this behavior.

Anyone else experiance the "FAKE" hug?

Comments

briarmommy's picture

Thats it they don't realize that most people know there fake, but they keep doing it because some people still fall for it.

hismineandours's picture

Yes, my ss13 has always given fake hugs since about age 4. Very strange. Not to avoid doing something, but just that that seemed to be the only thing he knew to do. He would never hug anyone spontaneously. His bm would drop him off from a visit and she would have to get down and say, "Ok now give me a hug"-she did this for years until I stopped being present at pickups and dropoffs. When my dh got back from Iraq in 2008 ss was 10 or so-he hadnt seen his dad in about a year and my dh had to direct him to give him a hug then. This past year-my dh was gone for 6 months. He went with sil to pick up ss and ss did not even greet my dh just started talking to sil (whom he is by no means close to). My sil had to direct him to greet and hug his dad. When he was little he used to hug me when I dropped him off at daycare. It was not spontaneous-he saw my children doing it and I guess he felt that is what he was supposed to do. He has not hugged me in years at this point which I am ok with as I want no creepy fake hugs.

They are the kind of things were there is feet worths of distance between you and you just put your arms on the other person's shoulders and pat for a few seconds. Very awkward. I've gotten bigger hugs from kids I barely know.

I think in my ss's case there is just something fundamentally lacking in him. He does not have any true attachment to anyone and does not "get" relationships as I dont think he feels too much for anyone. I think he hugs people simply because he has learned that is a socially acceptable thing to do with family-it's not something he thinks of spontaneously on his own.

Elizabeth's picture

Not a chance. I'm sure SD18 thinks she would spontaneously combust if she even attempted to hug me.

ThatGirl's picture

I sometimes get them from my mother when she's trying to impress someone. She's never been the affectionate type, and we've never been close. Every once in a while she feels the need to pretend otherwise in someone's presence.

I got a fake hug for SS19 yesterday. He lives in a sober living house after going to jail for heroin use and theft. He came by yesterday for money (SO knew he was coming but didn't tell me, but that's a whole 'nother story) to put minutes on his phone (supposedly needs it for job he just got). He had two scraggly friends with him and felt the need to give me a fake hug.

ctnmom's picture

Yes! My mother and her husband.They never come visit(they spend holidays with his family) when they do visit its like fake overload. It reminds me of "Night of the Living Dead", the zombies with thier arms outstretched! LOL But, I grin and bear it. She's my mother and I love her.

Anonymous_stepmom's picture

I'm pretty sure SS8 gives me fake hugs, although he loves to see me and come to my home, he shows no affection towards me unless his dad tells him to. His daughter on the other hand would maul me up and down if she could, she's been told numerous times to keep her hands off me that way after she kneed me in the crotch twice (by accident) horsing around.